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Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:38 am Subject: some men just suck

Hey its Leah again! I just have to vent. Ya know I stood by my sorry husband through a lot of crap and then the baby came and things got better...until Thursday when he left me and my on while I was at work and still has made no attempt to contact me. Why do men do this? How the heck can he leave me after all the money he stole from me and the drug addiction and I still stood by him. I took my vows seriously and apparently he did not. How could he just abandon me? More importantly, HOW CAN HE ABANDONED HIS 7 month old son?

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:05 am Subject:

Leah,
I am so sorry to hear about this. Could he possibly be doing drugs again? I sincerely hope not, but that would explain the behaviors, yes? And if so, is there any way at all that he could get into a rehab program?
Hang in there and keep us posted.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:14 am Subject:

Leah- I am sorry to hear this. This sounds pretty typical for someone in the throes of addiction-taking money, wanting no responsibility, etc.Unless, and until he wants help, there isn't much that you can do about his addiction. There are support groups for family members dealing with loved ones addiction-it may help give you support.

I do have to say, that being a counselor, it's not just men who have this behavoir-addiction knows no gender, age or race!

Hang in there, we are here to support you!..Hug the baby..KAren Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:44 am Subject:

Leah...you need support for yourself and your child. I know you can pick your life up and continue on. Sounds like you have done more than enough to help this man you need to consentrate on your own life. You sound like a strong person....but it is hard to pick up the pieces...I know. My sister almost married a con man in November..he dumped her at the 11th hour. He took everything from her and she had a daughter to support. Long story short she is now living with our Aunt. I wished I could give her monetary support but I can't however I do call her and let her talk..and be there to listen. We're here to support you..take care.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:47 am Subject:

I'm sorry to hear this..You are in my prayers. A person with an addiction like that sometimes can't help what they do. I hope that he can get the help he needs to be a good husband and father. Please hang in there, and do what is best for you and your son.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:54 am Subject:

Leah I had thought you had dumped that poor excuse of a man ages ago. Honey I as a man am sorry for what he put you through and think it is high time to put him out like a bad dog.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 10:56 am Subject:

Sounds like chemically-enhanced behavior to me. All the classic signs; lack of responsibility, theft, not grounded in reality... I've seen it before, and it ain't pretty. And Karen has a point, it ain't just us guys, although I can understand why you're feeling the way you are about it.

Here's the long and short of it: There may not be much I can do to help you here, other than talk. But what help I can offer is yours for the asking. Day or night.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 11:46 am Subject:

I agree with Cajun, you do need to dump him and get on with your life and build a new one without him. You will be happier in the end.

You can only help someone when they want to help themselves and it sounds to be at this point all he is concerned about is himself.

I think that he has put you through alot and now he is doing it to your son. Don't let this man destroy your life with his dependency problems.

ladybug

Guest · Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 12:02 pm Subject:

LEAH I'M REALLY YOUR GREAT FAN AND I KNOW YOU ARE A VERY STRONGER GIRL AND A FANTASTIC MOTHER EITHER.
IT IS BETTER THIS MAN DO NOT BE AROUND YOUR BABY WHEN HE IS GROWING UP.
I WAS VERY LUCK WHEN MY DAUGHTER'S FATHER VANISHED.
HE WAS A BAD INFLUENCE AND HE WAS A BAD LUCK EITHER.
I'M SO PROUD OF MY DAUGHTER ALWAYS.
DONT FORGET YOU ARE A QUEEN AND YOUR SON ALWAYS BE A PRINCE.
GOD BLESSES YOU AND YOUR SON LEAH.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 12:05 pm Subject:

LEAH THIS GUEST WAS ME.
I LOVE YOU FRIEND AND I ADMIRE YOU VERY MUCH ALWAYS.
I PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR SON ALWAYS.

kath · Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:43 pm Subject:

Leah,
I know you don't know me and I probably have no right to offer you advice, but I just feel such a compassion for your situation and I can totally relate to the pain you must be feeling. The world is full of selfish people who put themselves before others. It's sad that some spouses continually feed their addictions first and the people who love them and need them come last. Keep in mind that it is a sick person who would put their own needs before a 7 month old baby. He is sick and until he admits it,surrenders it and gets help, he likely will not change. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can change him. I speak from experience. I'm married to one of those men. Because of my health situation,you might say we are stuck with each other and in 16 years, try as I may, I couldn't change him. And try as he may, he has not been successful in changing himself yet. He's got some great qualities, but he too struggles with an addiction and may never change. He can be very charming and funny, often times flirty. He has a great heart at times, but he has a selfish streak that leads him into inappropriate situations with other women regardless of how it effects his wife and children. I have basically given up the hope that I will ever come first in his life, or even second or third. Lea, you are young-don't give your life to hoping he will change. Take care of you and your baby boy.

Guest · Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 5:07 pm Subject: r

Leah, I am so sorry. I know your heart is breaking. I can't comprehend why some people do the things they do either. They have their own way of thinking. You sacrificed so much for him and this is his way of repaying you? You deserve much better. And it is amazing how some people can just leave their little babies behind. I am so sorry. You can do this, Leah. I know you're hurt and confused. You can move on and look back and see how far you've come soon. If you need to vent, please do. You know we are all here for you. I will be thinking of you. And, again, I am so sorry he did this to you.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 6:46 pm Subject:

Thanks for all the advice. I thought our second chance was going to work but apparently i was just fooling myself. I have never hurt so much in my wholel ife

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:59 pm Subject:

We'll be here for ya, babe.

Posted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:40 pm Subject:

Leah...the best thing to do is move on and don't look back. You tried and it didn't work. Don't blame yourself...the best revenge is living a good life. And you can do it!!! I left when my two were 8 and 4...they are now 27 and 23 and the strongest, kindest, intelligent most caring adults you will ever meet. That is where I hold my joy! The pain will fade and you can and will move on with your own life...good luck girl! Anytime you need to vent ...we are here...

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