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I think my relationship of 5 years is over

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I'm so sad right now.

I've been with my BF for over 5 years which I know is a long time. We definitely had our ups and downs like all couples do. But lately, I just really feel like something is "off".

My BF has 2 kids from his previous relationship. They're great kids and I get along with them well.

I always swore (before him) that I would never date anyone with kids because I couldn't deal with the baggage (this was when I was younger and less mature). With my current BF, I made the exception because he is a really nice guy and we got along well.

Well, to make a long story short, his ex took his kids to North Carolina last year, where she purchased a home. We're in NYC. He now feels as if he wants to be near them, meaning moving to NC. He asked me if I would be willing to do so. I told him no, because I have my family (most importantly, my grandmother, who is 86, and just lost her husband), my friends, my job, etc. I didn't feel it was fair to expect me to uproot my life and just go.

Not to mention his constant financial problems. He's a hard worker, but always struggling to make ends meet. It's been this way always. He complains about it all the time, but as I told him, I have yet to see him actually "do" anything about it.

I'm so distraught because we've been together for so long and now it means starting all over. I told him there's no way I could do a long distance thing, it's just not me. I know his kids are a priority over me, but I guess it's just settling in now.

Thanks for listening, and any advice would be appreciated.




Just remember it won't always hurt this bad---trust me on this one. It doesn't mean you forget it forever, the pain just slowly subsides.

Sub: #11 posted on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 14:59

Lorri Lorri
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I think you already know what is right for you. And as hard a decision as it is, it will be the right one. Let yourself greive for your lost relationship, and then you can move on. When you have children, there is no greater love, and it is so hard to be away from your children. Mine are grown and gone now, and I have grandchildren, (they live out of state), but I do see them as often as I can, I make the trip about every 3 to 5 weeks.
His children will come first, no matter what, and that is not always easy to deal with. A lot of women are jealous of their BF children, but that is the way it is. Once you have children, you will understand his need to be close to them.

Sub: #12 posted on Thu, 08/28/2008 - 08:17

marthac marthac

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Hi again everyone,
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind advice. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but things (as usual) have been a bit hectic and draining.

Not much has changed since my last post. He is still going to go, probably towards January/February of next year. He's going to find a job before he goes (thank goodness) and see if he can kind of set things up before he goes.

So it is what it is. I know it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over, both him and I agree that there's always a chance of things working out in the future.

Time will tell.

Sub: #13 posted on Wed, 09/10/2008 - 08:58

JEN5276 JEN5276

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