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Tired of it all

Date: Sat, 10/21/2006 - 17:50

Submitted by anonymous
on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 17:50

Posts: 202330 Credits: [Donate]

Total Replies: 49


As I sit here trying to help my sister get out of the payday loan mess she is in, i am sick to my stomach. She knew darn well what she was getting into when she did this. She knew about the interest rates, how much they would take out of her bank, etc, etc. She admited as much. But, now as she reads these forums, she thinks she is a victim. You people make it sound like you are all poor innocent victims turned super heros trying to fight the mean payday loan guys. Granted, they are sharks, but you all just horrified about how they took your money. What about the money you took from your family and friends? My sister feels horrified about what the mean payday loan guys did to her. I wish my sister would be just as horrified about the money she mooches off of everyone else. As far as I am concerned my sister is pain in the butt, along with her brother, and I hope they both read this. She got the first two payday loans, because, god forbid, her cell phone should be shut off. When I told her she needs to get rid of the cell phone she cried harder than she did when our mother died. My brother, has 2 kids but has one excuse after another not to get a second job to pay his bills. He is too good to work at fast food...... Is there debt consolidation they can sign up for all the $20 here, $100 there, that my siblings have "borrowed" from me and their younger sister, (who is responsible.) Yes, yes, I know all about being "down and out" i have been down that road before, but I was never so stupid as to buy a car I could not afford, rent an apartment that I could not afford or take out payday loans. Yes, I am a single parent, yes, I have been laid off, yes, I have had hard times, and I made mistakes, but they are my mistakes and I never played the victim card, not once.


How wonderful for you. But I don't recall anybody mentioning taking money from their family, unless you are complaining about giving your sister money. Sounds like you should seek family counseling. And koodos to you for being a single parent! What's your point? I am a single parent of two boys with severe/significant disabilities. You aren't doing anything new that other single parents are doing. Before you come here and attempt to pass judgement I suggest you get that family counseling and deal with those issues before you start degrading and insulting others whom you have no idea what their situations are.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 18:34

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It must be wonderful to be perfect, and be able to group everyone, except you of course, as non working, non bill paying losers. I am also a single parent who raised 3 children. I have worked the same job for over 30 years.
In the last ten years I've had three brain surgeries and returned to work after each one. I've had financial problems like everyone else I know and got caught up with three pay day lenders last year. I had more than paid them the full amount borrowed but they made it impossible to contact them until I found this sight and got contact information. I've gotten over $800.00 in legal refunds from these criminals.

I'm doing better, too bad your sister and brother have to listen to your self serving bull.

As a single parent I hope your attitude won't rub off on the children.

As Steelers said, GET THAT COUNSELING!!!!!


lrhall41

Submitted by SAM62 on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 20:35

( Posts: 51 | Credits: )


Yes, hats off to you, RST. As Steelers1 says, though, being a single mother doesn't make you some kind of hero. Many of us are in that same situation. And for your information, my problem wasn't because I wanted a cell phone or a new car. Mine was because I had to take care of my handicapped child because the incompetent nurses they sent me who were not able to care for him properly. I can tell you horror stories about how a nurse when outside to smoke a cigarette and left my 11-month-old son in a walker with the basement door open with all his tracheostomy tubing and he fell down the basement stairs. So don't go passing judgment on people until you know their circumstances. Oh, and by the way, my sister was my right arm. I couldn't have done it without her, so I guess all sisters aren't "moochers." This particular sister died last year of a heart attack at the age of 47, so I suggest you quit your belly aching and appreciate your siblings while they're still around.


lrhall41

Submitted by dbaker6 on Sat, 10/21/2006 - 20:40

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Ok quick vent---I NEVER borrowed from my family and/or friends...Had I done that, I may not have got in the PDL mess!

I've also put in 18 hours of overtime this week..I've worked from 10 a.m. until midnight for the past three days.

Anyways--Guys, don't worry about this guy. His issues run deeper than his sister's PDL mess. I agree with those who say they should seek family counseling to get to the deep issues so they can heal their relationship.


lrhall41

Submitted by Jessi on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 05:21

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And venting is fine, but I also can comprehend what I read. This preson is attacking others based on what they are experiencing at the current moment with particular family members. Venting is great, but this person is counter transferring their issues and placing them on others with whom they have no idea what their experiences are. Therefor, the suggestion of family counseling is warranted.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 08:19

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RST,

I have thought about your post and I'm sorry that your family has caused you some kind of hardship. The choice to help them out financially was yours and yours alone. You could have always said now. I have recovered from my own pdl situation with the help of other forum members. I would not judge someone in this situation unless you have been there myself. I for one did not borrow from my family members. I clawed my way out on my own and also with the help of a debt consolidation company. I do not think it is fair to generalize everyone on this forum and their circumstances. Maybe there is something that you need to be concentrating on for yourself.


lrhall41

Submitted by Cow & Chicken on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 09:52

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You all misunderstood my last sentence which was??????????????.???????Yes, I am a single parent, yes, I have been laid off, yes, I have had hard times, and I made mistakes, but they are my mistakes and I never played the victim card, not once.???????
I have made huge mistakes but I am not a victim. There is nothing worse than listening, reading, about someone????????s sad tale of woe over and over. I could blame a lot of people, but when it all comes down to it ???????? I have only myself to blame. I have spent 3 weeks helping my sister with her payday loan mess. At first she was mad at herself, now she is a ???????victim,??????? mad at the Payday loan people who ???????scammed??????? her. As I said, they are sharks and prey on desperate people, but, I would rather have my sister admit she was stupid instead of playing the part of the victim. She now believes she is the ???????victim??????? of collections agencies too, after she spent time on this website. When I made the decision to become a parent, I realized that I had to provide for them and not complain about how much of a burden it is. I do not think I should be nominated for sainthood for doing what I should be doing as a father. When my ex-wife divorced me and left me with the kids, I considered it a blessing that I have custody and do not consider it a burden. I do whatever I can to make sure they are provided for without complaining. A few years ago I had to go to food shelves, I have had to take on crappy jobs to get by. Believe me, it is just as hard for a man to support children on his own as it is a woman. BUT, I AM NOT A VICTIM. We live simply, but happy. And, just to make sure I don????????t start feeling sorry for myself, I volunteer to serve lunch at the homeless shelter by my job once a month. I am also active in an organization that lobby our government to provide health care for all Americans, especially the elderly. If any of you are interested, let me know. I like to help my family out when I can, but I am tired of them being victims.
Also, see the article from todays Minneapolis Star Tribune about the payday sharks. startribune.com/789/story/757925.html BY THE WAY, I NOTICED ADS FOR PAYDAY LOANS ON YOUR WEBSITE. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? I agree they should be banned, but please, enough of the victim!


lrhall41

Submitted by on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 10:39

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The pdl adds are because of google adsense and the site has no control of them being on the site. It is because of the words payday. It's unfortunate that they are here, but I think everyone has learned to ignore them. And I don't think people are claiming to be victims here, I believe they are upset with themselves, just read the posts when people say they can't believe how stupid they were and will never make the mistake again. They have come here and have been educated on the laws and how to advocate for themselves to get out of the pdl trap. We do not advocate for people NOT to pay what they owe, but rather pay what you LEGALLY owe. I personally volunteer for the Special Olympics and the Epliepsy Foundation. Just as you did, people also come here to vent their frustrations, if you are reading into the venting as they feel they have been victimized then that is how you have chose to read the posts.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 10:47

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RST,

Thank you for your response. Do I blame anyone else for the situations that I put myself in? No. Do I need to vent and work through the emotions? You betcha. I put myself in the pdl mess, I hid it due to the shame, and I dug myself out of it with the guidance and support of my family and forum members. Not financial support though. This is my community family and I am grateful for them every day. There is a possiblity that I can be laid off from my job. Did I whine, moan, and crab at first? You betcha. Am I playing the victim? No. I'm doing what I need to do to take care of myself and my family. Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on and simply just need to vent. I cannot let me emotions eat me alive. I'm sorry that your sister is playing the victim. I had to fall on my own face in order to deal with my pdl mess. I worked overtime, I filed the proper complaints, I worked with a debt consolidation company. Most people on here come here for the support and answers they are looking for. It's nice to know that we aren't alone, that others have gone through it as well. I believe individuals need to do their own foot work as well. I applaud your efforts as a single parent.


lrhall41

Submitted by Cow & Chicken on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 11:08

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I don't need applause for being a single parent, but thanks anyway. I believe that if a person makes a decision to have children, then they need to provide for them without whining about how hard it is. It is tough being any kind of parent, single or not, especially if finances are tight. I don't think I need to be applauded for doing my job as a parent. If I have to work OT to pay a debt, so be it. I SHOULD work OT if it means keeping my family debt free. My brother and sister SHOULD work OT to pay off their debts without expecting someone to feel sorry for them and praise them for doing what they SHOULD do. I don't understand...... never will.

I am sorry of hearing about sad tales of woe, at work, on the bus, and family gatherings. Everyone has a sadder story than the last one. I saw it in the response to my first post.

I have seen the real down-and-out at homeless shelters, many of them looked upon with disdain by those who do nothing but whine all the time about how rough their life is.

Maybe all and all you all do some good work. But, I am still convinced that a lot of people go to this website feeling like the fools that they SHOULD feel like and then start believing that they are victims. My sister is an example of that.

There is nothing wrong feeling like an ass to keep you from messing up again and all of you do a good job of promoting the victim side.

This website was good for helping my sister, but I still think it should try and do something about the payday loan ads. I am not website expert, but with your determination, which I have seen, I think it can be done, if you try.


lrhall41

Submitted by on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 13:39

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I know what you are saying when you mention that you are tired of the "Oh woe is me" I know those type and it does get under my skin, they attempt to make themselves to be perpetual victims. I do not see myself as a victim, anyone who knows me would tell you that, I am straight forward and I don't dish BS and I don't accept BS. I haven't heard anybody whining about how hard it is to take care of their children. But many tell their stories so that others can understand what led to their mistakes in hopes that somebody will read it and think twice before making the same ones. I work with the severly mentally ill, convicts, parolees, and the homeless everyday, so you do NOT need to preach to me what they are going through. You may volunteer at a homeless shelter, but I advocate for them to get housing, benefits,medical care etc.. and once those are in place I ensure that those are maintained. So again, don't be so quick to judge us on this forum as you do not know what we do either. Again, as Mishele posted, people come here to vent not to reap pity, it is healthy to let your feelings out among those you feel can identify or assist you. Keeping it bottled up only exaserbates the situation and can lead to other problems. I completely agree with you about your sister, I would suggest some tough love, do not ever loan her or your brother money again. Keep venting, that is what we are here for, if it makes you feel better.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 13:49

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RST, VICTIM, I think anybody that has overpaid these vultures the way that the majority of people on here have are definately victims. Especially when it is ILLEGAL in many states to charge these type of rates. Payday Lending is prohibited in my state. Do you think any of these lenders divulged that NO. They are sharks and deserve no mercy from anyone. The majority of people on this site are hard-working good decent people. KYSIDE38


lrhall41

Submitted by KYSIDE38 on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 14:05

( Posts: 2477 | Credits: )


Hey Guest:

Getting a second job is harder than it sounds. I have put in 6 different applications and can never get anyone to call me back--and I'm told it's because they want help when I'm working my first job, which is my benefitted job. And by the way, I have held that position for 7 years. So I was like you, because I thought McDonald's was always hiring, but not at the hours I can do, OK?
What I am trying to say, is, it's really easy to get on the high horse and say you people should just suck it up and deal with it, but sometimes it's not that simple--and you should really consider everyone's circumstances before you make blanket statements like that. A little more thought and a lot less judgement, OK? Now have a good day...


lrhall41

Submitted by kscornell on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 14:20

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Kscornell, this person just wants to berate others on this forum because they can not cope or are angry with family members. No matter what we post they are going to go back to the same arguement and bring up more issues with their sister and that they volunteer at a homeless shelter. I don't think anything that is said to him will get him to see the light or get him to stop being judgemental.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 14:35

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There are people who roam message boards all over the "net" looking for people to instigate or egg on with conflict. They know how to push peoples buttons and all they do is post once and watch the fallout. so I think our advice has been offered, solutions noted and we should move on... HOW ABOUT THOSE CARDINALS!


lrhall41

Submitted by PDLFREE on Sun, 10/22/2006 - 18:30

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i have to agree with this guy. u dont seem to like another opininon. u jump all over him and i think u could act like adults. i am helping my father to with his pay day loans. i bet lots of peopel are doing the same and cant say nothing to u cuz u want just kiss ass from people. i just turned 17 and i get told all the time to act like a adult. it sucks that dad has one excues after another. all that guy is saying is that u all maybe who have all this big power on the internet and have the big infulence maybe say to some of these adults to not be babies. i see that he said that some end up more mad at the bill guys to and not so much at themselfs. i dont get to have a excuse at school if my homework is not done. but my dad has a reason all the time. it is the boss fault and the american goverment. if u are not paying bills it sucks for your teenagers. i take the call from the man wanting his money for the car paymant cuz my dad says to say he is not home. . my nieghbor lady lets me use her computer because my dad said it is the cable mans fault they turned it off. i talked to her about it and she had the same proble in her house. she helps me find this sight so i can help my father. it SUCKS i have to help him. he cant work the computer very well.


lrhall41

Submitted by on Tue, 10/24/2006 - 18:19

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One suggestion, same as the first for the other: Get family counseling. You do not know people's individual situations and being judgemental is a fault. Work on it. And you don't know what people here are doing and NO MAJORITY have not borrowed from family to pay their debts here so do NOT come here making accusations that you can NOT back up. This is a debt forum for people to seek advice and to vent. When you get older you will understand the healthy value in being able to vent your frustrations. It does wonders for your mental health status. Again if you came here to get advice for your father that is wonderful that you are helping him, but do not come here and place judgement on others. Now what is it you need help with? If you post your question(s) I'm sure others would be more than willing to assist you and your father.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Tue, 10/24/2006 - 18:30

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Hey Marcus,
I have a daughter who is your age--and I can certainly empathize with you. It's almost like you got a rude wakeup call into the real world before you left high school, right?
I think it's great you want to help your dad, but I'm going to tell you what I'd tell my daughter: sometimes life takes a fork in the road, and it isn't always fair. You have to reserve any judgement on a person until you know the whole story.
Everyone on this board has different situations and everyone has issues we have to deal with sometimes one minute at a time. And most importantly, noone and I mean noone here wants to get out of what they owe; you HAVE to believe that. We just want to pay our debt in a fair manner.
So I hope you post again, OK?


lrhall41

Submitted by kscornell on Tue, 10/24/2006 - 18:45

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Well, it seems that the first man came here to criticize us for being in debt. I don't blame the gas man or the cable man if these things get shut off. It's usually because someone hasn't paid the bill. DUH! No, I didn't borrow money from my family. I worked it out but I had the guidance and support of the other forum members who were going through the same thing. Have I made mistakes? You betcha. My family and I and working on these issues and are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sorry that your father is making excuses. I'm glad to hear that you are stepping up to the plate to help him. Yet, the other person came here to vent because it seems that he helped his sister financially. We aren't here playing victims. We are here to help one another. Yes, some days are better than others. Don't come here playing God. When you point the finger at someone else, three are pointing right back at you.


lrhall41

Submitted by Cow & Chicken on Wed, 10/25/2006 - 02:41

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RST, First of all I applaude you for being such a strong, well together person. Yes, I have made some terrible financial decisions in my life and I blame no one but myself. But you also have to look at each individual situation. Not all but alot of the reason people make poor financial decisions is that they are not taught any better. That's why we are all here on the forums is to teach and encourage each other to takecontrolof your finances and make wiser decisions. It is not fair to make a judgment about a person or situation unless you know all the facts. It sounds like you are bitter and that you resent helping your brother sister. If that is the case then don't help them anymore. It sounds very hypocritical if you offer to help someone and then complain about doing it. Try to teach them instead of forking over your hard earned money. I do understand your point about whiny people who just want a hand out. I get tired of hearing people whine about their situation and circumstances and people just looking for a hand out but that is not what this forum is here for. It is to help people. I could easily blame my situation on my parents for not teaching me how to make financial decisions or I could expect a hand out because of how I grew up and blame everyone else for my mistakes but I don't. But everyone has to learn from their mistakes and try not to make the same mistakes again.
Also, if you really research you will find that alot of pdl companies and other financial institutions find ways to rip people off because they are out to make money any way they can and they get away with it because people are not educated enough about financial matters to know that they are getting ripped off. Just because they are an established financial institution doesn't mean that they are honest.


lrhall41

Submitted by kirasienna13 on Wed, 10/25/2006 - 16:31

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Marcus, You are still young and have alot to learn about financial matters. I am sorry that you are so young and are having to take care of your dad and go to school. If he is not disabled or something like that what is preventing him from acting like an adult and taking care of you like a dad should? I completely understand your situation. I started having to take care of my mom and my sisters when I was nine years old because my dad went from job to job and drank and did drugs everyday and my mom had health problems because of depression and abuse. I went to 16 different schools, been in foster homes and was homeless numerous times. I am 32 now and still learning about life especially financial matters. My advice to you is please don't let your circumstances determine who you are or what you become. All of us here have made poor decisions at one time or another but we are working hard to learn from our mistakes and make wiser decisions. If you ever need help we are hear to listen.


lrhall41

Submitted by kirasienna13 on Wed, 10/25/2006 - 16:51

( Posts: 97 | Credits: )


i dont need family counsling. i live with my mother who does fine. i go to my father 2 a week with my little brother when my mother is cleaning office buidings at nite. i know she does it cuz my father does not pay his suport all the time. but my mother never says any thing about bills. my father gripes that he pays to much sup[port.

steelers, u are a bit cranky?

my mom is on line about once a week to pay bills and read email from her sister. she dont have time with 2 kids and 1 in collage.

i am helping my father cuz he is my father. but, he is a pain. i get mostly Bs and have a job. i type fast so i make mistakes but i am smart, and can see that some of u dont like to hear the truth. no one says they are behind on suport. lots of u owe money to other people and dont admit it cuz u cant put it in the consoledation. let me give u the tips my mother gave me. she also hleped my aunt and has these tips on our fridge.

1. never buy some thing u cant afford or it makes the budget to tight. stay on a budget. even if it means u have to drive a ford focus insteed of a sprots car. only use credit if u need to. dont use credit to buy vactations or furniture. save for it or buy used. only use credit cards for whta you really need.

2. dont wait till u are broke before u get a parttime job. my mom works a 2ndjob till she has $2500 saved for emergencies. then she has just 1 job til she has to uses the money or my father does not pay support

3. have a misclaneous fund in your budget. at least 200 to 300 a month for things that come up like paying for you kids football or class trip. if u cant budget the misc u need a parttime job. dont buy any thing not needed that cuts in the misc money. if u dont use the misc money save it for a vacation or family nite out.

4. dont be afraid of hard part time jobs. u get tired but feel goodabout paying bills.


lrhall41

Submitted by on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 18:29

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I have a feeling you are not who you say you are but the same person who posts the same unnecessary degrading remarks to other members and guests seeking advice. If you are a child and you are helping your father, then stop complaining or just stop helping him. Don't come here placing judgement on others. I don't care who thinks I'm cranky doesn't phase me one bit.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 18:32

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Marcus, you really do have some valid points, and everyone's opinion is welcome here.

I can understand where you're coming from. Please just understand that all of us here work HARD..We have all been in some sort of debt situation or other, and have either pulled out of it or are pulling out of it. Please don't criticize us...We have all made mistakes, and there is no shame in that. We've all learned, and we are here to help each other out.


lrhall41

Submitted by finsfan13 on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 18:33

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I have to ask you this since you are handing out advice. What do you tell a single parent with two severely disabled children with severe medical issues when they can't find a sitter who is willing to care for the children so you can work that second job? And the only way you work the full time job is because of year round schooling for them during the day? How do you suggest one pay for the sitter who is willing to care for the children but because of the disabilities want $15 hr. which is more than most part time jobs pay? Just curious, only posted this because you need to stop judging people and understand people here are in their situation for different reasons and adult reasons for which a child can not possibly have an answer to. And my debts are taken care of, I have been there done that and taken care of myself and my children with nobody's hand out, I did it on my own. So you must understand that when you come here and you want to throw insults you are not going to get a favorable reaction. If you had come here and given suggestions politely without the judgemental mentality I don't think anybody would become defensive. It is wonderful you help your father, and if you want to give advice great, you may be helping somebody, but to hurl insults, not necessary. If you haven't noticed most posts are cordial and the responses are cordial it isn't until somebody begins the unnecessary insults do you get a less than friendly response and in turn you continue to insult. Post as much as you want, but please show some respect and in turn you will receive respect.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 18:41

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Marcus:

Your mother sounds like a very intelligent woman. The advice she gave you will help you avoid pitfalls that other people, including myself, have made. She is setting a good example for you, and that is wonderful. I appreciate your posting her advice here. I wish you all the best.


lrhall41

Submitted by dbaker6 on Thu, 10/26/2006 - 21:03

( Posts: 1600 | Credits: )


No, it is never ok to be judgemental, and the scenerio I gave is a real one. If somebody wants to give advice that is wonderful, but to be judgemental without knowing others situations? I don't think so. If you throw out insults do you really expect to be welcomed? No. You are intentionally setting out to create a defensive remark from another. My only regret is that I allowed myself to get angry and respond. So I will no longer respond to posts that are meant to intentionally hurt others or to evoke a negative response to continue the negative posts. That is not condusive to an amotosphere which is to help others and provide support.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Fri, 10/27/2006 - 08:58

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I also have money tips for teenagers.
1. Get a job
2. hide your money or your little brother will steel it and u will get grounded when you punch him.
3. if you have a car take the bus to shchool so u have more gas money for the week end. i dont have a car but my freind does.
4. dont let your freinds talk you out of y our money cuz they never pay you back
5. be nice to the lazy rich guy on the block cuz he will pay you $60 to rake his lawn.
6. if a girlfriend wants u to spend money on her DUMP HER.
7. get a job during the day on the week end. so u can still hang out with freinds at nite i work at a petstore.
8. only spend at burger king if u mother is on a diet and there is nothing but vegs to eat in the frige.
9. save money to buy your mother earings for her bday. it is worth it cuz she is so happy u did that for her. then u can get away with a lot more and not get grounded for about 3 months.
10. it takes 4 months to save for an IPod.
11. MOST IMPORTANT save a couple bucks so u can bribe your brat brother to not tell on u.


lrhall41

Submitted by on Fri, 10/27/2006 - 17:42

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Marcus, you should register and start a blog. You give good advice that even adults could use, and teens could use even more before making adult mistakes. Like I said, you earn points for your posts which can later be cashed in for payment. You can also earn money on your blog through google adsense. Register and pm Mike he can lead you in the right direction with starting a blog.


lrhall41

Submitted by WHEREAMI? on Fri, 10/27/2006 - 18:02

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but i am at my fathers house and i am using the nieghbor internet. my mother only lets me use the internet for 45 mins a day at home if i am lucky. she thinks i will get in trouble online. i am going out now with my frends so u all have fun at home even if u are broke. :lol:


lrhall41

Submitted by on Fri, 10/27/2006 - 18:12

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I am too, Marcus! You have good ideas and I hope you come back alot! And now the mom in me is coming out, so bear with me here :) I think your writing would be even better if your spelling was stronger. You already have great ideas but just need the tools to get them across a little better. It's like a baseball player going through batting practice, something like that.
I would be happy to help you if you want. Just PM me, OK? Take care and come back, we need you!


lrhall41

Submitted by kscornell on Sat, 10/28/2006 - 14:06

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