2nd Bankruptcy and chapter 13 questions

I had a chapter 7 discharged 5 years ago but due to a family members crack problem I have been helping his wife to support their 3 kids and my money issues have resurfaced. I talked to my lawyer and we have decided to file a chapter 13 so that I can pay all my credit cards back in full without the crazy fees and interest rates over a 5 year period. I am not stiffing any of them , I did that once and can't live with that.

My questions about chapter 13

1)My lawyer said it is us who comes up with a plan to be submitted to the court for approval. I thought it was the trustee who decides how the money is distributed?

2) How intrusive into your life is the court as long as you stay on the payment plan? Do they come to your home or do you need to keep on appearing in court throughout the 5 year plan even if your on time with your payments?

3) Will i have to account for every dime I spend while being on the plan even if I make my payments on time every month?

4) Will the trustee look over my payment plan and tell us if its ok to start paying before we sit in front of him in court as I heard 30 days after submitting the plan you must make a payment and can't see how that is possible as you never sit in front of the trustee 30 days after filing from what I have read.

Thanks a lot for replying to my questions..My nerves are so shot I almost feeling like eating a bullet right now. I hate being in this position again and I hate the word Crack. It turned a great human being in my life into a maniac who doesn't care for me or his kids.