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 Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:06 pm Subject: Helping others with debt |
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Has anyone here had any experience approaching a friend or relative regarding their debt (I mean the friend or relative's debt).
I am very concerned about someone close to me who I know is in very bad shape. This past week, their heat and electricity were going to be shut off due to non-payment. In the past, I have loaned money to this person for similar situations and am nervous that they are not making any improvement or effort to help the situation. They have never paid back what I have loaned. I am happy to help, but I am by no means wealthy.
I was thinking of pointing out that I have not been paid back and suggesting a debt/financial counselor to get on track. Is this too in-your-face?
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waterbug811
Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 138
Debtcc Points: 3226
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| Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:11 pm Subject: |
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Waterbug,
It is indeed a difficult situation. On one hand you want to help them, on the other you can't really help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
A long time ago I loaned 3 separate friends money, all within the same month. Neither of them paid it back. In turn, that put me in a bind and caused me to become delinquent on a lot of my own accounts. In the end, the episode ended our friendships and I ultimately had to sue all three of them.
Money does tend to come between people; I learned that the hard way. My personal philosphy now is that you shouldn't loan friends money, unless you are willing to accept that you might not get it back. I will help my friends to steer them in the right direction, and offer advice when they want it, but I will no longer fund my friends -- that only enables them to dig a deeper hole.
You are right to point out that s/he still has obligations to you. I don't think you should be confrontational, or else they will probably get defensive and start making up excuses (then they might start avoiding you too). But point out that it is apparent they are having problems and you would like to help them out. Maybe you can point them to this site.
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DebtCruncher
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| Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:07 pm Subject: |
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The hardest thing is convincing someone they need help, ie a consellor. People tend to be very ashamed of debt and generally do not want any help- unless its money. Maybe get them to goto one of these forums and see the millions of other people in the same position.
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