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I'm so sad right now.

I've been with my BF for over 5 years which I know is a long time. We definitely had our ups and downs like all couples do. But lately, I just really feel like something is "off".

My BF has 2 kids from his previous relationship. They're great kids and I get along with them well.

I always swore (before him) that I would never date anyone with kids because I couldn't deal with the baggage (this was when I was younger and less mature). With my current BF, I made the exception because he is a really nice guy and we got along well.

Well, to make a long story short, his ex took his kids to North Carolina last year, where she purchased a home. We're in NYC. He now feels as if he wants to be near them, meaning moving to NC. He asked me if I would be willing to do so. I told him no, because I have my family (most importantly, my grandmother, who is 86, and just lost her husband), my friends, my job, etc. I didn't feel it was fair to expect me to uproot my life and just go.

Not to mention his constant financial problems. He's a hard worker, but always struggling to make ends meet. It's been this way always. He complains about it all the time, but as I told him, I have yet to see him actually "do" anything about it.

I'm so distraught because we've been together for so long and now it means starting all over. I told him there's no way I could do a long distance thing, it's just not me. I know his kids are a priority over me, but I guess it's just settling in now.

Thanks for listening, and any advice would be appreciated.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 11:54 am Subject:

I think you need to let him go . . . . As much as it hurts you to not be with him, think of his kids and how much they need their dad close by.

He is doing the right thing by moving closer to his kids. His kids should come first.

I know it sucks, but maybe it just isn't meant to be. 5 years is a long time . . . . But time will heal it.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:13 pm Subject:

Try and think of it this way---you are letting go for now. Maybe someday it will work out with him or maybe it won't, only time will tell. Right now, move forward and think abou t the future.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:16 pm Subject:

I also meant to say try not to dwell on it too much and yes, it does get easier---right now it hurts and let it hurt for awhile, jusst don't let it get you down.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:02 pm Subject:

Jen, I know this sucks right now but, I am with Goudah. I think you should let him go too. If you go, you may end up resenting him and if he stays, he may end up resenting you becuase he stayed with you and did not go with his kids.

I am a firm believer in things happen as they are supposed to be.

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:47 pm Subject:

That is true roxyny, we don't always know why something happens---but God knows (thats my belief anyway).

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:41 am Subject:

This reminds me of a good quote I heard. If you love someone let them go.If it is indeed true love they will return. Hope you feel better soon & I can understand his side as I am a daddy too.

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 7:52 am Subject:

I've been in your situation. Have you discussed your feelings with him. Have you told him everything you have told us on here?

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:07 am Subject:

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I can relate because i tried the "If you love someone let them go.If it is indeed true love they will return." like bull dog mentioned but she never came back. However as much as that sucked at the time it just wasn`t meant to be. God had other plans for me and I am now married to a wonderful woman with my first child on the way due October 2. If it doesn't work out remember this. When one door shuts, another opens.

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:43 am Subject:

Congrats on the upcoming baby Mobile!

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:53 am Subject:

Mobile, good advice. That is one of my favorite sayings too...and it worked out beautifully too. A baby is a wonderful gift, congratulations.

Jen, We can all give you advice and tell you what we think or feel..bottom line is, only you know what is in your heart and what you can live with. We have all given you something to think about to help you think this through. You know what is right for you, you have to trust in yourself and make the best decision you can.

Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 2:59 pm Subject:

Just remember it won't always hurt this bad---trust me on this one. It doesn't mean you forget it forever, the pain just slowly subsides.

Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:17 am Subject:

I think you already know what is right for you. And as hard a decision as it is, it will be the right one. Let yourself greive for your lost relationship, and then you can move on. When you have children, there is no greater love, and it is so hard to be away from your children. Mine are grown and gone now, and I have grandchildren, (they live out of state), but I do see them as often as I can, I make the trip about every 3 to 5 weeks.
His children will come first, no matter what, and that is not always easy to deal with. A lot of women are jealous of their BF children, but that is the way it is. Once you have children, you will understand his need to be close to them.

Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:58 am Subject:

Hi again everyone,
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind advice. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but things (as usual) have been a bit hectic and draining.

Not much has changed since my last post. He is still going to go, probably towards January/February of next year. He's going to find a job before he goes (thank goodness) and see if he can kind of set things up before he goes.

So it is what it is. I know it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over, both him and I agree that there's always a chance of things working out in the future.

Time will tell.

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