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Tough Situation

I'm 26 and turning 27 next year. I am in some debt and feeling very stressed all my life, I feel like now may be a good time to ask 1 of my family member:
Let me explain how my family works to you:

Dad and Mom - Senior citizens ,
74 years old - dad is a retired senior citizen
62 years old - mom is a breast cancer survivor working p/t - doesn't make much

19 years old - one younger brother that's in college working part time - doesn't make much

My financial obligation that is a MUST:

I give my parents and younger brother monthly allowance:

Monthly Minimum: $800
Additional - Random : $100 extra month / younger brother, he is doing good in school

Supplement for their rent: $400-600
Cell phone: Family Plan- 3 lines, 2 for them, $100.00
Monthly Train Fare: $208


As for myself, I don't want to get into it as it really doesn't make a different. The fact is I have been supporting my family since 16 and a few years back I gave more than $1200 a month to them however now I don't have that type of resource to do so anymore. My current salary is $47,000 a year with a 3,000 bonus. It's definitely rough...

No one in my family is rich or have a good amount of money, my closest family members are pretty frugal themselves but they are not able to help me. My cousin which watch me grew up always said I'm smart and try to help me however I don't know whats up with her. I did my own online business when I was young and I was making good money however since I was young and naive I made some bad decisions which didn't work out too well. My my and dad is like a diaster, the current apartment they reside in is horrible.. very old and dirty and small, I just can't live with them and therefore I move out.
Family is family , I love them regardless and their so old already I don't have any patience to try to change them anymore, my childhood was pretty much ruined by them however I guess they did good enough for me to be able to be strong enough to keep moving up in life.

I always feel that in life you have to do your best and whatever happens just do your best and you should be okay. I don't like asking for help because thats how I was taught when I grew up so pretty much until I was like 21 then I asked for help. My cousin (she is about 50) yes, she could be my mother, thats how our relationship is kinda like: was able to help me a get internship at the company I'm working now and to tell you the truth I;m doing alright however its been 5 years my salary increased only about $7,000.00. It's pretty rough when I think about it, My youth is pretty much gone.

She always say she will help me and such (because my family helped her when she was young and when she came to America). I am very grateful to hear that but I remember when I did asked her when I was I think 24, she kept giving me all these story like a game plan , like what I'm going to do with the money etc.. I told her I have some personal debt and I also want to use the money to do some side business and funds will be repaid back by my monthly salary. Anyway it didn't go well however our relationship did improved alot and I try not to think about how nuch it hurt when she rejected me.

Now, its been like 1.5 years since her bf has passed away and I know.. she inherited millions. properties and funds and I always hear her trying to talk about investing in business and such after she rejected me and then ask me if i want to do some business with her and she invest the funds and such. I simply told her no.. Now I want to ask her if she can loan me around $50000 and I will repay in 5 years at monthly $1000 so she will receive $10,000 in interest in 5 years.

Is this a good idea ? I mean she knows I work hard trying to move up, this year I hjavent even gone on vacation I have 20 something days left of vacation days at work. I am working my way up I just want some cushion to help me out.

Any advice is appreciated. Sorry for my lack of writing, honestly theres a lot more however I don't know how to effectively list exactly how my personal life is.

Keep this in mind: , thoughtout all the years whenever my family including herelf needs help with something, I'm the one they call....

I honestly feel so tired sometimes and also quite sick when I go help her and have dinner with her and talk about some of my problems and tell her my stories at work how I am getting better because its just very hard on me.

If I never took the job, Im not sure how I would of rolled out however I know that my parents would of continue to need the support so I definitely would have did something to help them. and myself.

In no way is she responsible for me or need to help me, its just that I'm quite sick of helping everyone and then wonder how come I am in the position I am today, why cant i just get some help for once.

Ok... here's the problem. With finance, you need to look out for YOU. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. This is a very common problem that financial advisors deal with all the time. People get themselves into debt and cannot take care of their own bills because they are paying for family members. You need to cut what you are giving your family plain and simple. If you were the one with the millions, then it'd be fine. But you're not. When you can't pay your own bills, it's time to stop being the one taking care of your 19 year old brother and parents.

As for the idea of this loan, I don't think it is a good idea at all. What is the point of getting yourself into 50 grand of debt? It's just insane - your life is out of order and I honestly would consider seeing a therapist to help you work through this.

After reading your story agian, I am disgusted by your cousin. She should be the one taking care of your family, not you the one making 47 grand a year when she has millions.

Sub: #1 posted on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 20:46

waffles waffles
Moderators Cum Industry Expert
(Posts: 1697 | Credits: )

Waffles is right. There is a point till all things are possible but pushing beyond that is just setting yourself up for an irreparable meltdown, both financial and personal. As you said, you are the one taking care of the entire family so if you end up burnt out early there would be no one around to take care of them in the same way you do.

Depending on the size of the debt, recalculate your monthly opening balance and then just relocate enough funds to get rid of the debt (which should be your primary objective for now). Cut whatever corners that you need to, cut away the bonus that you send your brother for a few months, reduce the rent allowance by a 100. It all adds up in the end. You just need to tell yourself that the faster you clear your debts, the lesser you have to repay to outsiders/creditors and the more you will be able to use on your family's needs.

Sub: #2 posted on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 21:52

Steve Barris Steve Barris

(Posts: 1045 | Credits: )

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