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I have a daughter who

Date: Thu, 03/29/2007 - 14:19

Submitted by anonymous
on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 14:19

Posts: 202330 Credits: [Donate]

Total Replies: 6


I have a daughter who has just graduated from college. She is looking for a job and has a part time job now. She has run up some credit card debt that has been given to a collection agency. She admits to being terrible with her money and says she cannot pay off her debts. We don't believe we should pay them off because it won't teach her anything. She needs some money management skills and she is not listening to us. Can you make some suggestions? She lives in Chicago.
Thanks


I agree with you Susan-you should not pay them off. I am a product of two wonderful parents who have bailed me out financially time and time again. It has taught me that no matter what kind of trouble I get into, they will get me out. It has made for a strained relationship becaues everytime I go over there or call they think I need money. Don't get me wrong...They are the most wonderful parents in the world for bailing me out...no doubt butnow I feel like such a burden to them that I am ashamed to go to them just to visit. While I do not have any suggestions on what she can do to learn money management, I can only tell you that unless she wants to learn those skills it will fall on deaf ears. It took my, now at age 29, getting pregnant to finally go to my mom and ask her to show me how to budget my money. I hope she doesn't do what i have done which is destroy my credit and while I have the education, because of my debts I live paycheck to paycheck and am stressed all the time. Good luck to you and your daughter. I am sure someone will come along and help you with some suggestions soon!


lrhall41

Submitted by Leah on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 14:24

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It was very nice of you Leah to come and make your point from a child's point of view.

Susan, you are a mother and you don't want to see your child getting involved in some troubles. Stand besides her making her realize that she should take her share of responsibilities. Keep talking to her on this matter. Maybe she will get bugged off but she needs to understand the fact. If possible, ask your daughter to come here and read Leah's post for the possible consequences if she isn't realizing her responsibilities now. Make her feel that you are a caring mother and will always support her in life. It's actually your care in a way by not paying her debts. She has to go through some thought process. Keep talking to her. She can cut all the unnecessary expenses from what she is earning in her part time job and pay to the CA. This will be a good step to begin with.


lrhall41

Submitted by PassionHunting on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 15:09

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If she registers, she can get a free phone call from a credit counselor. She doesn't have to use their services, but they can help her explore her options. What you are trying to do is admirable...you can fish for someone; or teach them to fish, and they'll not go hungry (or something like that). Should she use any company, she'd be wise to research whoever she intends to sign up with (BBB, AG, FTC, this website, etc...).


lrhall41

Submitted by Morningstar on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 17:21

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yeah you are right you shouldn't pay her debt for her because she will never learn. she just like my sister everytime she needs money she run to our mother when she runned her credit card up there my mom was running to give her the money to pay it off now everytime you turn around she's calling asking my mom for money and now my oms getting tired of it. that's why i think it's good to let your kids learn to manage money early in life.


lrhall41

Submitted by blinkyberry on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 17:38

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I am assuming your daughter is well over 18 and probably over 21 (or close to it). Let me explain my experience with my own daughter (now 26, married and expecting). I taught her at a young age to be very frugal with her babysitting money and later her part-time job paychecks. I showed her how to save a little each time, pay her small debts and to allocate so much for fun,etc. She listened and followed all of my instructions. Now as an adult with her home, she is still very good at managing money.

BUT----after kids reach a certain age there is only so much you can do for them and only so much they will listen to. My daughter does listen to advice I might give her, but ultimately does what she feels is best for her (which is usually what I have suggested orignally...LOL :roll: ) Her husband is the one who really listens to me and wants to follow my advice usually, but then I am not HIS mother.

As a mother, your natural instinct is to want to help your child (no matter what age), but sometimes kids have to fall down and pick themselves up all on their own, BEFORE any learning takes place.


lrhall41

Submitted by Lorri on Thu, 03/29/2007 - 18:56

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