I need advice from anyone who is a parent

It can be very scary, I know. When my kids were 9 and 5, I put them on a plane to Vermont to see my dad (he was still alive then). I cried all the way home from the airport. He was at the airport to meet them and they had a great time, but it was hard to let them go!

So am I being silly worrying about that damn plane?

It's really difficult to let go - my daughter is now 17 - but I have forced myself to let go on numerous occasions through the years. As long as you know, deep down, that your mother is completely trustworthy - that she will watch him closely, that it won't be a matter of her having too many kids with her to keep up with, that she is responsible, etc - then I say let him go. It will be a trip of a lifetime for him and give him some really special memories of grandma and his cousins. If he doesn't already have a cell phone, get a pay-as-you-go cell phone for him before he leaves so that he can call you any time he wants, or you can call him just to be sure he's OK. It will also ease your mind knowing that he has that phone in his pocket in case there is a problem.

My daughter is extremely bright - and has been in dual-enrollment in college for three years now - this coming year will be her fourth. So I have had to watch her head off to Duke University, Georgetown University, New College of Sarasota, etc for classes for several years. Your son will at least be with grandma - I had to put mine on a plane alone and depend on representatives from the various universities to be at the airport to pick her up and get her settled in the dorm rooms, etc.

As long as grandma is responsible and dependable, let him go and have fun. It will be difficult for you, but you will be glad you allowed him to go.

I understand your fears. I would be the same way, especially with what has been happening in the world. My sister is overprotective as well. But she was able to let go of her fears last year and allow her son to visit his relatives for the WHOLE SUMMER in the Dominican. WOW. Couldn't believe she was able to do it but she did, and everything turned out fine, he was also able to have an experience of a life time that most kids could never say they did. Her biggest fear was the plane ride also, he was going on the plan by himself, but he was well cared for by the flight attendants. I personally am scared to death of planes, never been on one, I hope one day I have the courage to let go of that fear and go fly away somewhere and have a good time.

I say, you trust your mother, you know he will be in good hands, let him go and have a nice vacation. (Easier said than done I know).

First, as far as buying things that you can buy for him, I'm sure your mom realizes you and your husband can do the same. However, grandmothers have to buy their grandchildren something every time they see them. That's just being a grandparent. She may go overboard a little, but I'm sure she means no harm. Maybe you could tell her you appreciate all she buys for him and explain to her how it makes you feel, that you know that wasn't her intention.

I don't think it's silly to worry about the plane. You're a parent, after all. I do think, though, that if Andrew missed out on this, he might feel left out if the other grandkids are going. How long would they be gone? If you do decide to let him go, have him call when he gets to California so you won't worry and at least once a day just to talk so you don't miss him so much.

Whatever you do, just go with your maternal instinct. Whatever your gut feeling is is what I would go with. Good luck.

Well I am not a parent yet, but if my mom wanted to take my son somewhere, it would be hard for me to let him go but at the same time I know he would be well cared for so I would probably let him go. But if you are going to spend the entire time worrying, perhaps you should go with that feeling...No sense in stressing yourself out right? Whatever you decide to do, it will be the best decision. YOu are the mom and from what I hear these things come naturally!

Sounds like your mom just hates an empty house. She also may have a tough time expressing her love other than through gifts.

Unless you have serious concerns that your mother is mistreating your kids, I would let them go and enjoy themselves. Think of it as time you and your husband have to reconnect while your children are safely with someone you trust.

A time will come when Andrew will leave to go to camp. Go out on a date. Go to college. When are you going to give him that first time away where you will know he will come back to you?

Fins, I really do understand your feelings very well. We(my daughter and I) let each 1 of the boys go on the road with my husband their grandfather in the big rig. My daughter and I both were complete nervous wrecks. They both got to have this opportunity when they reached age 10

But, you know even to this day they...and the oldest is 14 now they both talk about their trips continually. What they saw and how much they learned. And, most especially it was a very special bonding time for them with their grandfather.

So I think you have to really listen closely inside to your internal motherly instinct. However, try to do so as objectively as possible. Are you really having a sincere intuition? Or, are you simply afraid of the unknown and letting him go for such a distance for such a long while?

And no I do not think that you are over reacting....I think you are being a mother, and in that area worry never ceases even when they're in their mid 30's.

To this day when any of my kids fly I am still a nervous wreck. I think in the end you will make the right decision. You trust your mother, and, as stated above by so many, what a fabulous chance for him to be with his cousins and grandmother. It will be something he will remember for his entire life. And, just think how blessed he is to have a chance like this.

Good luck hun....let us know what you decide.

Fins, I totally understand how you feel--and I do have to tell you I cried like a baby when my oldest one left our home in California and moved to Boston to go to Boston University by herself. This was a child who had never dealt with snow and never even worn a parka and entered BU in the coldest January on record in Boston!
It was the hardest thing I ever did to let her go--but it made her into the young woman she is today. She went from telling everyone "Quit staring at me damnit!!" when she was wearing her parka (I told her that they had never seen a Californian in one, lol), to graduating Magna Cum Laude last year.
I still wish she lived closer to me, but our kids have to follow their own dreams.

Fins -

When my daughter was 3-4 years old, my sister-in-law, who didn't have children at the time and doted on my daugther (helped that they were both redheads), wanted to take her on a trip from Virginia to Delaware to visit family.

I had a very hard time with it. I eventually let her go, because I knew my sis-in-law would take good care of her, but I worried the whole time, and there was no airplane involved. It all went well, but it's a mom thing, I guess.

My ex at one time considered flying the boys back and forth from Michigan to Virginia to see him for the summer - with no adult - just one of those "unaccompanied minor" flight thingies. My answer was..."are you INSANE!?!?" It'll never happen. I will never let my kids fly alone. Ever.

All in all, I'd say this is a judgement call. You obviously have a relative here that loves your kids dearly, and would do everything in her power to keep them safe. You have no power over the airline/airplane/flight situation, however. But what if she was driving them cross-country to California in a car?? From what the statistics say, they would be much more likely to have an auto accident than a problem with the plane. I know that's only a small comfort, but it's something to think about.

no i don't think you are being over protective it's just you being a parent and loving your child because if i gone away from my son for about two hours i get worried and i have to call to check on him and he's only 9 months. but i think you should let him go on the trip with your mother that will make her very happy.

Thanks guys, I knew you would all understand how I feel. I know he'll be ok, and I know it is an opportunity of a lifetime.

Fins - since your mom is so good to your sonyou know that he will be safe and it will be a memory that he will treasure for the rest of his life! I travelle with my grandmother to Detroit - on the train and on the bus many times over the years (a few times I dragged her with me for the trip - I was dating a boy from there)and I think about those wonderful trips with her quite often! And she always bought us kids things - in fact she bought my sisters and me our bras until the day she died and it took me forever to figure out what size I wore - but she knew.

So Fins, where in California are they going? If Northern, PM me and I can probably give some suggestions as to where they could go for fun. I know most of the cheap, safe places in the Bay Area for Kid fun and have been to many of them over the years, lol with my daughters.

Ks, they are going to San Diego. I wish she'd take me too!

hey Fins, relax... as the oothers have said.. let him go.. right now your MoM is dealing with the loss of a spouse and dealing with it by giving her time and love to her grandkids.. allow yourself and your kids to enjoy these memories she is making.. for in them they and you will always have her even when she is gone..

It never gets easier, either. Last year my daughter trekked off to Australia for 6 months to study. Right now, she is in the middle of the Amazon rainforest and going to Galapagos for a month. As a parent you worry, it's part of the job. At the same time, you get to see them experience wonderful things. I too have had the issue with an aunt of her buying way too much. It did upset me sometimes, but then I thought about how much I know she loves my kids, and that she won't be around forever, it made it easier. Your son will get a wonderful memory with cousins and grandma. A friend of mine's kids don't even get acknowledged whatsoever by their grandmother, which to me is more tragic than getting a little spoiled. Heck my mom still worries about me and I am past 40 - that's just how us mommies are :wink:

Been there-done that!! My dad died when my son was small, mom did the same thing-she quit eventuall. Still spoils them, and they are adults now!! As far as the plane-My first husband and I lived in N>C> and we we seperated, I came back to Okla. I let my son start flying when he was about 7 years old. Yes, I was almost sick about it, but had no choice. I made sure they had a password for anyone to pick him up,etc., but you don't have to worry about that part. I think in todays world, it isn't silly to be worried or scared about things. If you are really uncomfortable about him going- tell your mom you would love to go too!! As mothers, we will always be concerned and worried about our children and their welfare, I am, and they are adults!! Take Care,PM me if you want, and just say a prayer!!..Love ya girlie..KAren

Love you too karen!! You always make me feel better.

Heck- my oldest son is 33 years old, and because he is disabled, I get in a panic when he says he wants to visit his dad in N.C.:lol: Karen

Finsfan13 i think your mother is great like you.
If i was you i take your second honey moon now.
When i was your age always i was worried with
my mother to protected a lot my daughter and all her
grandchildren.
I'm a grandmother now and i understand MY MOTHER VERY WELL NOW.
It is a wonderful time for them and her.
Dont be afraid because travel is wonderful.
Dont be afraid because everything will be ok.
my mother and my father took my daughter everywhere
with my young brother.my daughter travel to Europe
many times and i never went there.
i think was good.
i think was the best time in the life of my father
and my mother.
i have so many movies to see now because my father
filmed everything and today i cry when
i see these movies.He filmed all his trips,all birthdays,Christmas,new year and many things.
finsfan13 you make me remember many things.
your mother go to be so happy with your children.
I'm sure your mother is like my age or less.
i'm 56 years now and my mother is 79 years old now.
Dont worry GOD will be always with you and your family.
i think your mother is a great mother just like you.

Fins, I know what you are going through. My 9 year old daughter was chosen to represent her school in Washington DC on a 2 week trip. My husband and I thought long and hard about this. We didn't want her to miss an opportunity like this. She would learn about the Senate, Congress and get to tour the White House and meet the president. There was going to be chaperons accompaning them on the trip. But she has never been on an airplane before let alone away from us for 2 weeks. We decided to not let her go.

I know your situation is different, but your son will be in excellent hands with your mom.

I know I am late coming into this, but I too understand the first time you put your kids on a plane. I had to put my kids on a plane to go see their biological father several years ago and they were young and it scared the tar out of me. I was in panic mode until I knew he had them. I cried as soon as they kissed me bye, in fact they were crying too! It is so scarey the first time you are truly away from your kids, but from what I am reading about your mom, he will be fine.

Heck, I start crying thinking about my son going into the Air Force and not knowing where he is going to be and him being on his own and praying that I raised him right and that he will use his head and not do anything dumb or make some of the mistakes I have made, etc.

I think he will have a great time and you know, the time will fly by. If you let him go, hide a special note or card in his suit case and carry on letting him know you love him and will miss him while he is gone and then hide a special something under his pillow for when he gets home. I started a letter from my kids starting the day they left and finished the morning they were coming home, so they had something to read to let them know what I did while they were gone and how much I missed them. Each day I wrote, I made sure I dated that portion of the letter. They loved it. Might help and make you feel better too.

Fin,we have a similar thing at home.I live about 200 feet from my inlaws home.They have a total of four kids& 8 grandkids. Their home is now empty and sometimes my kids end up with more play money than me! :shock: I can understand your fear of planes,but I would let him go with grandma.It is normal for a person who loses someone to cling to family hence the reason we do wakes down here and family keeps a close eye on someone if they would lose someone to death.

LOL, ok guys, I've made up my mind. Andrew gets to go. Thank you all so much for making me feel better. 2nband, that was a fabulous idea about the letter in the suitcase..I'm going to do that! Now you guys can all calm me down next month when he's gone!

We're always here for you fins! You've made the right choice, you'll see.

I still don't like letting my 8 year old ride his bike down the road without me, but I try to hide the hesitation, because I know that he needs to grow a sense of independence in small increments. So, I let him ride around the block, and then if it takes longer than I think it should, I go walking around, and find him.

I know what you mean..I am the same way. It's hard for me to let Andrew use the microwave!! And when he goes on school field trips I worry about the bus driver. That's the thing about being a parent..It's so bittersweet. I never knew that I was capable of loving a human so entirely..But it hurts at the same time, because I worry constantly. I guess that's what makes me a good mom. :D

Oh Fins....you know we will be here for you. I am sorry I have been away for a few days...but, I have been either working on the blog,and yesterday I spent about 4 hrs. trying to get it hooked up to here for Simon and Brian. But, you and all you guys are always in my thoughts.