My story finally posted

Date: Thu, 02/16/2006 - 12:13

Submitted by Jedi Mistress Ari
on Thu, 02/16/2006 - 12:13

Posts: 2192 Credits: [Donate]

Total Replies: 21

Hello everyone, after a couple of months of being an unofficial counselor here in this forum. It's time for me to fill in all the holes and tell my story.

I was 18 when my sense of self completely evaporated. My parents divorced, I was raised poor and had to slave at these dreadful jobs since age 16, working for people who treated me like a lowly peasant. At 18, I had a full-blown eating disorder, I was a senior in high school and my grades were the worst, and I was beginning to completely withdraw myself from society. I hated people and wanted to slap everyone who got on my case. I met the cretin who later became my first husband. We both worked for the same shopping-mall staple GNC. He was a wannabe figure skater in spite of having absolutely no experience, and a wannabe model in spite of being very disproportionate in his face and physique. He told me what I wanted to hear and I believed him. He made pretty good money working on the night crew at a grocery store, and he took me shopping at places like Saks and Neiman Marcus, he also promised me that as soon as he finished modeling school he would pay for me to attend and be a model myself. I thought this guy was making my dreams come true!

I should have seen that something was amiss when I met his parents. There was absolutely nothing I liked about them. His mother was very negative and over-opinionated, not to mention loud and always talked about herself. His father was a complete shadow, he just stood behind his wife nodding his empty head.

One month after meeting him, we moved in together. He told me that since he made enough money, I didn't have to work at all. Since I was basically antisocial, I accepted that offer. Slowly my mixing problems worsened and I dropped out of school as well. My parents were calling me, school couselors were calling me, they all knew something was amiss and that he was quickly becoming a problem. I didn't want to hear it though, I wanted them to just leave me alone.

With me not working, us living together, certain plans didn't change. There was still a lot of spending being done to further his so-called modeling career, even though the only modeling job he ever got was passing out Ruby Tuesday fliers at the mall. Eventually the bill collectors started calling for him at our apartment and at his parents house. After six months we lost the apartment, and lived in various places including efficiency apartments at these squalid hotels, we'd try living separately at our parents houses, but soon enough, my own family saw how he was dragging me further down and were counseling me to dump him and accept their help with a fresh start. Just as I was starting to hang on to their words, he would jump in and start with the guilt trips and manipulation. He took this job managing a GNC store and hired me to work with him so he'd always keep an eye on me and have immediate access to my paychecks. We fought all the time and I was seriously getting sick of him and starting to hate him. But I couldn't say no to him! I still believed that pomise he made of me eventually having a modeling career with his guidance. After one particularly nasty fight between him and my stepmother, he had me spend the night with him in the back room of the GNC!

Two months later we finally got another apartment. I worked sporadically, then not at all. I still resented the public and wanted a work-at-home job.

Four reclusive years passed, then one night, he tells me he just doesn't feel the same way anymore and wants me to move out. I laid awake all night wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I'd finally gotten my high school diploma through correspondence school, and I was seriously thinking of doing what my father did and join the Air Force.

I called my mom and told her what happened. She told my dad who was thrilled that I was choosing a military career over a reclusive life with a loser.

I went to enlist, and some of my old medical maladies came back to haunt me. The heart murmur I've had all my life, and the partial hysterectomy I had at 15. I was devastated to hear that I was disqualified from enlisting. By then, guess who weasled his way back into my life? That's right, the thing! First, he was following me everywhere I went, demanding I not enlist, saying he hated the military. Then all of a sudden, he wanted to enlist! He got in smoothly while I wondered what the hell to do with myself. He then planted it in my head that we could get married, and it would be a way for me to enlist through him. Crazy, right? Shame on me, I believed him. I gritted my teeth and told my parents I was getting married.

I resigned myself to marrying him. I was 22. I remember watching the wedding video my mom made of the fitful day. I'm standing facing him, one hand in his and the other holding my stomach. I was furious, and disgusted with myself and wanted to puke right then and there because there I was marrying someone I hated and couldn't stand to touch.

Fast forward two stupid months. I'm still not in, but he's jetting off to bootcamp. He left me with his last paycheck from the supermarket of about $240. The next day, all but $6 of that was scooped up by this rotten little bill collector who threatened to repo the only car we had. So I was left with $6 for the nest month until his first military paycheck was direct deposited. I also went to get the mail and found all these final notices in my name! It was a nightmare! $760 to the Franklin Mint! $250 overdraft from Bank of Boston! $682 to the correspondence school! All this he'd been hiding from me! Add huge insulty to injury, $2000 of adult phone entertainment! Luckily, the phone compnay understood that I was clearly not responsible for that and changed the name on the account. I drove all over the place in desperation. I called his parents desperate for help but they were bloody useless. His mother just laughed and spoke of how he's just as bad with money as his father and he has to be told when he can't have something, and of course the dumb old fool just stood behind his wife nodding his empty head.

I turned to my parents and they were a godsend! My mother helped me keep the car until I could get a free one from a relative, she also helped me with rent and groceries so I had enough time to move out gracefully. My father helped me divorce the loser. Once word of that got loose. The loser would call me endlessly on the cell phone my mom helped me get, and at work at my waitressing job bawling and begging me not to divorce him. His mother was worse. She'd show up at my door unannounced, crying rediculous fake crocodile tears begging me not to leave her son. They both backed off when I told them I was not changing my mind and I threatened them with restraining orders.

After I moved out gracefully, I worked various office jobs through a temp agency to build up my professional image and experience while I studied liberal arts at a community college. I dated sporadically, a lot of losers still because I still has a poor opinion of myself and couldn't differentiate a loser from a winner. I built up my social skills, and finally made it back into society! My father and stepmother gave me a very sweet 24th birthday, chinese food, champagne, and comedies from the local Blockbuster.

It was when I was 24 that my awakening reached a new level. I was at the library searching for work on Monster.com when I stumbled across another website. Lavalife.com, a dating website. I used to think dating services and websites were for the desperate, but I was nevertheless curious. I built up a profile on the website, and not two weeks later, a man who called himself "Chopter" was e-mailing me. This "Chopter" guy said in his profile that he grew up in Denmark, and had just moved to the states to work as a helicopter pilot. He gave me his number, and one moring I called him. He had a mesmerizing accent, we made plans to meet at a halfway point on Valentine's Day.

That date was magic. The picture of me to the left of all my posts is a relic of that day. We made another date the following weekend, and we became closer. After that, I began spending every weekend at his apartment, and we were discussing me moving in. There was only one problem. Immigration Status. His work visa was due to expire in a few months. I was horrified, I was sure that if I had to see him off back to Denmark forever, my heart would stop and I would fall down dead where I stood. We made a decision. We agreed that if we were to marry, we were going to do everything humanly possible to make it work. It was settled then, on May 25 of 2004 we were married. I had already paid off the lions share of my debt. I remember one morning when I knew the idiot's paycheck was being deposited, my dad woke me up so I would be just in time to get to the bank and intercept the check before he could blow it away on junk. I was successful! The Franklin Mint, my cell phone, and several medical bills were swiftly obliterated! Then came a phone call from the jerk whining about my taking the money. I explained that it was to fix the damage he'd done and then I hung up. He called right back, and my dad answered the phone and completely lambasted him for being a loser and made several wisecracks about all the bills he had racked up since, then he hung up. I compared that moment to the scene in Back to the Future when they made Biff crash his fancy car into a manure truck, and we laughed uproariously! Going back up to the day me and Frank married, I only had a few medical bills left, and that overdraft, and then I would be free.

I took a full time job at Home Depot, and we lived in his little attic apartment. I withdrew from community college and enrolled in business administration courses at an online school. Five months into our marriage, I finally got to meet my in-laws in person. They treated us, and the rest of the family, to a vacation on the island of Lanzarote. A month later we reunited for Christmas in Denmark.

Five months later in May, I had worked a full year at Home Depot and had completely paid off all my debts when I got a call in response to my Monster resume from the recruiting manager of Collection Company of America. After thinking about it, I accepted. My first week was spent getting oriented with the process of collecting debt, student loans to be exact, building rapport with people, and abiding by the fdcpa. I made new friends, and within weeks I was a natural! I was making conversations, establishing trust, and helping people who were in situations that I had once been in. I couldn't bring myself to be the least bit harsh or condescending because in many of these debtors, I saw my old self.

That person is long gone. I eat healthfully now and exercise religiously. My first passion was weightlifting, I did that for two and a half years, now I do yoga and pilates, and soon I will be doing workouts with a Bosu. I do not hate or fear society, I join it now and I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. I went from being emaciated, antisocial, and reclusive to being solid, outgoing, and active. I have also recently recieved my ABA and am expecting my BBA this July. After I finish school, I'm looking to join a theatre group because I like acting.

Three months ago. My husband landed a really good job transporting oil diggers to and from the rigs in the Gulf, I now sell TruGreen-Chemlawn. We live in a luxury apartment in Pensacola, we are also looking into buying a house this summer. The future now seems limitless as is my resolve.

Ari, Read your story. Life doesn't go smooth all the way. The

Ari,

Read your story. Life doesn't go smooth all the way. There are ups and downs, light and darkness???these are part of the game you know. I really appreciate that you have taken it as a challenge. And I must say, you've won the game.

If you've read my story in this forum, then you can understand, I have done few mistakes also. But then I got the chance to rectify it and I grabbed it. I must admit that my parents are the torch bearer in my life too. I could not be able to turn up as a normal person without their help and cooperation. You are right Ari, parents are a godsend.

Now when I look back to my past I feel very happy that ultimately I managed it. I think you will agree with me at this. Life has shown so many colors; still you have been loyal and dedicated to your profession...that's the true quality of human being. My best wishes are always with you :D