Thank you ball_mich
Rose - I've already responded via private message, but was going
Rose - I've already responded via private message, but was going to try to repost that here for everyone's benefit. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to find what I wrote to you... So will re-write a little bit of what I wrote.
Settlement is primarily an issue of leverage. Whether or not your 2nd mortgage is underwater or not is only a portion of the equation. Just as important is whether or not you are protected by your state's anti-deficiency laws. Some mortgages are recourse loans, meaning you are personally liable for the debt, just like a credit card. Other mortgages are non-recourse, meaning they cannot sue you for a deficiency judgement, only foreclose on their collateral (i.e. your house).
In California (the only state I know about specifically) the anti-deficiency laws are generally covered by California Code of Civil Procedure ("CCP") 580 (a) through (d). There is also the "One Action Rule", although I cannot remember the CCP number but it's in the code as well. Make sure you read the link below to further understand these. Generally speaking, if your loan was purchase money, meaning the loan proceeds were used to pay the seller when you purchased, the loan is then non-recourse. If you refinanced, the loan is no longer purchase money and likely recourse. If you took out the loan after purchase, like a HELOC to pay for repairs, that is not purchase money, likely a recourse loan. However, some HELOC's were used in a purchase money role to fund the purchase proceeds, like in an 80/20 dual loan situation... So some HELOC's could be purchase money.
http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/.html/ccp_table_of_contents.html
Anyway, the best situation for you to have maximum leverage is for the 1st mortgage to be at or greater than the FMV of your home, AND to have a non-recourse loan. That way the 2nd can't sue you for a deficiency judgement and wouldn't likely foreclose because they'd get nothing from the sale. When I settled, my loan was recourse, so I didn't have maximum leverage. So it can be done but I found it difficult, for sure.
Settlement was not easy and it's not for everyone. And you do run the risk that the lender acts irrationally and decides to foreclose your home despite the fact that it's not in their best interests to do so.
As far as sharing your personal financial information. I don't think that's necessary a bad thing, if you don't think it will hurt your chances at a settlement. My situation was very complicated and I had no confidence that they'd be able to accurately read my financial information and come to the right conclusion, so I didn't give them the opportunity to do so.
Hopefully that was helpful.