I'm so scared..

I messed up sooo big! I have been using our checking account in the worst way all year, and have been using our overdraft "protection" as our own personal little payday loan. Literally I have been overdrafting our account every week until we hit the 1500 maximum. And paying $30 fees for everything that overdrafted. I refuse to add up the amounts, I know it is in the thousands.

This week my bank revoked the overdraft protection due to abuse. I knew it was coming, and I am not surprised, even a little relieved that the temptation has been taken away.

My problem now is that my car loan is over due, my cc's are over due. 1 cc has been charged off, and I've been making payments, but I can't do that this month, 1 cc is near charge off and I can't fufill the second half of the aggrement to settle this month.

my dh's check is direct deposited into the account, and after bringing the account current will leave us with around 100. My paycheck is not dd'd, so I will have approx 300 cash on hand. my car loan is 270 for last month, the cc is 100.

I also have 2 checks being returned right now, one of which is to a friend which is terribly ashaming.
I also have to tell my mom she can't cash the check I gave her earlier this week.

The absolute worst of all of this? My husband is clueless. I completely ran everything, and I've completely run it into the ground. I'm am petrified of telling him, I don't know if our marriage could take it.

I've brought everything on myself, I am well aware. We tried to live a life we couldn't afford, and I don't understand why I couldn't stop myself! We got our tax money, and I swore that would be the end of the neg account. Poof! I couldn't even tel lyou where it went. Then the stimulus check...same thing...Poof!

If anyone has any advice for me, I really need it. I am thinking about going to my church to ask for assistance to get our neccesities paid, but it will take an awfull lot of pride swallowing and I don't know if I am strong enough.

Thanks for reading this novel!