Debt story - have questions

I guess I should start out by saying that I have been hiding debt from my husband for a long time. We have been married almost 18 years and have 3 kids. I have always worked in some way to bring in income, but did things (like daycare and work at home) so that I could stay home with our kids, so didn't bring in a full time income. My husband has always worked very hard.
I think it all started when I did stay home with our first. I just wasn't able to say no to my husband when he wanted to buy something. I felt like he worked hard and deserved to have what he wanted. He always just left the bills and money up to me and never ask questions, it was just assumed. He worked so hard, I didn't want him to have anything else to worry about. We didn't ever live extravagently, but didn't live within our means or we wouldn't be in this mess now. Three years ago, my husband took a job with less stress, but made $30,000 less over a year and a half. The bad thing is that we didn't change our lifestyle. I knew we weren't doing the right thing and I really don't see how he didn't see that, but he didn't and I didn't speak up. He would buy something, then tell me later and I would figure out (secretly) how to cover what was spent. That was when I would turn to credit to cover it. This continued until it all just snowballed. Then the company he worked for closed and he was out of a job. He went back to work for his previous employer, but by that time it was too late. We went too long without health insurance and I had already started getting behind with the bills during the down time and it didn't get better. I did get a full time job in January, but it was too little too late.
Three weeks ago, he found some bills and the whole thing came spilling out. He didn't know about any of the debt, but he does now. That weekend was a very long weekend and many tears were shed. I thought for sure he was going to leave. He packed a bag twice, but never did actually walk out the door, as I begged him not to. We are now dealing with this together, sitting down and going through our checking acct together and keeping tabs on what both of us is spending. I work full time now (I had to now that our kids are in school full time and we lost his health insurance - plus I knew that we needed more income. Now he knows as well). I can say that it feels better to have the secret out and help from him in dealing with it, but I'm still getting sick thinking about it. That weekend that everything came out, I broke out in a rash all over, my joints swelled up and I lost 10 pounds in 4 days. I'm feeling a bit better now, but still not great.
We have about $17,000 in unsecured debt (credit cards), and owe $7,000 on one vehicle. We are behind in all the payments, including our house. The mortgage company is working with us though, so that is good and I am hoping we can make that work. Two houses in our small neighborhood (rural area, 88 homes) have gone into foreclosure in the past 3 months, pretty scary. Our credit is totally shot. His at 515 and mine at 476. So, I figure that debt consolidation or settlement won't hurt us at all, credit wise.
I haven't used credit cards in a very long time, but cannot seem to get caught up because of the enormity of it all. Just paying the minimum payments doesn't help, and it seems like once you get behind it is almost impossible to get caught up, much less get ahead.
I did speak to Superior debt relief today, and am going to fill out some forms to see what they can do for us. I liked what they had to say, but you can never be sure from just one phone call.
I'm curious as to other companies I should be looking at and what is typical to hear. Refinancing our mortgage is out, nobody will touch us right now.
We have also looked into Christian financial counseling with Crown financial ministries, but Superior Debt did say I should check them out thoroughly before setting up any appointments. I know they don't do any consolidation or settlements, just counseling to help you work out your problems. I figured that it might help my marriage, as it is obviously strained at this point.
We both are ready to step up to the plate and pay our debts. We feel as if bankruptcy is not an option, we want to pay our bills and get out of this mess.
I am tired of sleepless nights, rashes, sick stomach aches and stress.
I know that we both made the debt, but I feel so guilty for keeping it from him for so long and letting it get this far out of control. I feel so ashamed.
I am ready to take any and all advice that is out there. I would love to hear from others with similar stories or people who have experience with debt consolidation and/or settlement.