some men just suck

Leah,
I am so sorry to hear about this. Could he possibly be doing drugs again? I sincerely hope not, but that would explain the behaviors, yes? And if so, is there any way at all that he could get into a rehab program?
Hang in there and keep us posted.

Leah- I am sorry to hear this. This sounds pretty typical for someone in the throes of addiction-taking money, wanting no responsibility, etc.Unless, and until he wants help, there isn't much that you can do about his addiction. There are support groups for family members dealing with loved ones addiction-it may help give you support.

I do have to say, that being a counselor, it's not just men who have this behavoir-addiction knows no gender, age or race!

Hang in there, we are here to support you!..Hug the baby..KAren :D

Leah...you need support for yourself and your child. I know you can pick your life up and continue on. Sounds like you have done more than enough to help this man you need to consentrate on your own life. You sound like a strong person....but it is hard to pick up the pieces...I know. My sister almost married a con man in November..he dumped her at the 11th hour. He took everything from her and she had a daughter to support. Long story short she is now living with our Aunt. I wished I could give her monetary support but I can't however I do call her and let her talk..and be there to listen. We're here to support you..take care.

I'm sorry to hear this..You are in my prayers. A person with an addiction like that sometimes can't help what they do. I hope that he can get the help he needs to be a good husband and father. Please hang in there, and do what is best for you and your son.

Leah I had thought you had dumped that poor excuse of a man ages ago. Honey I as a man am sorry for what he put you through and think it is high time to put him out like a bad dog.

Sounds like chemically-enhanced behavior to me. All the classic signs; lack of responsibility, theft, not grounded in reality... I've seen it before, and it ain't pretty. And Karen has a point, it ain't just us guys, although I can understand why you're feeling the way you are about it.

Here's the long and short of it: There may not be much I can do to help you here, other than talk. But what help I can offer is yours for the asking. Day or night.

I agree with Cajun, you do need to dump him and get on with your life and build a new one without him. You will be happier in the end.

You can only help someone when they want to help themselves and it sounds to be at this point all he is concerned about is himself.

I think that he has put you through alot and now he is doing it to your son. Don't let this man destroy your life with his dependency problems.

ladybug

LEAH I'M REALLY YOUR GREAT FAN AND I KNOW YOU ARE A VERY STRONGER GIRL AND A FANTASTIC MOTHER EITHER.
IT IS BETTER THIS MAN DO NOT BE AROUND YOUR BABY WHEN HE IS GROWING UP.
I WAS VERY LUCK WHEN MY DAUGHTER'S FATHER VANISHED.
HE WAS A BAD INFLUENCE AND HE WAS A BAD LUCK EITHER.
I'M SO PROUD OF MY DAUGHTER ALWAYS.
DONT FORGET YOU ARE A QUEEN AND YOUR SON ALWAYS BE A PRINCE.
GOD BLESSES YOU AND YOUR SON LEAH.

:lol: LEAH THIS GUEST WAS ME.
I LOVE YOU FRIEND AND I ADMIRE YOU VERY MUCH ALWAYS.
I PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR SON ALWAYS.

Leah,
I know you don't know me and I probably have no right to offer you advice, but I just feel such a compassion for your situation and I can totally relate to the pain you must be feeling. The world is full of selfish people who put themselves before others. It's sad that some spouses continually feed their addictions first and the people who love them and need them come last. Keep in mind that it is a sick person who would put their own needs before a 7 month old baby. He is sick and until he admits it,surrenders it and gets help, he likely will not change. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can change him. I speak from experience. I'm married to one of those men. Because of my health situation,you might say we are stuck with each other and in 16 years, try as I may, I couldn't change him. And try as he may, he has not been successful in changing himself yet. He's got some great qualities, but he too struggles with an addiction and may never change. He can be very charming and funny, often times flirty. He has a great heart at times, but he has a selfish streak that leads him into inappropriate situations with other women regardless of how it effects his wife and children. I have basically given up the hope that I will ever come first in his life, or even second or third. Lea, you are young-don't give your life to hoping he will change. Take care of you and your baby boy.

Leah, I am so sorry. I know your heart is breaking. I can't comprehend why some people do the things they do either. They have their own way of thinking. You sacrificed so much for him and this is his way of repaying you? You deserve much better. And it is amazing how some people can just leave their little babies behind. I am so sorry. You can do this, Leah. I know you're hurt and confused. You can move on and look back and see how far you've come soon. If you need to vent, please do. You know we are all here for you. I will be thinking of you. And, again, I am so sorry he did this to you.

Thanks for all the advice. I thought our second chance was going to work but apparently i was just fooling myself. I have never hurt so much in my wholel ife

We'll be here for ya, babe.

Leah...the best thing to do is move on and don't look back. You tried and it didn't work. Don't blame yourself...the best revenge is living a good life. And you can do it!!! I left when my two were 8 and 4...they are now 27 and 23 and the strongest, kindest, intelligent most caring adults you will ever meet. That is where I hold my joy! The pain will fade and you can and will move on with your own life...good luck girl! Anytime you need to vent ...we are here...

Leah I don't know you at all ....

but my heart goes out to you
my oldest son has a father who was addicted to meth in the 80's( and still is to this day)..I thought he was the love of my life..my destiny.. I gave him all the chances in the world

they lie deny and always try to make you believe that all the problems they have are your fault and you are the reason they are always f-ing up they take advantage of nice decent people Leah ...because they can!!!

I lived in that world more than 20 yrs ago and it cost me lots of money and many many years of self doubt before I stopped telling myself it was my fault that the drug addict had nothing to do with his child

life does go on..I also years later gave this person a second chance when he swore he had learned his lesson and I was the only person who mattered in his life and he wanted to spend the rest of his life to make it all up to me and his son ..he fu@#ed me over even worse the second time around..(users are experts at using people) did you ever go through this deal of accusing him of using again and he was all "No beeotch you are f-ing crazy!!!"???? Please don't be hurting because you think you failed..his addiction is the problem not you Leah!

my family hates what I let him do to me because I deserved so much better..and they thank God every day that I finally admitted it wasn't my fault and moved on..let go.. and opened my heart ..and found a wonderful man that I know now I was destined to be with....

please Leah don't let this person drag you down any further...if he straightens his ass up.. a relationship with your child would benefit your child in the long run..but as a caution...don't let him use this as a tool to keep giving him more chances..

I remember during the 90's I wrote a poem /song or whatever I called it ... first words were something like this...
" Well my Mr. methamphetamine man always disappears then comes back when he can see reality..for a minute or two.. then he tells me he loves me above it all..but like London Bridges we always fall..because CRANK is the true foundation on which he lives"( I can't remember exact words but something like that)..
Okay.. goes on and on..but I don't care what the addiction is Leah..please!!!don't blame yourself!!!It is not your fault...I have been there done that and I am so thankful that years ago I finally started believing in myself enough again to allow me to pick up the pieces and move on. I have found happiness and I know you will!!!!

he hasn't even called in 5 days. i doubr i will ever see him again..i dont know if he is back on drugs or if another woman is involved

Leah are you putting your life on hold waiting for him to call? If he hasn't called in 5 days...don't keep waiting and blaming yourself and wondering why you weren't good enough..please....your life is more valuable than that!!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!!!! BE STRONG!!!! and move on...I never listened to anyone's advice..everyone kept telling me I was getting screwed and being stupid..please don't blame yourself Leah ever again...that is all that I hope my post will convey to you!..

Hang in there Leah!! Once you walk through and get to the other side of pain--you have become much stronger!

You have enough to worry about taking care of yourself and the baby!!..Karen :D

I filed a missing person report on him. stupid i know but i havent heard from in 5 days and i feel that as his wife i deserve to know where he is and who he is with

It's not stupid if it will make you feel better. I learned from experience that some of the things I wanted to know-wish I hadn't found out :lol: hang in there!!

Did he say he was leaving or did he just vanish. Have you checked the public records to see if he may have been picked up on a drug charge? I agree with Cajun, you are too good to waste your life on this guy. Make sure he is OK and then give him an ultimatum and stick to it. Like Wolf said, the signs are claasic of substance abuse.

Leah, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Please keep your chin up, and just take care of yourself and your little one. Those are the most important things you can do right now.

LEAH I HOPE SOME TERMITES EAT ALL HIS CLOTHS.
I LIVED SOME YEARS WITH A FATHER OF MY DAUGHTER
IN BRAZIL.HE WAS FROM MY COUNTRY A BRAZILIAN MAN.
THESE WAS THE WORST DAYS FOR MY DAUGHTER AND ME.
HE WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS EITHER AND HE TRY ALWAYS TO ATTACK MY LITTLE DAUGHTER BUT I PROTECTED HER WITH MY BODY ALWAYS.
HE DESTROYED(TEAR) ALL MY CLOTHS AND BEAT ME ALWAYS.I STAYED IN HOME DAYS TO CURE THE BEATS ON ME.I WAS A VERY PRETTY LADY AND FULL OF LOVE BUT
HE HAVE OTHER WOMAN EITHER.
ONE DAY THE TERMITES BEGIN TO EAT ALL HIS CLOTHES
AND WAS STRANGER BECAUSE THE TERMITES ONLY EAT HIS CLOTHES!!!THE TERMITES NEVER DESTROY MY DAUGHTER'S CLOTHES OR MY CLOTHES.I WAS SCREAMED THEY DONT EAT
OUR CLOTHES ONLY YOUR CLOTHES!!!IT WAS A VERY FUNNY DAY.
I WENT TO LIVE WITH MY DAUGHTER IN MY PARENTS HOUSE
IN 1975 AND IN 1983 I MARRIED MY ACTUAL HUSBAND THAT BECAME BLIND AND MENTALLY ILL THAT IS A VERY SICK MAN BUT HE IS A VERY GOOD MAN AND MY DAUGHTER HAVE
MY HUSBAND'S NAME EITHER.
MY DAUGHTER MET HER FATHER AFTER 25 YEARS LATER
AND SHE SAY ALWAYS I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HER FATHER
AND SHE CALL MY HUSBAND HER FATHER.

ABOUT THE TERMITES WAS VERY FUNNY TO SEE THE TERMITES OF GOD EATING ALL HIS CLOTHES.
MY DAUGHTER CLOTHES STAY INTACT AND I HAVE VERY FEEL PIECES OF CLOTHES THAT THE TERMITES DID NOT TOUCHED.
I REMEMBER I DIDNT TOOK CARE OF HIS CLOTHES AND HE HAD SO MANY CLOTHES WITH TERMITES.

He called today and I asked him to come home and he said he wasn't coming home. His friend saw him today and he apparently hasn't showered in 6 days. So I guess I have no choice but to get over it and move on with my life.

Well at least you know ...and won't worry yourself sick over him being missing. Definitely sounds like the addiction thing again. Leah...I'm sure you have feelings but stp and think about the baby. Doesn't he deserve a better life than a father who walks out??..If we can do anything to help please let us know.

Well at least you know that he is alive. You are better off without him in your life. Like everyone has said you are deserve much more than what he is giving you. Good luck and keep us posted.

I know it is hard but time heals all wounds.

ladybug

Oh Leah...I am so sorry for all of your troubles, but I know you are stronger than you realize and will come out stronger and more empowered. Look to your friends...the real and the virtual :D

Take care...keep your chin up.

Leah, you have the whole life in front of you and your baby is a wonderful gift to you. Just don't give any chance to your husband if he tries to come back to your life again. You know, he really doesn't deserve to be with you. He is taking advantage of your soft side. And if he comes back, just make sure that he isn't there to get something for you and being selfish. You can't be left in tears all the time.

I hate to see such people having no emotions and getting what they want!

Leah girl I am so sorry you have to go through this. You need to stay strong for your little guy. I know it's hard, I have been there myself. Well my hubby wasn't an addict, he was just stupid and needed to grow up. Even though he treated you bad you still feel bad for him not being there, and you hurt and are asking what you did wrong to make him leave. This is almost the same process that you have to go through when you lose a loved one. You need to greive, I know it sounds stupid, but it's true. You have to go through the steps before you can move forward, and what makes it harder for you is that you have a child. You are a strong person and you deserve so much more. So you need to go through your steps and look forward and try not to look back. This is hard, but once the process is over you will be much happier. I have a friend that stayed with a guy who was very abusive to her, and she was with him for YEARS. The only reason why she stayed with him was because she was scared to be alone and thought this was the only guy that would want to be with her. Even though he called her a loser everyday. She finally said enough and has been on her own for 4 years now and she tells me that she couldn't be happier. Last year she bought her first house and she got a puppy. She is now starting to trust guys again and is starting to date again. She is with a really great guy now and he treats her like she is the queen. So I know right now you are scared and feel alone, but with all of us here we can help you get through the steps and just keep on looking forward. Just like with your payday loans, you will see the light again, it will just take some time.

Sorry to rambel on, I just wanted to show you that everybody here loves and cares for you (probably more than your hubby did) and like stated earlier, time heals all wounds. Take care Leah and feel free to e-mail me anytime. You will be in my thoughts and prayers :rose:

Danielle

Leah,as your title suggests some wanna be men suck!File for your child support and put him out of your life.

why does it have to hurt so badly?

Because were human Leah...and being the kind of people we are, it's hard to believe that someone you love would turn on you this way. The other side is..he is ill. You can feel sorry for him and all that he will miss losing his son and your love....believe me the pain goes away. It does...and you will be happy again...and you will love again. You need to grieve and then move on..honestly if you keep going back and trying to make it work you will only be hurting yourself and your child. He can't/won't get better until he is ready and there is nothing you can do or say that will change that.

Just keep telling yourself, in regards to your pain,like all else this too shall pass. Time will heal! Just don't allow the wound to be reopened by him. Like Mike said you have your whole life in front of you. Take care of that precious gift. That is what will help you heal.

It hurts so bad because you love him and had hopes for a different future.

As others said, be carefull of his empty promises. As a Substance Abuse counselor- they make promises they can't keep, or that will get them back in the house--and start all over again. The only thing you can do now is to help yourself and your baby--his part is up to him.

Grieve-take care of yourself and your baby, and see what you can do to get help financially since he left you. We are here to help and support you and there are also support groups where others have gone through the same thing as you.

Take CAre :hug: karen

Leah ~ You need to look out for yourself and your little one. I know it is hard right now, but trust me, over time it will get easier and easier. You are wanting him there, but he really isn't there. He is too absorbed in his own world and cannot see past that. You need to take a hard look and really see him for what he is. Whether drugs, alcohol or whatever, it could be a dangerous situation for you and for that little one. Don't put yourself back in that situation. I understand that in a way it is a comfort zone, but please, please do not take him back. Don't take the chance with something bad happening. Think about it, would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you took him back and he ended up hurting the little one? Or what if he did something to you? As time went by, would you want to subject you child to this? Look out the the most important people, you and your child! Please...

I am here for support anytime you need it.

(((hugs)))
Karen

Leah give me a shout if you need someone to talk to and that man will not be reasonable until his addictions are under control. Being married once before I know love hurts when it goes wrong,but you must consider your kid in your decision making now.

[quote=tsacgiv]...I WAS A VERY PRETTY LADY AND FULL OF LOVE...[/quote]


Now wait just a damn minute here!!!

I've seen your HoF picture, and I've talked [messaged] back and forth with you. You're still a very pretty lady and full of love. I'm proud to have you for a friend.

[quote=Leah]He called today and I asked him to come home and he said he wasn't coming home. His friend saw him today and he apparently hasn't showered in 6 days. So I guess I have no choice but to get over it and move on with my life.[/quote]

I feel for ya. I never used crank myself, but I saw what it did to some club brothers. These were people I'd known for years. Grown up with, in some cases. Believe me, you're better off without that bum. I know it hurts. But pain really does make us stronger.

Leah my # 1 wish for you and I am sure here all here wish the same...

is that you will get through this in a timely manner..and that the hurt will be a little less each and every day..

that little baby will get you through this Leah..you will be strong for your child and everything else will eventually fall into place!

You have so much support here in this wonderful community! Take care

Leah, I know it hurts right now and it will for a while, but it will get better. Hang in there and have faith that God will get you through this. I firmly believe there is a reason for everything that happens. Sometimes we have to go through some bad times before we can get to the good times. My ex was abusive, both physically and verbally...although he was more verbal than physical. He cheated all the time and was only concerned with himself. I tried so hard to save my marriage but couldn't. In hind sight, I am so much better off without him, as are my kids. I found out that I really wasn't in love with him like I thought I was and did not deserve to be treated the way he treated me. I learned that I did not have to be someone's doormat and to be honest, my kids are better off out of that stressful situation. They have grown up happy and loved. Not that everything is perfect, life never is, but it is 100 times better than it was. You and your little one deserve better that what you had. Stay strong and know that you have all of us to lean on. Trust me on that, I know...I have gotten a lot of support with my feelings with my son getting ready to leave for basic. My prayers are with you.

He was here for a while yesterday and said he was going to try to work things out but we needed to be apart for a while but now he wont return my call

The problem with working things out is--he hasn't changed-so it will be the same.

I agree-I think you ought to be apart for a while-to see if he's ready to change and become responsible.

Anyone with an addiction will tell you they have changed, won't do it again, etc., but their actions, in time, will tell the truth..Hang in there--concentrate on you and the baby for now!!..karen :D

I dont even know that drugs are involved

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I read somewhere where you said something about drugs or alcohol

he used to have a problem but i dont know now his finger tips are all orangish

The thing is, if he used to have a problem and didn't get into recovery--the behavoir remains the same, and relapse is a pretty sure thing.

You can't change what he has done or may be doing, but you can change what you will do now, and in the future. Once again, I hope you get into a support program for yourself--it will really help you!..karen--sorry, the counselor in me jumps out sometimes :lol:

its ok i appreciate the advice

Leah ~ this is one time I think you need to listen to your head instead of your heart. To be honest, I don't think he wants to really change and feel like he is leading you on and he knows this. He is ruling your life and what you do and you need to take control of your life. I have learned, for the most part, that a leapord does not change his spots and honey, I really feel like this is the case for you. We all know that ultimiatly this is going to be your decision, but please think very long and hard about your decision. None of us would like to see/hear of anything happening to you or that baby.

leah

I too always made excuses hoping for the best..everyone said I was in denial ..and it later proved to be true..

orange fingertips.. hasn't showered in days..etc...I think you Know the answer Leah....

I wish you and your baby the best that life has to offer..please leave this loser behind..and stop making excuses for his behavior..his faults are not your fault..we here know this and are hoping you realize this sooner than later!
HUGS!!!!!!!HUGS!!!!!!