Coping With the Process of Getting Out?

Boy Egypt you know how to ask a tough question..I do know that before i found this site, i was in a real depression every month. I dreaded payday because i knew the PDLs were taking everything and i had no money to pay rent or buy food. the real problem was trying to explain to my son that i had no money and that was the day after payday. I finally hit bottom and forced myself to tell my sister what was going on (which was really hard to do) and god bless her she helped me out by loaning me enough money to get me through the month of February as we had absolutely NO FOOD in the house other than canned vegies and cheese. This month was better but i was so overdrawn going into this month that by the time i paid all my bills, i had under $500 to live on for the month. But i have managed and feel so much better now knowing that i do have options and i can control the situation instead of the situation controlling me. i hope this helps...it is going to be stressful. Sometimes, i just want to go ahead and pay them just so i don't have the headache, but then what would i live on the rest of the month? I just keep telling myself that they will get their money, when i have the money to give them and that is that.. Sorry for rambling on...

egypt,your not along,ive been doing pdls for over five years now,stuck in the cycle of this neverending hell,,my PDL,S are all storefronts and over the years you feel that you know all these people untill you default as i have,ive found they have no mercy,one thing for sure,THEY CANNOT KILL YOU,i have went as far to tell them a day i would be there,knowing i couldnt afford to but it would keep them off my back another week or so,i also lose sleep over this and it is making it hard to focus on my job,,i do know if it werent for this website i would be freaking out completely so hang in there and we will both get threw this,,i know this didnt tell you how to deal with it but you are not by yourself,,they are people here that has great advise

egypt....I too, am a personality that wants everything over and done with yesterday so I know how hard it is for you to cope with this, but it does get better. There is just one person who knows that I am in this predicament and even he doesn't know to what extent. I came here in early February and since that time I have managed to close/settle 3 or my 5 loans. I just got my mindset that things would be okay and they would eventually go away. Once I got the advice I needed from the great folks on here, I pretty much set out to accomplish what I came here to do. I stopped worrying daily about them, I started eating better and I slept all night. I still think once and a while what if the last 2 yahoos call my work? But then I just tell myself that I will cross that bridge when I have to. I know that we are all different and handle our lives in a manner which works for us but I couldn't jeopardize my own health worrying about the what if's. Actually knowing that I am not the only one in this boat helped my self esteem tremendously. I smile more, I laugh more and I look forward to getting up each day. Hope this helps. Hang in there. Be tough and we can lean on each other when we need to. Smile. . .

Yes...I just laid down for awhile to try to sleep and this horrible panicky feeling creeps in. I work 12 hr. night shifts and have to be sharp and not stressed. Luckily, once I am at work, it actually helps as I have too much to think about there to fret over these?
My husbands manager, who knows nothing about this told me that they are trying to move him into full time soon. He was hurt in Nov. and had no income for two month's, then went back part time which is not cutting it. He is well enough to work full time now, but we are going on four month's part time now.
This will help a bunch.
My daughter thinks I am a complete idiot and expects me to function normally and not worry over this. She thinks we are all stressed and I have no right to be more so than they are. thankfully she is at college during the week and is away from me during those times.
I have to be strong to get through this, you know?

egypt - i also have a child..just turned 16 and knows more than we i am giving him credit for. I have tried to hide my situation from him, but i know he knows that something is up. My biggest worry is that i am a big disappoint to him.. I have a car that is in sorry shape and he wants to get his license. I can't use our car because i know it won't pass their inspection and that is a major disappointment to him..so we are now forced to borrow a car so he can take his drivers test.

I cannot believe how this trap affects everyone in your family? I get angry because like our whole family including brother in laws and sister in laws knew that my husband was not getting any pay, but they cannot unsderstnad why we have *debt*? Like I am stupid or something for having to borrow? They are not aware where though?
I see no recourse with my son and daughter and husband than to be upfront and have them ride this out with me? It should not all be on me? You know?

Boy Egypt another tough one...In my situation, I am the only one to blame...I have a gambling problem which is what got me into this mess to begin with..so have no one to blame but myself. Lost my house due to gambling..Wonder when i will ever learn...but I FINALLY HAVE HIT BOTTOM AND AM GOING TO DIG MYSELF OUT NO MATTER WHAT...I don't know what to say about your family, but if they are part of the problem that got your family into this situation then maybe they should know about what is going on so you don't have to bare the burden alone..just a thought.

Guys. . .know that all will be okay. I too struggle but I only have to worry about me. Both of my kids are adults, one married and the other in California. They both have a great education and a great job. My money is not unlimited and it's been rough but I am fortunate in that I didn't get too far into the "trap" before I decided to bail myself out. Know that I am thinking of you as you walk this journey.

My family is not involved directly. I made the decision to get the loans, but it has been due to unemployment on my husband's part over the last few years, then him getting hurt. And yes, poor management and planning ahead on my part.
My kids see their dad as the victim here, and me as the ogre...somehow...like I am mean to him because he has had these problems and blaming him? I am really not doing this, but I do get tired of them being angry at me when I stress over this? And tell them truthfully this is why I have the debt I do?

egypt....that was my guest post...I always think I am signed when I'm not. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of the PDLer's. Being between a rock and a hard place is no fun, especially when it comes to our kids. I've had to deal with the but "what about Popa" thing myself over different situations and to be honest, it just plain stinks. Try not to look back on the what if's or the should of or could of's. Focus on what is in front of you. You can't change the past but you can change what you do next. You are not alone in this. You have a million arms to give a cyber hug you when you need it and don't beat yourself up over this. We all have done the wrong thing for the right reason. Smile

egypt, you are giving yourself panic attacks! I know the feeling, as I lived it. You can see from other members posting to this thread that we are all in the same boat (or have been) so we can totally relate. Unfortunately, you have the personality to where you want results right now (isn't that Type A personality?). Nothing wrong with having that kind of personality, but you're going to have to try to "reprogram" yourself during all of this. It's a slow process, but it ends with great results. NOBODY knows about my whole "pdl life". NOBODY except this forum. And, that was really, really hard because it was just me trying to deal with it. If it wasn't for these people, I probably would have gone off the deep end. I remember in the very beginning I just wanted to close all the blinds and sit in the corner in the dark. Thank God I didn't choose that road. I chose to stand and fight (with the help of these people). I was a chicken $hit, for real. I was scared to death. But I listened to these guys and plunged in head first. What the hell. The thing that got me through it all, honestly, was knowing the fact that I would not go to jail. That was my worst fear. Once I realized I wasn't going to go to jail, I could calm down (a little). And, I just sucked it up and stuck my tail between my legs when dealing with the storefronts. I did whatever I could to get out of them. Everytime I had to speak to them, I would just tell myself "It'll only take 15 minutes and it'll be over with." That helped. When it came to internet pdls, I did everything via email. I'm a hell of a lot better at writing than talking! :lol: And, I will tell you this - you will come out on top of all this and you will be stronger than you ever thought you were. I look back and think "Holy cow! I can't believe I got through that!" I guess I was tougher than I thought, but not without the support and advise from this place. You can do this. Just realize it's not an overnight process. It does take work and it does take guts. You have the determination. I can tell from what you've already accomplished. Just keep telling yourself that soon it'll be over, because it will be. Honestly, it will be. Just not overnight though!

And, whiterock, I applaude you for admitting your gambling problem and addressing it. And also for your determination to get yourself out of this mess. That is awesome.

cannr....agree. I like things to be done and over as well, but I have had to take a one step at a time approach with this. It does pay off and I have already seen the results of what can be accomplished when you stand firm. Keep up the good work!

I feel you pain! I've been going through this for a long time! I've paid them off a couple of times and then re-borrowed. I recently hit the big "40", weeks before my birthday I was really depressed...I kept thinking, what a loser I was. Age 40 and still in over my head, can't manage money, have my family in a mess that they don't even know about...A few days after my birthday, I decided that the problem is bigger than me:) So I made an appt for tomorrow with CCCS, I know they don't help with PayDay loans, but the rest of my bills have now suffered due to the PDLs,. I'm hoping they can offer help with a budget and other areas. My next payday I should again be able to pay off 2 store fronts. The other 2 one on line and one store front, I hope to take advanage of the EPP. Its time for me to once and for all to clean this mess up and get out of this trap. Like Cannr said, you have to jump in head first and be brave.

Best of luck to you, Reny

I'm also one of those "I want it over and done with" people. However, it took me a while to get into this mess and I know it'll take a while to get out. But I try to figure it this way, each day is a step AWAY from the PDL's! Hang tough!!

egypt, you know there are a lot of us feeling the same way you do...and I so wish I could take away your pain...I did have to let my husband know what was going on...after Christmas and our water heater busted and our fence falling over; there was nothing left and my husband kept asking what was going on and why we never had money.....but we were all at fault; I would say in the past that when we were low on funds for what ever reason; I would tell my husband and kids; but it would not stop them from spending; so I would go get pdl's to cover what was spent. Not to mention nsf fees before i got the loans....

I too was sleep deprived; in a severe depression; always yelling at the kids and my husband...then finally I had to come clean...I was so ashamed that I had 17 loans.....oh my I thougtht...luckily they weren't storefronts and most of mine were illegal and I had paid well over the principle..

AND............this website totally saved my life as well....I couldn't be able to sleep and be a normal person if it wasn't for this wonderful community...I have only been doing this since the end of February, so a full month.. but having my full paycheck has been a blessing....

Once I get something by email; phone or mail and I have concerns; I don't hesitate to ask....and post out here..get my answers and I feel so good that I have each and everyone on this site...just amazing...I too try to help out a little here and there even though I am no expert...but believe me; once this is all behind me; I will return the favor...

hang in there egypt....you really can do this....

Cyber hug.....

Thanks everyone...this has helped me tremendously. Cannr, panic attack is a euphemism! But as strong and brave as you ae compared to what you say you were, which is like reading my own mail...gives me HOPE.
Purple, what you are saying you did is exactly what I have done too.
Had to tell my daughter she could not buy $10.99 laundry soap and you'd have thought the world ended.
I love you guys and I do not even know you.
Believe it or not, I advised a freind on how to get her sister out of this mess.
I am thinking seriously of writing an article for a magazine on this subject? Think there would be any takers?

I would hope there would be someone out there that would publish an article on this issue. I had no idea it was so bad.....I still can't believe I found this place and it was by chance surfing the internet on consolidating pdl's.....

I once was a dreamer of becoming a jounalist; and have also thought about writing an article....

Maybe it's worth it; I know it would probably make you feel good even if it wasn't published....

There are lots of people on here I am sure you could interview...I would tell my story...

But whatever you do; I want it to take your pain away...because coming out here takes away mine everyday....it's a struggle...

Good Luck Egypt...One day you can come on here and give us all your success and become the expert....

Actually writing was what I wanted to do. I took several commercial writing classes, then got writers block. I edited things so harshly I could not even write a letter. When I went back to school to be a nurse, I overcame this somewhat as I had to write papers again?
I do not think I will become an expert...somehow I still see myself as jaded when it comes to financial matters?
I do think someone needs to enlighten others who are like us and would not have a clue except for the fact we are computer literate and found this site?

I was a jounalism major in high school as well as in college; well during my junior year in school, I changed my major to business...well; needless to say I am not doing what I truly want to do; but am happy.

I still feel we need to have a voice and find a way to get the word out....these are desparate times and people are doing whatever they can and it just seems that these pdl's love it...

hopefully something or someone will be able to do what's best for all of us...

take care and wish you well....see you on here again...your cyber friend..

Thank you! I am hoping someone will come forward and tell if they have read any articles about these loans. I Googled and just found the ones pro-PDL's?
Tht they serve a purpose in poor communites where no one can get a conventional loan. What crap?

Egypt, I cannot tell you how to get through as I am just starting the process. I have felt like the biggest loser and even contemplated suicide(momentarily), because I was unable to take care of my daughter. But then I came here and you were one of the first people to offer me support and make me not feel like a loser. From what I can see you try to be very supportive of almost everyone. Maybe you can use that to help you get through this? It's kinda like a program I am involved in that one of the things you do is help other's going through what you have been through. I know whenever I do that it always makes me feel better.I don't know if this makes any sense. I want to let you know that you made a huge difference to me when I needed it the most! Thank you!

Mom that means so much to me right now today. I had an extremely bad night. I hope that I offered some comfort to you as you said. I sure do not want anyone to feel this misery and anguish.
Those who knew I did this with the PDL's in times past have made me feel so stupid, but those here on this site understand?
My husband was told last week that they would be searching for a way to give him more hours and I was encouraged, but now I see once again, it is not happeneing. I know he likes this job and does not want to quit but he will have to find a second part time job if they do not move faster? $200 a week is not enough to pay bills, much less pay off anything?
I am trying so hard not to lose faith, but I feel like I am moving through quicksand?

Quote:

Gee extend a branch right now. I just got a call from the Check Into Cash woman who I told that the account was closed, who said many do have a closed account and as *long as they do not know about it*, they can continue. Well today she called and said the bank told her the account was still open and the funds are available. I told her that was impossible, because it had been closed. I asked her what account number she had given them and she told me the old one...I told her other members of our family had an account so perhaps it was a mistake.
Then I called my bank and spoke with the gal who assisted me with closing the account. She reassured me that it was closed and that they will put not to give out the account info to anyone.
I think she is pressuring me into giving out my new account info.? How do you think she knows I have a new account? She says she cannot do a paydown unless the account is current, which requires a new account and check?

I am going to post most of the above on my other thread too...the urgent one as it really belongs there. Sorry guys.

Egypt, It is ok...we will find you no matter where you post it. Hang in there...someone will be along soon with the store front experience....but then you know that already :D

Yes Egypt, I am sure somebody will come along with more than a branch, probably a whole life preserver!

Sending you a big hug!!!!!

i am just starting the "process" of taking this problem by the horns. i am a paralegal.i make pretty damn good money for being 25. yet.. i dont see any of it due to this whole fiasco i put myself thru. i was going thru a tough break up.. had to move out, buy a new car.. i started to get behind and thought ONE payday would be fine.. then i needed another to get thru.. and ended up with 13!! its crazy. i been depressed, sleep deprivated FOR SURE. i can't sleep, i worry, i have anxiety soo crazy at times. its just taken over my life.. but with this website, i feel the light at the end of the tunnel. i was about to declare bankruptcy!! i hope all the advice and letter templates this site has given me will help me thru this rough patch.

but hang in there!! u obviously arent alone. and things will die down. u gotta take care of the people who matter the most in your life.. YOU and YOUR family. you know? i hear you on the food/rent thing. its depressing, but know it will end soon.

Hi - I cannot give you too much help as I am going through this as well but I just wanted to say you are not alone..

Lucky for you C...you are young and learning this lesson early on? You have the rest of your life now to be *smart* about your finances? There is a world of info. on this site alone, and others to help you get on solid financial ground? This may be a blessing in disquise that will set you on the right track?
I am hoping once I get this mess behind me I can get other bills (hospital, ccards,etc.) caught up. But you have to do it one step at a time and keep the essentials paid in order to do that?