some men just suck

So Sorry to hear of your troubles.My sister has a son who can not seem to get his l;ife together for the drugs.Not sure what kind. He has a 6 year old son.He spent a while in jail and just recently lost all progress over drugs again.He worries my sister to death.My advice is to get over him now. Don't be taken down wih him.You will get over him.

I just wish it didnt hurt so badly

Leah ~ it only hurts for a little while. If you continue the hurt could be a lot worse. Take it from someone who knows! You cannot continue to live this way. A little hurt now is better than a whole lot of hurt later on. Leah, you really need to be strong.

OK, now I am going to be firm and please don't get mad, but I think it is time for some tough love!!!

Leah, open those eyes and see what is really going on. Quit being in the whooo is me, I can't do it without him state of mind! You CAN make it with out him, heck for the most part you have already! It is time to take that screen of your eyes and see him for what he really is. He has you right where he wants you. He comes around with all this BS to get you to give him another change and then turns around and pretty much says screw you and does what he wants to do with no mind to you or that baby! You cannot continue like this. It is time to get a backbone and get the hell away from him. He isn't going to do anything but bring you down. It appears he isn't going to change, doesn't want to change, and has not plans to change. There are 2 people here that should be the most important people to you right now and that is YOU and YOUR BABY! Now if you son isn't reason enough to get the hell out of Dodge, I don't know what is. How would you feel if he did something and hurt that baby while he was either on drugs or drunk? What do you think would happen to your son if he "accidently" hurt you? How would you feel if someone saw how he was and turned you all into social services and you lost your son because of him? It it worth taking a chance of this happening? Girl, it is time to stand up, face the truth, and move on.

Know I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings in any way, but dang it, have to make you see the facts here. WE ALL care about you and what happens to you. None of us want to see any of these things happen but only you can prevent it. Many of us have had bad marriages but we managed to move on. I mentioned before I was both physically and verbally abused by my ex and he cheated on me I believe even before we actually said I DO. Heck, I even knew a couple of his girlfriends. I even had AIDS tests for the longest time afterward.

I am going into mommy mode right now and I am not going to plead or beg you to get out of this, I AM GOING TO TELL YOU IT IS TIME TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!!! FOR YOURSELF AND FOR YOU SON!!!

You know I care! I hope that I have not made you hate me, but sometimes we have to really face the truth and the facts and sometimes they hurt. Anytime you need me, I will be there to listen and offer advice and help where ever I can.

(((hugs))) to both you and the little one!

:rose:

I am not mad. I just wish he would come home. Instead he would rather hang out with his friends rather than be at home with me and my son and it hurts so bad. I wish I could just make him do what I want him to dobecause being there isnt going to help him find himself anymore than being here

But you can't. He isn't going to do what you want him to do. You can see where his priorities are and they are not you or your son. Now you need to get your priorities staight and that is you and your son! The hell with him. I know, easier said then done, but you need to let him go. Look, this is what I tell my kids, if something is ment to be, it will be but you cannot force it to be. Leah, he has got you where he wants you, at the bottom as a door mat to use and abuse (per say) as he wants and you are letting him. Take control of things and quit letting him do this to you. Hell yes, it is going to hurt, but only for a little while. You are going to think that you will never get over it, but you will. You can't make him change, no matter how hard you try or want to. He isn't going to change for you or anyone else. When and if he is every ready, then he will change for himself, but you have to face facts that he may NEVER change. Come on girl...buck up!! You have got a support line here and hey, if you need to go to counseling for yourself, go! If need be, move in with your folks, Let them help you through this too! Come on Leah, quit feeling sorry for him. Let's go and get that backbone. I am on a roll here and I won't let up on you. You cannot stay in this type of relationship. It is totally unhealthy.

See, I am upset over my son leaving in a week and look, you get to get some motherly advice and tough love! LOL

You need to take that first step and then every step there after will get a little easier. Told you, been there done that. I am a survivor and you can do it too.

Also you helped me some now lets help you.

I am trying to get it together and dont get me wrong, I am taking care of my son its just hard to do because everytime I look at him I know its my fault he left

Hey Leah. I follow your post because I am going through something similar AGAIN. My friends are all telling me the same thing yours here are telling you. I know it's not easy to think about being without the one you love, but even when you're together is he really "with you"? My husband has a wandering eye and began cheating on me about 10 years ago. He hasn't stopped since. I felt like you did. Stayed because it hurt too much not too. I let him get away with it and took him back-no "begged him back" everytime. He's

Now he's done it again. My husband used to post here. I caught him in an affair of sorts with another member of this forum...She knew he was married. She's married too.I was very hurt,but it doesn't end there. On Christmas Eve I was gifted with finding 2 more women he'd been secretly text messaging. It hurts just as much the 8th time as it does the first. I'm just saying ,when addictions are involved, tolerance will change nothing. Take a good hard look at me. Trust me,you don't want to do this for the next 10 years. You end up either looking pathetic or bitter and angry cuz you gave too many second chances.

how is this your fault? you did everything you could
to support and help him. focus on your son and you.
your hurting because your human. as everyone is saying it will pass. just BE STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!
we are all here for you.

I think I see whats happening here. You aren't ready to give up hope on him are you?I been reading the posts and see your argument here.I think you have to treat him as a bad addiction your self. He is your addiction. You can't give him up till you are ready.People here may get angry with me for saying this but if you leave someone you aren't ready to give up on ,you always go back and that is almost as bad as never leaving at all.If you leave him and you aren't ready then you always wonder if I didn't give enough ,did you quit to soon? My advice is do what you have to do follow your instincts.Only you will know when you have had enough. I think you were just looking for a sounding board here. I wish you the best of luck till you figure out whats best for you.

Only problem is that this decision doesn't just affect Leah, it affects her baby too. Going off instinct is the same as going off emotion. That baby needs to come first.

It doesnt matter HE LEFT ME so it doesnt matter anymore. I want him to come home but he isnt going to so I give up on it

Leah ~ have you heard the saying "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT IS GONE"? Well this could fall into the same catagory....once he realizes that you are not going to put up with this stuff and move on, maybe it will be a wake up call and he will get it together for the sake of his son. Until he does, make sure that he is not left alone with him for too long, just to be on the safe side. Leah, I know you are a strong person and no matter how badly we want something, we don't always get what we want. I know how hard it is to let someone go. But let me tell you my little secret....instead of praying to let things work out between the 2 of us, I prayed for strength to get through whatever his will was and that I knew HE knew what was best for me and I knew he had a plan and that in HIS own good time it would be revealed. I really believed that and each day I found how calm I was and I managed to get through things and every morning I woke and thanked HIM and every night before I went to sleep, I thanked him for helping through the day. Sure there were some rough days and days I cried a lot, but I knew that God knew what was best for me. The hardest day I had was when I had to sign my separation ageement and when I got my final decree of divorce...well actually that wasn't as bad at the first thing because I had already met the man I was going to marry next, and you know what....I got lucky this time. He puts me and the kids first, I don't have to feel guilty if I buy something for myself. My son has taken his last name....I just had to go through that bad stuff, maybe it was to learn that I didn't have to be a doormat and didn't have to settle for less and that I didn't have to be someone I wasn't, that I could just be me and if no one liked it, tough turkeys! Like I said sometime we have to go through the bad to get to the good.

2ndband I agree with you 100%.Following your advice is the best way to go I think.Could not have said it better myself.

when it rains it pours..got layed off today. Got threatened with physical violence. and had to fight to get my son back from my husband. So guess what? I am out of here...I am leaving Cincinnati Behind and moving on to bigger and better things....

Oh Leah, I'm so sorry to hear that. if getting out of there is what you think you need to do then by all means girl, do what it takes. Please, please keep us posted & let us know where you land. We are all very concerned for your well being! We love you & you are in our thoughts & prayers!!! Lisa

Please keep us posted! We are all so concerned for you! You are in my prayers too!

Oh Leah, I am sorry to hear about what happened. You know that you are in my prayers!! You stay strong and keep your faith. Like I said before, things happen for a reason and maybe it is to get away. I have faith in you and that you will make it. Hang in there and be strong! Love ya girl!!

Karen

Leah..if you were threatened with psysical violence..you are doing the best thing for you and your child by moving on and getting out of there..I wish you the best biggest and better things that life has to offer!!!..
and I myself hope your comment about being "out of here" was referring to leaving your city and self destructive situation you were in....
not about being "out of here" on this site..
whatever it meant I wish you and your baby the best and you WILL find yourself in a better place by getting out of there Leah!!!!

Well it sounds like the recent development was THE straw that broke the perverbial camel's back. Its that one thing that pushed you into a decision. Good luck ,you have friends here, stay in touch and we pray for you and the little one.Nothing turns us into a lion more, than if someone messes with our babies..

The move will do you good Leah, get away from him and any threats..Keep us posted on where you are and how the baby is..Best of luck, you are in my prayers..Karen