Nothing to do with debt...but REALLY need advice.....

OK girlfriend...first rule of thumb...if you think your man is up to no good...then he probably is. I learned that the hard way and even married my idiot. Secondly, you will never be able to ignore it because you went through his phone and found out he was lying to you....so that will always be in the back of your mind. So here are you options: you can either confront him about it(do so calmly, and even then he probably will lie abou it) or you can wait to see if anything else turns up giving you concrete proof that he is up to no good. IT could be you just over reacting to a few text messages and freaking out....or itcould be more. I guess you need to decide if you trust him or not. Look at it this way: at least he isn't stealing your money and please don't get pregnant by him if you have doubts(dont want ya to end up like my dummy self)

yeah he keeps talking about moving into my apartment, and he is slowly leaving more and more things at my place and talking about kids and stuff but now its like whenever he goes to take a shower he takes his phone if he walks in the kitchen to get a drink he takes his phone, to go to the bathroom he takes it, if he forgets it and he is just going to the kitchen to get a drink he will run back and get his phone then go back in the kitchen and get his drink....im tired of letting all these stupid guys treat me like this, but i hate being alone, i cant really blame anyone other then myself because i am the one letting them treat me like this

Girl. LEt me tell ya...Lose the loser. I mean that in the nicest way possible but look at me...I married a guy who turned out to be a nightmare...He stole a ton of money from me, to the point where I had to take PDL's out to get by, now I have a negative checking account, and to top it off I am about to have his child any day now and have no way of supporting myself while on my unpaid maternity leave..DO YOU WANT THAT TO BE YOU? Trust me, I love my son and wouldn't change him for the world but its not the ideal situation. Its stressful and I spend most of my nights crying over it. You don't need. If he is that paranoind about leaving his phone lie around for even a minute, then he is probably up to no good. You need to discuss this with him.

im tired of men. im to the point where i dont even care anymore. im just going to focus on work and paying my stupid bills. i dont like being alone but whetever single life here i come

Honey...best time of my life was the year and half I lived on my own all alone with no one but the dogs and cats....I would give anything to have it back(but I would not give up my son)

yeah, guess it just sucks when ya basically have no one. i dont really ave that many friends. and i mea its not like im some weird looking thing that people are afraid to talk to lol i am a pretty decent looking girl its just a lot of people are shady and i dont let them in my life so therefore i have no one in my life...ahhh what a wonderful world :-)

You will be surprised once you are on your own what you find you enjoy...I found out some very interesting things about myself and that I enjoy things that I never thought I would. YOU learn to entertain yourself..Its not so bad.

Ladies, Ladies, men are not smart creatures! :D

very true! i dont know why men think we will never find out about things and we always do find out about it, ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

My x husband didnt think I would find out about the woman he was chatting to online/and calling the house at all hours of the night but guess what? Tweety did find out! :twisted: divorce can be such a blessing!

men just dont think, period.

:shock: :shock: Well I was gonna add my two cents until manhaters r us bloomed!SEEEYAA!

You can't see all men with the same eyes. There's a role played by man, be it father, brother, husband or son. If each of them is shown with a problem, no relationship will ever work. If you are thinking that men don't understand at all, it was your bad choice in having that relationship. You can????????t clap with one hand. Just my two cents.

I fully agree. Not all men are like that, just the ones I get...hahah...so shame on me. And yeah there are good guys out there...just where is my problem...

My husband and I have been married for 14 years and now he is going into chatrooms after I go to bed at night and now our email box is flooded with girls wanting him to come and chat with him. He says he never signed up for any of it. I asked him then why all the emails and how did they know him by name and his username? Needless to say, he is not happy right now.

hmm reminds me of someone i know. did he think you would nt check your emails????? "sigh" "men"....

Well I chat with three or four on the board here myself.The big difference is I am a married man smart enough to tell his wife what he is doing and why! These ladies I consider friends and it keeps my sanity when I am away from home weeks at a time on the oil rigs.

Now if only ALL the men could be like that.....

Why couldn't we all be married to someone like the cajun? :P However there is a difference in talking to people like cajun talks and talking to people like, "hey wanna get together...." etc. My husband does email with a few ladies from his work and he makes sure I know who they are and what they are talking about. I also tell my husband who I talk to on here and what we talk about that way I never have anything to hide. I have had problems in my marriage before with my husband having a relationship outside of our marriage so I know what you guys are going through and I am truly sorry.

:shock: :shock: Sassy's here! Holy S***! Glad to see you girl.

yeah i should be used to this cause for some reason i am stupid and always stay with the guy. i have been cheated on 3 times. not sure whats wrong with me whatever, getting to the point where i dont really care anymore

Just making a cameo appearance cajun...good to see you too. :)

Brittanie, you are so much better than this. I read through your posts and you are a sweet girl. This guy is playing you like a fiddle and he keeps doing it and you let him. Kick him to the curb like Leah said before it is too late. I can tell you also from experience, this guy is up to no good. What really tipped me off was the cell phone thing. If he is afraid to leave his cell phone unattended for 30 seconds, he's playing you. You are strong and you can make it through this. PM me if you want to talk.

i wish i knew how to let myself not be played like i always am....i dont know why i always letmyself get into situations like this....

My hubby thinks he is gods gift to all women and let me tell ya, HE IS NOT!!! There are alot of women that wouldn't put up with half the shit he does. Personally I think he has it pretty easy. But if he chooses to find someone else through chatrooms, etc. He needs to remember that he has to support 4 kids! I guarantee I will take him to the cleaners and bankrupt him!!!!

Brittanie, I'm so sorry. I think that being hurt is how we grow..It shows us the type of relationship we ultimately want. All of us have been in your situation..And I remember too well how it hurts. But you know what? You will move on. You will meet "mr. right". Or at least "mr. right for you"

Also..I am not into man-bashing. Personally, I prefer men over women. My closest friends still are men. My dad was a terrific man, my brothers are great, and my husband is the love of my life. Don't group them into one category, because there are more good men than bad. You just have to think like they do. Truthfully, men are a helluva lot nicer than women.

finallydebtfree, I am sorry that your husband is doing this to you. Do you have solid proof? Or are the emails just junk mail? I guess that would be the next thing to find out.

Brittanie...the only way to stop the cycle is for you to stop it. Only YOU can know when you have had enough. That is something my best friend told me a long time ago. I was with a guy for 2 years when I was in my early 20's. He only had a job for like a week the whole time we were together and was cheating on me the whole time. The signs were all there, I just chose to ignore them. Back then it was harder to find out though because we had no cell phones, internet, etc. (it was in the early 90's.) I worked 50+ hours a week supporting him and he did nothing but steal my money all the time for drugs and alcohol. He would go out and not come home for 2-3 days at a time in MY car that I was paying for. I was not strong enough to leave him. He stole like $5000 worth of stuff from my parents and that still wasnt enough to get me to leave him. I would have married him if he would have asked me. I actually caught him cheating several times but let him convince me it was my fault. He finally left me, very broke and ruined my car so I had no transportation either. It took me a long time to get over that relationship but I learned so much from it. Unfortunately the one thing I took from it was to never trust anyone again and for that reason I have a hard time letting people get close to me. Please do not do that to yourself. Get out now. There is the right person out there but not this guy.

My hubby became very defensive when I questioned him about the email and asked why I was reading emails on our account. I told him I have a right to read the emails too. The site is flirt dot com. If he wasn't looking why would the girls have his user name and know certain things about him that I only thought I knew? He has cheated on me once when we were first married and he denied it til I came home from work with solid proof. I worked with the woman mom and she was telling about the guy who was taking her home after work which was 2nd shift about how nice and caring he was and how he really cared for her daughter. After I asked a few questions, it hit me it was my hubby. Let me tell you, I was ready to kill both of them. To me, marriage vows are sacraed and are never to be broken. I gave him a second chance and here we are 14 years later and he is scanning the chatrooms.

OMG. I am sorry. It sounds like he is up to no good as well. Damn right you have the right to read the emails too. I think that it is time to confront him with the hard evidence and decide what you want to do about this marriage. You don't deserve this and he has no business on a web site like that.

Well, I'll have to admit, women indeed always find out everything. As to brittanie, better to find out now than later about any goings on.

Brittanee, I think every woman has went through the stage you are going through now. I went through it and for a while I thought I wasn't going to never get another man because of my two small sons at the time. Me and their dad had broken up when they were 11 months and 1 1/2 years old. They are 7 and 8 now just this past December me and their dad got back together. During that time apart I became stronger and start make personal accomplishments that I thought I couldn't do because I was so crazy about being with their dad. I completed my AS degree in October 2006 in Criminal Justice. Finally got the job I wanted with the county's school board. During that time I didn't want for anything. I dated but during that time I learned not to settle for less. I learned that I am worth more than a one night stand and can do bad by myself. I have had a car brought for me and my sons to get around. I have been taken on little getaways. Taken out on a night around town treated as if I was a celebrity. And I brought it to a halt when my ex thought he could hit me and get away with it. So after a few months of us being broken up me and my sons father started back dating but nothing serious until December. I've learned now to talk more for what I want out of a relationship and money is the thing I talk up for now. I am not a golddigger but I figure if you are using my lights, water, a/c or whatever else that is considered a bill then the man needs to contribute to it if you are seeing me. He can make the money order out to the utility company himself but he has to do some contributing. I just took that time as time to learn more about me and other things in life. Someone will notice you and recognize the type of person you are. I have broken two men's heart when I cut them off. But we are still cool. Its just certain things I learned that I didn't have to put up with. They still tell me today that they should have listened to me and I was right. Right now it hurts but time heals all wounds. Don't give up on all men yet. Things will get better. Take this time to get stronger and better yourself.

well he is coming over to spend the weekend with me and i think thats when we will talk about it all...so who knows whats going to happen.

Brittanie~ Sorry to hear about your situation. It is really rough when something like that happens and it really breaks the trust. From what I am reading, you don't trust him now. I too have been there...my ex cheated on me more than one time and unfortunatly for me,I didn't see it for a long time. Now I have nothing against men and women being friends. I have a lot of male friends and I work in an office where I am the only female and I have the guys in my office all the time talking and cutting up. Some are even very flirtatious, but they all know I am married and would not cheat on my husband. My husband has several female friends also. Now it did take me a long time to trust the fact that they could be friends, considering what I went through, but I did. I have been married 8 years as of the 15th of this month and next month we will be together 10 years. Even though me and my husband have our spats, I would not trade him for anything in the world. We talk about everthing and he is aware of what goes on here with the guys as I am aware of what goes on at his jobs with the females he works with.

To me, this guy is being very sneaky. Before he moves in, I would look deep in my heart and do some serious thinking about if this is someone you want to share you life with and if you can truly trust him. If not, then it would not be a wise decision to move in together. I will not tell you what to do as far as dumping him, for that is something you need to decide for yourself, but really look at what is going on and go from there.

As far as the good guys, sometimes we have to quit trying to really find them and let them find us. When you least expect it, one will come along. Sometimes we try too hard because of not wanting to be alone and wanting someone in our lives, but being alone isn't all that bad. It is all how you look at things. Keep a positive attitude, look at how you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you can go home to a nice quiet place and not deal with a bunch of drama, you can do things your way, etc. When the right one comes along, it will be a great feeling!

i am so confused on what to do. i can truly say he is the one guy i can just tell anything to. i am so incredibly comfortable with him. i thought things were great until i looked through his phone. i dont even know what caused me to do that. but other then the whole phone thing things are really good with us. he treats me pretty good helps me out with things i mean yeah we do have our little arguments here and there but who doesnt...ugh i am just so confused....there is something there that is causing me to not fully trust him and i wish i knew what it was

Talk with him as you said you were going to do and see what developes. Trust is a very big issue in a relationship. When you have doubts sitting in the back of your mind, it can really cause some problems. I still think I would hold off on the moving in thing until you get this resolved. This is just my opinion. But to be honest, hun, only you can decide what is best for you. We all can offer all the advice in the world, but it comes down to what you feel and what you think. You have to decide how important certain things are to you and how you truly feel. It does get confusing and it is hard to know what to do. Unfortunatly relationships are not bed of roses, there are a lot of thorns there and some hurt more than others. But personally, I think you should take some time and really sort everything out before you make a big step like moving in together.

oh yes i agree. he will not be moving in until we get this all worked out and until i can 100% trust him. i do not want a relationship based on lies. and he already has lied to me about text messaging these girls. he just doesnt know that i know he is lying.

I wish you all the best with this. Know that if it is meant to be, it will be but if it isn't, even though it may hurt, know it is for the best. Always a shoulder or an ear here if you need it.

Karen

thank you i really appreciate it

Not all men are pigs! but, I have yet to find 2 that are honest with me........instead they just play games! Input fellas! :P

amen tweety!!!!!!

:x :x I will say again ladies not all men are bad!!I have been with my lady for going on twelve years and we celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary in October.Granted I kicked one to the curb before I met the right one,but I wouldn't trade her for anything.

i agree not men are all bad.

Not all men are bad.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and mention that sometimes we women screw ourselves over on this one thing.

I've been married and divorced twice. I made poor choices both times, and I knew it. Before I got too far into the relationship, I found myself thinking, "do I really want to stay with him?", or, "wow, what he just did really makes me wonder where this relationship is going!". I knew I was in unhealthy relationships, but felt committed to see it through, either because we had a child together, or were married, or both.

After going through all that, and I have to admit for a while, I blamed THEM - the men - for the relationship's failure. It was THEIR fault, THEY were the ones with the problem, etc. In the past year, I've come to take a good look at myself in the mirror, and realize that many of the problems were my own. I purposely chose men with strong rebellious streaks - the "bad boy" image - or with major issues in their past that they had "recovered" from. By doing so, I set my relationship up for failure.

I don't say that men with past issues, can't be a good mate, husband, partner, father...but it does make it a challenge for them, as they have more to overcome than those who had better childhoods, parents, and family life growing up.

Those who have had abuse, alcoholism, abandonment, etc. in their past will always have to deal with that. (That last statement includes women!) And when you put two people together who BOTH have unresolved issues from their past, you can almost guarantee failure.

Sometimes you have to take a very close look at the relationship you're about to dive into. Talk about where the relationship is going, and what you expect of each other and the relationship itself. Do you see yourself together in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Make sure you're both very clear on how you feel about the other's family, friends, any relationship they have with any ex-spouse(s) they may have, children, etc.

Doing so is only fair - to both of you.

I could not agree with you mroe. I dont blame it all on the men. I know that some past relationships I have been in and have gone bad are actually a lot to do with me. I actually just talked with my boyfriend. he showed me his phone and told me that he was talking to them but just as friends and i read through some of the text messages and in there he is telling them all about me. s o ifeel so much better right now. i could nto wait till this weekend. he actually thanked me for coming to him about it and i asked him why he always takes his phone with him and why he is afraid to leave it where i am. he said it is just habit and he said he will stop doing that cause he has nothing to hide he then said he has to ask me something and i of course thought it was going to be bad and i said hold on while i walked in the kitchen to get a drink then when i turned around he was there on one knee and asked me to marry him....

Is this first time this has happen between you and him?
I have checked my ex cell phone and I am glad I did because before got to deep into our relationship that lasted a year we had to get things out in the open. I called the girl back that left a little more than friends type voicemail and talked to her. I told her that I needed to know because I didn't want to waste my time getting serious if he and her had something going on. She told me some things that I knew were the truth and some things that I knew were lies. But it all came down to it that we stayed together and he cut her off. This is the time now that you put your foot down before he moves in. Its a new ball game once a man moves in with you and rules need to be established. For instance I couldn't deal with his fast life so we compromised that Friday nights were his hanging out times with his homeboys and the same for me with my girls and then Saturday nights were for me and him. Sundays were for the family his kids and mine.Weekdays were just as long as he was in by midnight and if he couldn't make it be sure to call me and let me know he was alright. To be my age I am very old fashion or as he and others tell me I act like an old person. If you feel that its worth working on then go for it but become a little aggressive and tell him how you feel and what you want out of yalls relationship. Good Luck.

Why do women always have to bash men!?!

Maybe I'm just lucky.

Well I am 50 yrs. old and I have certainly been around the block more than once.....dump him!! It will happen eventually anyway. If you have to doubt ....then something is not right. True love leaves no room for doubt. I am so sorry you are going through this. I do know from experience how much it hurts and how crazy it can make you.