Major Debt

Hi, I'm Jason I'm 34 and I live in North Eastern New Jersey. I have a few major debts tha i'm hoping can be lowered considerably. I'm currently unemployed and cannot receive Workmen's Compensation. Okay to start everything off, about 8 months ago I was looking to order a Monkey from AESOP, and i did. it costed me about 14,300 Us Dollars.
This monkey was very obedient for the frist 2 weeks, then within the nest 2 weeks became increasingly agressive, destructive and ****ual. By the time a month had passed, he had punched multiple holes in most walls of the house, tore down most of the fans, knocked down all the doors, and uprooted the kitchen sink. He was also deficating in my dog's bowl, and masturbating in the presence of guests, even molesting guests in some cases.
At this point I figured maybe he needed a female companion for him to calm down. So i bought a female Monkey, at the cost of 17,125 US Dollars. At the time I only had 360 dollars to pay for the monkey, this is where my debts start. After this i had a construction company, a plumbing company, and 3 electricians fix all the damages in my house. I had no money so pay for this.
It's been 5 1/2 months since my house has been fixed and i havnt been able to pay a dime, they're taking me to court over "breach of contract". I didnt have the money for a lawyer so i called the court office and provided me with a "cheap" lawyer that I would only have to pay in 3 installments, and I wouldnt have to start paying for 9 months. This lawyer though, costs me about 4,100 dollars and i dont have the money to pay for it. This though, is the absolute tip of the iceberg as compared to what happens next.
After another 3 weeks of having the two monkeys in my house, they became more agressive than ever. The house was a disaster again, worse than the first time around. The two monkeys were also having loud screeching **** all throughout every night and I was on the brink of insomnia and insanity, it had also caused numerous noise complaints.
In a rash decision to alleviate the monkey's suspected seperation anxiety which was causing the agressiveness, i bought 8 more monkeys, at 12,000 US Dollars each. This did NOT solve the problem, the other 8 monkeys immediately became as agressive as the other two and almost 1/4 of my house was torn offand reduced to rubble within another week. I had then, irritatedly, Ordered 672 (over two thirds of the company's inventory) more monkeys. I also bought 7 helecopters from HasCorp for them to fly in. All which i had no money to pay for up front. This was the worst decision yet. ALL of the monkeys became extremely agressive and ****ual. Within 2 hours of having them, they broke out of (what was left of) my house. They were in my neighbors yards, in houses, on roofs, in trees, along the street, reeking havoc and having screeching **** everywhere. That same day they reduced my house to complete rubble and crashed 4 of the helecopters into neighboring houses of mine.
In the aftermath of this incident, I owe roughly $66,989,000 to 22 of my neighbors, 2 construction companies, 3 plumbing companies, an electrician company, AESOP, HasCorp, the DPW, the Municipan court, PSE&G, now 4 lawyers and 9 million dollars in fines. There are also 28 different lawsuits, and 9 charges (3 federal offenses) pending against me.
This is a very hard situation for me, it is going to be a very long endeavor. I need someone to help me. This is why i chose to Email you at. I was hoping there's atleast a few ways you can alleviate most of my debts.
I'm expecting a call from one of my lawyers today, he said he may be able to get rid of half my fines and find a way to have the government help pay a small portion of my debts. I'll keep you informed on that.
My Email is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I'm Hoping to hear back from you soon, so we can discuss this matter in further detail.

Thank you
Jason

Email address deleted per forum rules- Clay

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