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Jason From NJ · Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 8:36 am Subject: Major Debt

Hi, I'm Jason I'm 34 and I live in North Eastern New Jersey. I have a few major debts tha i'm hoping can be lowered considerably. I'm currently unemployed and cannot receive Workmen's Compensation. Okay to start everything off, about 8 months ago I was looking to order a Monkey from AESOP, and i did. it costed me about 14,300 Us Dollars.
This monkey was very obedient for the frist 2 weeks, then within the nest 2 weeks became increasingly agressive, destructive and sexual. By the time a month had passed, he had punched multiple holes in most walls of the house, tore down most of the fans, knocked down all the doors, and uprooted the kitchen sink. He was also deficating in my dog's bowl, and masturbating in the presence of guests, even molesting guests in some cases.
At this point I figured maybe he needed a female companion for him to calm down. So i bought a female Monkey, at the cost of 17,125 US Dollars. At the time I only had 360 dollars to pay for the monkey, this is where my debts start. After this i had a construction company, a plumbing company, and 3 electricians fix all the damages in my house. I had no money so pay for this.
It's been 5 1/2 months since my house has been fixed and i havnt been able to pay a dime, they're taking me to court over "breach of contract". I didnt have the money for a lawyer so i called the court office and provided me with a "cheap" lawyer that I would only have to pay in 3 installments, and I wouldnt have to start paying for 9 months. This lawyer though, costs me about 4,100 dollars and i dont have the money to pay for it. This though, is the absolute tip of the iceberg as compared to what happens next.
After another 3 weeks of having the two monkeys in my house, they became more agressive than ever. The house was a disaster again, worse than the first time around. The two monkeys were also having loud screeching sex all throughout every night and I was on the brink of insomnia and insanity, it had also caused numerous noise complaints.
In a rash decision to alleviate the monkey's suspected seperation anxiety which was causing the agressiveness, i bought 8 more monkeys, at 12,000 US Dollars each. This did NOT solve the problem, the other 8 monkeys immediately became as agressive as the other two and almost 1/4 of my house was torn offand reduced to rubble within another week. I had then, irritatedly, Ordered 672 (over two thirds of the company's inventory) more monkeys. I also bought 7 helecopters from HasCorp for them to fly in. All which i had no money to pay for up front. This was the worst decision yet. ALL of the monkeys became extremely agressive and sexual. Within 2 hours of having them, they broke out of (what was left of) my house. They were in my neighbors yards, in houses, on roofs, in trees, along the street, reeking havoc and having screeching sex everywhere. That same day they reduced my house to complete rubble and crashed 4 of the helecopters into neighboring houses of mine.
In the aftermath of this incident, I owe roughly $66,989,000 to 22 of my neighbors, 2 construction companies, 3 plumbing companies, an electrician company, AESOP, HasCorp, the DPW, the Municipan court, PSE&G, now 4 lawyers and 9 million dollars in fines. There are also 28 different lawsuits, and 9 charges (3 federal offenses) pending against me.
This is a very hard situation for me, it is going to be a very long endeavor. I need someone to help me. This is why i chose to Email you at. I was hoping there's atleast a few ways you can alleviate most of my debts.
I'm expecting a call from one of my lawyers today, he said he may be able to get rid of half my fines and find a way to have the government help pay a small portion of my debts. I'll keep you informed on that.
My Email is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I'm Hoping to hear back from you soon, so we can discuss this matter in further detail.

Thank you
Jason

Email address deleted per forum rules- Clay

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:18 am Subject:

Why do you people come here and make fun of us?

I do give you props for your creativity, though.

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:48 am Subject:

I believe you have bigger problems than we can handle here.

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:52 am Subject:

sounds like a bunch of monkey business to me..

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 2:55 pm Subject:

Isn't it ridiculous?

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:22 am Subject:

I can't believe that I actually sat here and wasted my time reading this!

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 5:09 pm Subject:

This post can never be real. Fins, you were the first one to sense this crap. I wish I would have been here when you saw this post. This is just disgusting. If I had her email address, I would have sent a well framed letter for her possible solutions. Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:23 pm Subject:

Andy,
I have to sit in on disciplinary hearings at work, and you would not even believe the stories I hear. This one takes the cake, though. Someone stayed up late thinking up this one.

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:25 pm Subject:

Okay, I think I shouldn't have read that post. I think you have serious problems. Who would spend that kind of money on a pet? I want an english bulldog, but I refuse to pay $1500 to $2500 for an animal. That money can go to better places. Man, you need to clean up your "monkey business".

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:52 pm Subject:

Hey , I got a good laugh out of it, even made my wife read it since it was so funny.

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:58 pm Subject:

Clay, the more I read, the crazier it got. My hubby got to laughing when he read it.

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:07 pm Subject: crazy monkey

I was actually starting to believe this. It makes me so mad to see people make fun of us. This is a great site that helps many people. KYSIDE38

Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:11 pm Subject:

The post above was sure to mock us down. Guess every user asking for help in this website returns back for a reply. But this person didn't. She just went away making us believe this crap.

Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 6:13 pm Subject:

Oh I think they'll be back..I'm sure we'll see more creative writing from them.

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