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I am in fact still alive and Thank you all so very much

Date: Tue, 06/19/2007 - 14:16

Submitted by Moondanzer
on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 14:16

Posts: 361 Credits: [Donate]

Total Replies: 18


I really don't know what to say except to first apologize to everyone for causing so much worry. I am very grateful that I recieved a phone call this afternoon checking on me. I have in fact, not been doing well at all for the last 2 to 3 weeks. I did not handle my son-in-law's deployment orders as well as I thought I could. I do honestly believe that I have had a nervous breakdown over all of this. I have lost 20 lbs. in just the last few weeks. My husband was shocked when he came this past week-end for Father's day. You have all been such good friends. If you would just read my blog for 1 last time....I think you will be able to better understand what I have been through. I am in fact on my way back. I wrote my last post today to my blog. I am letting the blog stay up in honor of my son-in-law and all veterans and their families caught up in this nightmare...but, I myself must accept God's will and get on with life. So please give me a little time to find Jackie again, and, I will be back stronger than ever. Oh yes my blog is at

http://moondanzerdelivers.blogspot.com

Thank you all for being such good friends.


Thank you my dear friend, I hit a turning point today. In fact, up until today I wasn't doing very well at all. And, didn't even realize it. But, I have accepted the fact that I can't stop what God has destined to be. So yes as of today I am on my way back. It may take me a while....I am very weak. My husband thought about having me hospitilized due to my weight loss. I guess this is something that only family members of military can truly understand. I really had no clue that it would literally rip my heart out. Thank you so much for being here for me.


lrhall41

Submitted by Moondanzer on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 14:38

( Posts: 361 | Credits: )


Thank you so much Goudah....today you were an Angel. And, I actually went back and changed that part on the blog. To getting rid of the alterego MoonDanzerDelivers. I actually like the name and heaven knows I love my avatar. So I think Moondanzer shall live. But MoonDanzerDelivers is gone. I actually feel so relieved. I think I am going to get something to eat and watch a movie. Much love and hugz to all of you!


lrhall41

Submitted by Moondanzer on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 15:00

( Posts: 361 | Credits: )


You are in a very good mood, Moon. We are very happy to have you back and enjoy this beautiful day. This is one life we live and we have to go through everything written in destiny. Just enjoy every single day because it's the gift by God. He wants to see all his children happy :)

Mike


lrhall41

Submitted by Mike on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 16:20

( Posts: 1317 | Credits: )


Well honestly I don't know why you are either....except someone cared enough to call and check on me and inform me that everyone was worried. So I posted to let everyone know that I am truly still alive. And, thank you for the welcome back....and, I would sing you a tune if I could....but, I don't rhyme very well....can't you tell?


lrhall41

Submitted by Moondanzer on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 20:47

( Posts: 361 | Credits: )


Moon,
I am glad to hear that you are ok, I encourage you to stay with us. I am a desert storm veteran, my brother and I were both deployed at the same time. My mother went absolutely crazy with worry, she wrote us everyday. Today I am a veterans employment representative in Pa. I see the changes in the young men and women that come back from Iraq, it is sad. My father was a vietnam veteran who ended his life shortly upon return. All that came back of him was a shell anyway. He drank heavily and eventually the evils of the ptsd took over and he quietly ended it. 3 months later his brother did the same. I have always wanted to write about being the child of a vietnam veteran, I had the title chosen, "Casualties of War, forgotten children", I recently sent to get my fathers medals, I have his and mine, someday I will sit down and make a display that is deserving. He was a young man, a strong man and a soldier. He was 27 when he chose to leave.

Stay with us, we are here for your support and we could all use some healing.


lrhall41

Submitted by fedupinpa on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 21:07

( Posts: 1511 | Credits: )


Oh fedupinpa, I am so sorry to hear about your Father...I have quite a few videos up on my blog in honor of viet nam vets. I did not know you were military and a Desert Storm vet. I guess if anyone knows what I went through trying to accept this...then your mother would. And, I think you should write your book. What I have learned from this experience is that even though I always thought war was terrible, and, I have friends who are vets from Viet Nam too. And many of them came back so messed up. But, when this deployment came through for Bill....so unexpectedly because he was already deployed.....it really did almost drive me over the edge. But, I am getting adjusted...I realize that I could write on that blog till I fell over dead in this chair and he is still going. Geezz....I hope this is making sense. I am just glad to be getting back. I put up a lovely video about the Circle of The Cross. Anyway I am going to crash in front of the tv and try to get some sleep tonight. Once again thanks to all of you.


lrhall41

Submitted by Moondanzer on Tue, 06/19/2007 - 21:17

( Posts: 361 | Credits: )


I don't talk much about it on here. I was 6 years old, and it took me a long time to forgive my father for walking out on me. In the eyes of a 6 year old, thats what it was. I felt that I was not worth sticking around for. It was terrible for me. I used to dump his whiskey and fill his bottle with water after he got so drunk. You know to this day, I swear he got drunker on the water. The song Delta Dawn by Donna Fargo still makes me cry, he did leave me with that memory of bouncing on his lap to that song. I missed him at every painstaking moment in my teenage years, I missed him at my graduation. I ALWAYS missed him and still do today. But I have to wonder how he would have been if he would be here, would he have turned it around, could he have managed life after the war.

So now you have to stick around, I don't have many that I trust to talk so boldly about this too without them looking at me crosseyed. Mom don't get it, she was long over him before he came back. She will sometimes use it as an excuse to cry on her drunks she goes on and that just makes me irrate. She moved on long before he was home. She was young, had me when she was 15, so I can't really blame her. I am the oldest and remember more. My siblings, especially one had a hard time dealing with her 27 birthday.

When I deal with a young man or woman who is at their wits end when they come back. I tell them my story, especially that I had such a hard time forgiving him, only hoping that they will see past the point of their depression and stress and see that the decision that they make in that moment affects more than just them. I felt deserted by my father.

I think you should do a post in the pub, you can then print it off and send it to his whole squad, I used to love getting the letters from the school kids, it took my mind off the what if's of war. Goodluck and hang in there, you are not alone.


lrhall41

Submitted by fedupinpa on Wed, 06/20/2007 - 04:04

( Posts: 1511 | Credits: )


Jackie-I am SO glad to hear you ar ok! I read your blog the other day and was extremely worried about you and your mental health. Being in the profession, I get worrried when I read thoughts of others and how hard it is to cope. I think your signature says it all-heal the past-dream the future-live the present. Today your son-in-law is ok, and so are you. God only gave us one day at a time to live for this reason-man can only carry lifes burdens and live one day at a time. Sometimes I have to look at my life that way-today everything is ok-, and tomorrow God will get me through another day. A Catholic nun told me something at the hospital when my day was dying that has helped me through alot, I told her I didn't think I could handle my day dying and she said- God has already prepared you for everything in your life that you will go through-you just don't realize it until it comes. If you need to talk,I'm here!..Karen :D


lrhall41

Submitted by Bossy4455 on Wed, 06/20/2007 - 08:21

( Posts: 5854 | Credits: )