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 Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:23 am
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This may or may not be in the right section, but I am posing a message to those of you going through this and those who have been through it in hopes that it might help all of us.
Firstly, if I had not come to this site I would have never found any hope except bankruptcy.
I have defaulted on most of my PDL's and almost paid off one. Have another that is greatly diminished, and have a few who now know I will be paying them off. They are probably asking more than I can afford to pay, but I will do the best I can.
What I am wondering is how are you guys/did you guys cope with the anxiety while doing this? I am having a really tough time and my self esteem is so low right now. Like I still cannot believe that I got so far in debt like this in the first place?
What are some of the things that you are telling/have told yourself that helped.
I am one of those who want something to be over instantly...very impatient in that respect and I see this is not going to be fast or painless?
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egyptcrossarabs
Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 254
Debtcc Points: 4669
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:50 am
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Boy Egypt you know how to ask a tough question..I do know that before i found this site, i was in a real depression every month. I dreaded payday because i knew the PDLs were taking everything and i had no money to pay rent or buy food. the real problem was trying to explain to my son that i had no money and that was the day after payday. I finally hit bottom and forced myself to tell my sister what was going on (which was really hard to do) and god bless her she helped me out by loaning me enough money to get me through the month of February as we had absolutely NO FOOD in the house other than canned vegies and cheese. This month was better but i was so overdrawn going into this month that by the time i paid all my bills, i had under $500 to live on for the month. But i have managed and feel so much better now knowing that i do have options and i can control the situation instead of the situation controlling me. i hope this helps...it is going to be stressful. Sometimes, i just want to go ahead and pay them just so i don't have the headache, but then what would i live on the rest of the month? I just keep telling myself that they will get their money, when i have the money to give them and that is that.. Sorry for rambling on...
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whiterock73
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 373
Debtcc Points: 3501
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:52 am
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egypt,your not along,ive been doing pdls for over five years now,stuck in the cycle of this neverending hell,,my PDL,S are all storefronts and over the years you feel that you know all these people untill you default as i have,ive found they have no mercy,one thing for sure,THEY CANNOT KILL YOU,i have went as far to tell them a day i would be there,knowing i couldnt afford to but it would keep them off my back another week or so,i also lose sleep over this and it is making it hard to focus on my job,,i do know if it werent for this website i would be freaking out completely so hang in there and we will both get threw this,,i know this didnt tell you how to deal with it but you are not by yourself,,they are people here that has great advise
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rydermack
Joined: 06 Mar 2008
Posts: 33
Debtcc Points: 429
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 12:38 pm
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egypt....I too, am a personality that wants everything over and done with yesterday so I know how hard it is for you to cope with this, but it does get better. There is just one person who knows that I am in this predicament and even he doesn't know to what extent. I came here in early February and since that time I have managed to close/settle 3 or my 5 loans. I just got my mindset that things would be okay and they would eventually go away. Once I got the advice I needed from the great folks on here, I pretty much set out to accomplish what I came here to do. I stopped worrying daily about them, I started eating better and I slept all night. I still think once and a while what if the last 2 yahoos call my work? But then I just tell myself that I will cross that bridge when I have to. I know that we are all different and handle our lives in a manner which works for us but I couldn't jeopardize my own health worrying about the what if's. Actually knowing that I am not the only one in this boat helped my self esteem tremendously. I smile more, I laugh more and I look forward to getting up each day. Hope this helps. Hang in there. Be tough and we can lean on each other when we need to. Smile. . .
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llw1995
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 862
Debtcc Points: 10242
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:42 pm
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Yes...I just laid down for awhile to try to sleep and this horrible panicky feeling creeps in. I work 12 hr. night shifts and have to be sharp and not stressed. Luckily, once I am at work, it actually helps as I have too much to think about there to fret over these?
My husbands manager, who knows nothing about this told me that they are trying to move him into full time soon. He was hurt in Nov. and had no income for two month's, then went back part time which is not cutting it. He is well enough to work full time now, but we are going on four month's part time now.
This will help a bunch.
My daughter thinks I am a complete idiot and expects me to function normally and not worry over this. She thinks we are all stressed and I have no right to be more so than they are. thankfully she is at college during the week and is away from me during those times.
I have to be strong to get through this, you know?
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egyptcrossarabs
Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 254
Debtcc Points: 4669
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:50 pm
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egypt - i also have a child..just turned 16 and knows more than we i am giving him credit for. I have tried to hide my situation from him, but i know he knows that something is up. My biggest worry is that i am a big disappoint to him.. I have a car that is in sorry shape and he wants to get his license. I can't use our car because i know it won't pass their inspection and that is a major disappointment to him..so we are now forced to borrow a car so he can take his drivers test.
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whiterock73
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 373
Debtcc Points: 3501
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:56 pm
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I cannot believe how this trap affects everyone in your family? I get angry because like our whole family including brother in laws and sister in laws knew that my husband was not getting any pay, but they cannot unsderstnad why we have *debt*? Like I am stupid or something for having to borrow? They are not aware where though?
I see no recourse with my son and daughter and husband than to be upfront and have them ride this out with me? It should not all be on me? You know?
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egyptcrossarabs
Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 254
Debtcc Points: 4669
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:05 pm
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Boy Egypt another tough one...In my situation, I am the only one to blame...I have a gambling problem which is what got me into this mess to begin with..so have no one to blame but myself. Lost my house due to gambling..Wonder when i will ever learn...but I FINALLY HAVE HIT BOTTOM AND AM GOING TO DIG MYSELF OUT NO MATTER WHAT...I don't know what to say about your family, but if they are part of the problem that got your family into this situation then maybe they should know about what is going on so you don't have to bare the burden alone..just a thought.
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whiterock73
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
Posts: 373
Debtcc Points: 3501
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:01 pm
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Guys. . .know that all will be okay. I too struggle but I only have to worry about me. Both of my kids are adults, one married and the other in California. They both have a great education and a great job. My money is not unlimited and it's been rough but I am fortunate in that I didn't get too far into the "trap" before I decided to bail myself out. Know that I am thinking of you as you walk this journey.
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Debtcc Points: 100
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:04 pm
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My family is not involved directly. I made the decision to get the loans, but it has been due to unemployment on my husband's part over the last few years, then him getting hurt. And yes, poor management and planning ahead on my part.
My kids see their dad as the victim here, and me as the ogre...somehow...like I am mean to him because he has had these problems and blaming him? I am really not doing this, but I do get tired of them being angry at me when I stress over this? And tell them truthfully this is why I have the debt I do?
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egyptcrossarabs
Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Posts: 254
Debtcc Points: 4669
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:36 pm
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egypt....that was my guest post...I always think I am signed when I'm not. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of the PDLer's. Being between a rock and a hard place is no fun, especially when it comes to our kids. I've had to deal with the but "what about Popa" thing myself over different situations and to be honest, it just plain stinks. Try not to look back on the what if's or the should of or could of's. Focus on what is in front of you. You can't change the past but you can change what you do next. You are not alone in this. You have a million arms to give a cyber hug you when you need it and don't beat yourself up over this. We all have done the wrong thing for the right reason. Smile
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llw1995
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 862
Debtcc Points: 10242
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:52 pm
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egypt, you are giving yourself panic attacks! I know the feeling, as I lived it. You can see from other members posting to this thread that we are all in the same boat (or have been) so we can totally relate. Unfortunately, you have the personality to where you want results right now (isn't that Type A personality?). Nothing wrong with having that kind of personality, but you're going to have to try to "reprogram" yourself during all of this. It's a slow process, but it ends with great results. NOBODY knows about my whole "pdl life". NOBODY except this forum. And, that was really, really hard because it was just me trying to deal with it. If it wasn't for these people, I probably would have gone off the deep end. I remember in the very beginning I just wanted to close all the blinds and sit in the corner in the dark. Thank God I didn't choose that road. I chose to stand and fight (with the help of these people). I was a chicken $hit, for real. I was scared to death. But I listened to these guys and plunged in head first. What the hell. The thing that got me through it all, honestly, was knowing the fact that I would not go to jail. That was my worst fear. Once I realized I wasn't going to go to jail, I could calm down (a little). And, I just sucked it up and stuck my tail between my legs when dealing with the storefronts. I did whatever I could to get out of them. Everytime I had to speak to them, I would just tell myself "It'll only take 15 minutes and it'll be over with." That helped. When it came to internet pdls, I did everything via email. I'm a hell of a lot better at writing than talking!  And, I will tell you this - you will come out on top of all this and you will be stronger than you ever thought you were. I look back and think "Holy cow! I can't believe I got through that!" I guess I was tougher than I thought, but not without the support and advise from this place. You can do this. Just realize it's not an overnight process. It does take work and it does take guts. You have the determination. I can tell from what you've already accomplished. Just keep telling yourself that soon it'll be over, because it will be. Honestly, it will be. Just not overnight though!
And, whiterock, I applaude you for admitting your gambling problem and addressing it. And also for your determination to get yourself out of this mess. That is awesome.
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cannr
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Joined: 07 Jun 2007
Posts: 9335
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:42 am
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cannr....agree. I like things to be done and over as well, but I have had to take a one step at a time approach with this. It does pay off and I have already seen the results of what can be accomplished when you stand firm. Keep up the good work!
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llw1995
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 862
Debtcc Points: 10242
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:51 am
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I feel you pain! I've been going through this for a long time! I've paid them off a couple of times and then re-borrowed. I recently hit the big "40", weeks before my birthday I was really depressed...I kept thinking, what a loser I was. Age 40 and still in over my head, can't manage money, have my family in a mess that they don't even know about...A few days after my birthday, I decided that the problem is bigger than me:) So I made an appt for tomorrow with CCCS, I know they don't help with PayDay loans, but the rest of my bills have now suffered due to the PDLs,. I'm hoping they can offer help with a budget and other areas. My next payday I should again be able to pay off 2 store fronts. The other 2 one on line and one store front, I hope to take advanage of the EPP. Its time for me to once and for all to clean this mess up and get out of this trap. Like Cannr said, you have to jump in head first and be brave.
Best of luck to you, Reny
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lmale
Joined: 28 Mar 2008
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:53 am
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I'm also one of those "I want it over and done with" people. However, it took me a while to get into this mess and I know it'll take a while to get out. But I try to figure it this way, each day is a step AWAY from the PDL's! Hang tough!!
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Pachacutec
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