spoiling children

Hi Mikey,

I think that there are different definitions of spoiling. For example, what my mom does with my kids is my typical definition of spoiling: giving them sugar, letting them go crazy, etc. I don't allow much of that when they are with me, but Nana has that right I guess, like I said in the other forum. :)

Another type of spoiling, which I think you are referring to, is buying them everything they ask for and want. I don't do this with my kids either. They receive lots of toys on Christmas and birthdays, and not to mention they get little toys if we happen to get a kid's meal somewhere at a fast food place. I make sure that they have plenty to keep their minds occupied. Of course, my kids are 2 and 3, so I have not yet hit the teenage years where they want designer clothes, cell phones, etc....and I am terrified of all that! I do plan on teaching them the importance of saving (they do both have a see-through piggy bank, so I am doing what I can at their young ages to teach saving). I LOVE giving my kids gifts, and possibly if I was rich, I might get to the point where I spoil them. But right now I buy them lots of educational toys (Baby Einstein DVDS, Leapfrog toys) so that at least they are getting some education. OK, I'm going off on a different subject now, LOL!

~Mary :)

Children get spoilt when they get excessive freedom and the parents don't keep a check on them. Failing to give them time can also be one of the reasons of the children getting spoilt.

But sometimes, love can convey the whole message you want to pass to your child. Anger can lead to frustration and the children instead of obeying it will be repeating those mistakes again.

Gift your child what you want to but at the same time make him/her realize the real facts also.

Is giving your child a car for their 16th birthday going a little too far? What if they have a job, and could use it to get to and from work? Or should parents allow children to save, and buy their own car?

Pointing to the second option, rich people can afford such choices and if the child and the parents love each other the most and have a better understanding. In such cases, there is a very less chance of the child getting spoiled if he understands his parents.

In the middle class people who live their life between paychecks, we know we can't afford it and therefore, some control should be applied.

I think that it is appropriate to give a 16 year old a USED car, that runs decently and is reliable, for the purposes of getting a job and going back and forth to work, and whatever other purposes. I think that the kid would be expected to maintain the car though, oil changes, tire rotation, etc, not to mention gas and insurance, to teach responsibility. I hate seeing kids at my sister's school who are driving brand new Mustangs....when you know they didn't earn it.

~Mary

I am going to throw my two cents in here...I think if you can afford it...you should absolutely buy your 16 year old a car...a fairly new one, if not new. And then they can pay their gas, insurance, etc. My parents did not have the money to buy me a car when I was 16, so I ended up with a piece of junk, and was always stuck on the side of the road. These days, that is not very safe. The car can also be a valuable bargaining tool...it can be taken away at any time...when grades drop, curfew is broken..etc. Of course in the state I live in (Texas) if they are failing a class they get their driver's license temporarily revoked if they fail a class, and if they are about to take driver's ed they have to be passing all classes..good law I think.

I think that law is a great idea....wish California had that :)

~Mary

I think that today parents are so busy trying to give their children everything they never had, they fail to realize that they aren't doing them any real favors. Much of the current generation expects to walk out of college and have a lifestyle similar to the one their parents have. Not realizing that their parent's didn't start out in that position. It was the result of years of hard work and careful money management.

On the car subject, my parents helped us buy our first cars in a way. They bought us each a bottle calf when we were about ten and we fed the calf and took care of her. We kept her and then sold the subsequent calves - and saved the proceeds. So they didn't just hand over the cash, but they helped us to earn the money to buy a car. Of course we also helped in the care of the farm and animals. We were also responsible for insurance, fuel, maintanece and tires. Long before liablity insurance was state mandated, it was mandated by my Daddy! :P Our oil had to be changed and our tires had to meet his standards or the car didn't leave the place.

DH and I don't have a farm, so we can't do that, but I do expect to do something similar for DS. I am not handing over the keys to a new car and he is NOT getting my '69 convertible Mustang! It's mine, all mine!!!!! :D We will probably help him buy some type of classic car that he and DH will work together to restore.

Quote:

Our kids are taught from day one that money doesn't grow on trees and if they want something they need to earn the money and save their allowance until they have enough to buy whatever they were wanting. Our 8 year old does cheerleading and she has to earn the money each year for the uniform and buy the shoes. They seem to understand that money doesn;t grow on trees and in order to have something earn it. If they want by a snack at school, they have to use their own money. Every Saturday is family night and we all sit and decide what we want to do and we all pool our money together and either go out to supper or a matinee.

I remember hearing a couple years back that Michigan had such a law; however it was more if you dropped out, you lost your license. Having a car gives teenages more oppurtunities to get out and learn about life, but at the same time gives them more freedom. I don't know which is more important, really. I do know that as a teenager I wasn't just running around with my friends, but going to work, school, the museum, a few parties, etc. I managed to save more money that way I think, by having my own car. Just my two cents.

My little sister JUST passed her driving test this morning. She is so excited! But she doesn't have a car.....hehehehee

~Mary