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This is not what I bargained for.

I'm grateful to finally have a job again, but I'm not exactly thrilled to be back in third party collections again sifting through junk debts. Over the past few months I've applied at over 100 companies and this is all there is? It's a disgrace, and it seems like the main reason I have been getting turned down is because it shows on my resume that most of my work history comes from Massachusetts. I can take a hint, I've seen all the Rebel flag bumper stickers and window decals. I'm so sick of Pensacola. There is nothing for me here, no real work, no money, and I only have a few really good friends.

My student loans are due next month. I recieved my payment plan this week: $220 over the next 20 years, meaning with all the interest payable over that time, I will be repaying over $54k when all I took out was $29k. How the feck am I supposed to pay that when all I will net is $300 weekly after taxes and insurance? Of course half of that net will go towards monthly household bills. That leaves me with $600 net monthly at best for student loans, car, prescriptions, and other needs.

I took the insurance licensing exam twice, and failed it twice. It costs $56 to keep retaking it. If I pass it next time, who is to say that insurance will create a better life for me? I also want to enlist in the Army National Guard, but first things first, bring the impossibly high blood pressure down, which will remain impossible as long as this nightmare that is my life continues this way.

WHY is my life like this? I try to be happy but it's not possible. I had so much going for me back home up North, and I thought nothing would change after the move to Pensacola but boy was I in for a rude awakening! Emphasis on the word rude because that is how many of the locals have treated me. My first boss was a belligerent jackass, then I worked at West where everybody pissed on me. After that I have felt extremely isolated and rejected and it is just such a slap in the face that I have to just take what I can get no matter how educated or experienced I am just because I'm a little different.

My husband has a plan for us to live here for only another three years, after that we'll be moving to Denmark. I wish so much that I could just fast forward through the next three years and be out of this crappy town and out of this drab country with all it's bullshit politics and prejudice and discrimination. I'm sick of it all. I try so hard to make a difference and help people and be a team player, and for what, so I can hate my life more every day when I have to drag my ass out of bed and drag myself to yet another low-paying phone jockey job.

WHY IS THIS MY LIFE????

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:18 pm Subject:

Ari -

Wow, it sounds like you have so much on your plate right now, and it's making you so unhappy.

Is there some way for you and your husband to do just what you mentioned - fast forward and move to Denmark as soon as possible, or is there a reason you have to stay where you are?

Also, what insurance exam are you taking - life/health, securities, or P&C? (Been there and I remember what that's like!) Insurance is a good field to be in, and the income potential is much higher than the collection field. But if you intend to move, will you be able to find a position in Denmark in the insurance field?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to find a few bright spots for you - I'm so sorry you're so unhappy. We love you bunches! Very Happy

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:23 pm Subject:

Ari,
It can and WILL get better. I agree with you collections (or anything at a call center wearing a headset) IS a crappy job. And if you can avoid it, stay out of the National Guard at this point. My fear is that joining will give you a ticket out of the country (and I don't mean Denmark!) Trust me, you don't want to see Iraq in the spring, girl!
Have you thought about putting your experiences on paper? I've been thinking about writing about some of my experiences on the job, to kinda make lemons out of lemonade, if you get my drift. I was inspired by the guy who wrote the movie Clerks.
You have to think about what makes YOU happy and then DO IT! Put down a plan and then go for it!!
And please, post again, OK? We want to know how you're doing!

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:27 pm Subject:

God I hope you're both right. I appreciate your support very much, I have been feeling awful.

To be perefectly honest, I highly doubt joining the National Guard would get me sent directly to Iraq, but if it did, at least it wouldn't be me blowing my brains out, just to demonstrate how fed up I am with it all.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:29 pm Subject:

Oh Ari - I wish that I could help you! I can empathize with you about the job, I know just how you feel. My job sucks too - I had a wonderful job as an executive assistant to the vp of a chemical company when my job was sold out from under me. Out of work for 2 years, then another great job as am exec assist. to the director of a detox center - government funding was cut - so was I. Out of work for 2 more years, and then all of the places that I applied told me I was over qualified! the place that I work now is for over half of what I was making and it is hourly - no sick days - no personal time and barely minimum wasges. I have to work overtime in order to pay my bills. And it raises my bp - something I never had to worry about before. So I understand your low tide. Have you tried someof the employment agencies down there? Even though you are employed -keep sending out you resumes sometimes even if you don't quite fit what they are looking for, but you have some of the qualifications you may get an interview. But for right now, just get through today,and remember you never have to live today again. Don't look at what is down the road - it is way to far. As for you bp - I have found that I can lower mine by meditating and deep breathing. It has a calming effect, it might help you. You have a lot going for you - I know that things will work out for you. Also contact the student loan company,they have been great with me about working out a different payment plan maybe they can help you also until you can get on your feet.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:32 pm Subject:

Take it one day, or one hour at a time. And speaking as one who's worked her share of crappy jobs in her time, I can say that we are all works in progress. You'll get there.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:33 pm Subject:

Ari! Please don't talk like that. You have a lot of supportive people here standing right beside you. We all care and are concerned about you.

Is there a way for you to take a couple of days off to collect your thoughts or take a break from things, and find someone to talk to? A close friend, a family member, even perhaps a counselor? Just someone to sound off to and bounce ideas off of. Talking to someone in person is SO much different than talking to someone on the internet - you can throw ideas out there and get feedback right away.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:40 pm Subject:

Ari,

I'm concerned and I don't like the way you sound right now. Remember, everything is temporary. I understand your local frustration perfectly. Only it's opposite. I'm one of the few native Floridians, a southerner forced to move up north. I've been here 11 years..I fought to lose my accent because I was horribly ridiculed when I first moved here..One person even asked me if my family had slaves back home. I hated it and vowed I would move back south when I was done with school..But here I am still. I can only sympathise and empathise with you on that, I'm so sorry.

Keep your chin up and keep trying. This is only a roadblock, count your blessings. I personally know how talented and brilliant you are.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:44 pm Subject:

Oh Ari---I am so sorry that you are so unhappy. I didn't realize you had moved. And the south can be much different than the north (and vice/versa). Well, with any part of the country compared to another really. Have you thought about what kind of work you could do in Denmark? Maybe you could find a job here that could begin preparing you for that? I know all these things sound very trite and I am sorry I can't say something real uplifting. But remember things won't always be this way. I will be praying for you!

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:45 pm Subject:

I have this weekend and that is all. I just started this job.

My husband is out of state working until Wednesday. He's heard this grievance before and there is nothing he can do about it now. He has to have an international pilot's license before he can take a pilot job overseas.

With my degree, I could be an officer in the ANG. Since post-secondary education is government-funded over in Denmark, my goal is to go back to college and be of all things: an English teacher.

My parents and best friend have also heard this grievance before. My father has even experienced it himself when he was in the AFR and stationed in Biloxi. Even after 200 years since the Civil War, locals down here, many of them hiring managers, still hate Northerners. I never hated anybody.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:47 pm Subject:

I never hated anyone, and I'm a southerner!

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 7:47 pm Subject:

Ari - what type of degree do you have?

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:07 pm Subject:

I have a BBA.

I know you never hate anyone Michelle! I always thought Southerners were genteel and hospitable just as they are said to be, so before November 2005 I was excited about moving to Pensacola! I thought I'd have twice the friends I had in MA and be able to get a good job in no time!

But it turns out that this is one of those towns where if you want a decent job, you have to know someone.

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:11 pm Subject:

Ari--It will straighten out. I've been there with the crappy jobs that make you want to barf just thinking about going in.

I had a job at one time that my boss was such an ass I would start shaking and cry on my way to work because I didn't want to go..And I knew if I hurried up and cried on my way in to work, I wouldn't be able to cry as easily while I was there.

You will find something soon. You're so smart and so awesome. Anyone that doesn't want to employ you is no one you'd want to work for anyway. F Them! Smile

I love ya. I'm going to PM you my cell # in case you ever need to vent. I'm totally up for it any time you need to, k?

Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:14 pm Subject:

Have you looked into teaching at the community colege or high school down there? Or even putting you name in as a substitute or tutor? I know that my aunt has the same degree and she started teaching at the community college in TN on a part-time basis in the evening, and then they offered her a full ime position after six months. She is teach people in the business community.

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