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Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:29 pm Subject: FW: FW: System Upgrade

Dear IT Helpdesk

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new programme began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limited access to wardrobe, flower and jewellery applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programmes such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3 and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programmes such as SaturdayFootball 5.0, Gold 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system.

Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or Housecleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited help. Can you help please?

Jane

Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:30 pm Subject:

Dear Jane,

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely the ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the programmes files from the system once installed. Any new programme files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their old time favourite applications or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0 or Husband 2.0.

However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under �Warnings: Divorce/Child Support.� You will notice that this programme runs very poorly and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature, enter the command: �C://I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.� Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologise 2.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excess use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs and, ultimately, you may have to give a �C://APOLOGISE� command before the system will return to normal operations.

Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or, worse yet, Beer 7.5.

Beer 7.5 is a very bad programme that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFoot 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution - do NOT, under ANY circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.

We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product.