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Farmer Joe

Hello all,
I have a story to tell and I need to find a way on how to get out of the situation I am in.

As you can probably tell by my name, I am a farmer, and have been a farmer for over 40 years. About 3 years ago I was in an accident and a machine mangled my legs causing me to lose both of them. During the time, my wife was very supportive and loving and I don't think I could have made it through that tough time without her.

Well when you lose something as important to yourself as your legs, you go through a lot. You always feel people are looking at you, you feel overwhelmingly depressed, (at least I did), you feel inadequate in supporting your family. To get away from all the pain, I started drinking and then after a while I started gambling.Together, these are a lethal combination. This is when all of the problems started.

First I started with going to the local gambling establihment about once a week, just to throw down a hundred bucks on a table at black jack, just to get my mind off of my disability. Soon after, it was three times a week and I would go there with $500 dollars now. After a while it was every day. I had lost all of mine and my wife's family saving and I was maxing out all of my credit cards. Those totalled about 100k.

Well during this time my wife had no idea what was going on. One day the ca sino called the house and told her that I was late on paying a 10k marker that they had given me. She was totally confused and called me up right away. I was at the gambling boat when she called and told her everything. This was after I the worst gambling day of my life. A loss of over 16K in one day. I told her I had a problem and that I needed help. She was behind me 100%.

I stopped the gambling for a while. Everything seemed perfect, we were working on paying back the CC companies and the boat. Then the next month a friend of mine from Vietnam came over. He brought a bottle of homemade whiskey over and when that was done, I was like an addict and drove straight to the boat. While I was there I lost another 5k on Black jack. Driving home, I got into a car accident and totalled my car. When my wife found out what happened she immediately told me that she wanted a divorce. I tried to play the guilt trip on her with my disability, but she was too smart for that this time. She wanted one and that was final, which I dont blame her for.

Here is the question. I want to file for bankruptcy, but she doesn't. Since we are splitting up and she doesnt want to file, I think that she should have to pay the bill. I know that it was my debt but I think if she wants to keep her perfect credit rating she should have to ante up. Legally am I obligated to pay for this?

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:12 am Subject:

I am sorry for your troubles but here is my question to you: Why should your wife who did not cause any of this foot the bill??? What reasoning could you possibly have to justify expecting your wife, who seemed pretty supportive of you, to foot YOUR BILL? You had an accident, which is very tragic and I am terribly sorry to hear of, then you started drinking and gambling, LOST ALL OF YOUR AND HER MONEY, she stood by your side and then you turned arounda and did it again? Wow! Well if I was her, I would foot the bill for divorce just to be done with the whole situation! My husband put me in the same bind, got an addiction, stole all my money, put me in the whole to where I cannot even put groceries in my house and expects the same thing! How selfish!

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:16 am Subject:

Sad story, (if it is true). Here is my question you lost both of your legs in a farming accident. OK. So, I had a relative who lost both of their legs, OK, follow me here, well, they lost them through out time, one here, and then some time later, the other one. They could drive with just the one leg, but when the other one was amputated, well they couldn't drive anymore. I'm curious, even with prosthetics, how can you drive with two prosthetics legs?

Farmer Joe · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:19 am Subject:

Sorry to hear about your situation but I don't think you really understand my situation. I want to file for bankruptcy and she doesn't. That is why I think that she should pay the bills.

I was married to her for almost 20 years. I was the primary breadwinner. She didnt work a day in her life after she was married to me. All she did was take care of the children, clean the house and prepare the meals. She should owe me more than what I owe now in bills. Her credit is perfect because I paid for all of her spending.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:23 am Subject:

Again your addiction is the reason why you need to file bankruptcy why should she pay your debts off? ALl she did was take care of children, clean the house and prepare the meals?? Sounds to me like she had her hands full honey! I think you should man up and accept responsibility, you lost all the money beacuse of your addiction and she stood by you and tried to be supportive. Stop trying to blame her because you made a mistake. Your wife is not responsible for your gambling debt, nor is she responsible for making sure you get the help you need beacuse honey you need to be in AAA and Gamblers anon. Stop blaming your wife, you did this to yourself as far as the debt is concerned. I wouldn't file bankruptcy with you either, and she isn't required to do so. You can file bankruptcy all on your lonesome....

Farmer Joe · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:23 am Subject:

Steelers, I have a "disability-friendly" automobile. I have two metals poles attached to the pedals. I use my knees to push them in as needed. It was a pain at first, but now its no problem at all.

Farmer Joe · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:26 am Subject:

Leah, that is what Im trying to get at. Isn't she just as responsible for the debt as me since we were married?

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:29 am Subject:

I see, you lost your legs below the knee, my relative lost them both above the knee, that makes more sense.
And depending upon what state you live in, some states are 50/50. But if she did not sign any promisory notes then she isn't obligated to pay them for you, especially if the debt is related to a gambling issue/addiction. I wouldn't count on her to bail you out. And to be honest, if I were in her shoes, I don't think I would either. Just being honest.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:32 am Subject:

No she isnt. She is not the one who went out and gambled all the money away...You should be paying the cas_ino(WTH-thats a bad word??) back their money not her. My husband stole all my money and do you think I feel responsible for it? NO NOT A CHANCE. You want to know why? Because I don't have an addiction, I didn't rack up thousands of dollars to cover my addiction, and I will not pay for his mistakes. Now, had you not done the things you did to cause such debt and you were splitting up, yeah things would be different! But how selfish is it of you to expect a woman who tried to be supportive pay your thousands upon thousands of dollars of debt?? Was she at the boat with you? Did she drive you there? Did she run you to the liquor store? NO. YOu did those things. The only person at fault here is you...I feel bad for your situation, its gotta suck, but plenty of people have accidents such as yourself and do turn to drugs, alcohol and gambling or whatever addiction to get through it. You need to man up and just go file for bankruptcy on your own, let her have her divorce and move on with her life. Haven't you done enough damage with your lies, gambling and addiction? Haven't you?

Farmer Joe · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:43 am Subject:

Leah, I dont want to get into an argument, but I will try to explain myself to you. I paid her bills, bought her clothes, fed her, put a house over her head. Anything she wanted for the last 20 years she had. She had never had a job since she had been married to me. She would roll her butt out of bed at 730 get the kids off to school, keep a clean house and watch Oprah. That was it.I think it is time she paid me back a little.
And believe me, woman that stay at home all day to cook and clean always complain that its a full-time job. HAHAH. Thats nothing compared to what I do day in and day out.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:47 am Subject:

Unfortunately for you the family court judge will not have the same view as you do. They view a person who stays home and takes care of the family and home as contributing to the household. You are not going to get a judge to rule in your favor and make her help pay for your gambling debt. If you try, be prepared for the judge to have some harsh words to say to you in open court in front of others.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:52 am Subject:

I am not trying to argue with you either, however I do feel that you are being a selfish person and I think that as her husband who knew she was going to be taking care of the house and kids knew that you were going to be taking care of her financially...Somehow it doesn't quite add up to the amount of debt your addiction has brought on...But take it to court and see what the judge says...I'd be willing to bet that she wins allimony! I hope all your kids are over 18 cuz then you will be paying child support on top of that....Men kill me! Oh my dear lord...I am going to pray for you because you are dillusional.

Farmer Joe · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:53 am Subject:

Any male judge will know that this is a total crock. The only reason that anyone says this is that it is politically correct. There is no way that a woman handles half of the responsibility in a marriage if she doesn't work. She stays home all day knitting and watching tv while Im out grinding out a living every day for her.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:54 am Subject:

Also, you may be forced to sell your house and farm, you will have to split what ever monies are made from the sale with your wife if you live in a 50/50 state, even though you think she never performed any job duties during 20 years. I guarantee you the judge will see it otherwise, and yes, she will get child support and alimony, and 50% of whatever is left over from the sale of your estate after you pay off the bills with the monies. You are not going to get your way in this one.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:55 am Subject:

And if the judge wants to they can make you pay for her divorce attorney and all court costs.

Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:22 am Subject:

Just out of curiousity then, why didn't your wife work? How many kids did you all end up having? Was she barefoot and pregnant all the time? I would be willing to bet you are one of those old timers who doesn't expec this woman to work until the crap hits the fan right? Good luck.... (NOT)

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