The difference between irresponsibility and circumstances

I couldnt agree with you more.Im also a recently divorced mom of 2.I had great credit before I got married at the age of 28,I always paid my bills early and never stuggled to get by.The man I married is a different story,he charged up all my credit cards to the limit,taking his 'friends'out to clubs and buying expensive toys for himself.(I thought he was at work).He left me and his kids for one of his new friends and then moved to another state.Needless to say with only my income I have stuggled to pay the bills and raise my kids.Im now in a consolidation program,any intend to pay everyone as quickly as possible.Someday I will own a home,and my credit will be back to the way it was before.I have never asked for any assistance from the gov,and have worked since I was 16 years old.My ex really messed up my dreams of the perfect family,and house with the picket fence,you know the dream,but I know if work hard enough I can get my dream back.
Oh,also,I worked up to the moment labor started for my two wonderful kids,any only took three weeks of leave.
Thanks
Twokid

Hi Ari

Your post stimulates our conscience. You are true with your words. There are people who are serious in paying their bills. Statistics don't prove who is responsible and who is not responsible towards paying their debt. Only individual experience will. Statistics only give the overall financial data.

Those people who try to run away from their past debts are digging their hole deeper. Collectors and creditors won't suffer too much financial loss from this consumer. They are doing business and can recover the loss from other sources. That person is not serious towards his credit which needs to put in a clean slate. If he does not pay his debt, he is getting all doors closed towards a bright and respectable identity in the future.

The creditors and collection agencies should not involve themselves in such lowly acts as they usually do while attempting collections. They should understand that they are running a business and doing bad things is ultimately spoiling the name of their business. An irresponsible debtor can hide in the backyard (he knows he will have to pay for it later) but the person working in the collection agencies should not do such immature, perhaps illegal acts that give a bad name to the industry. It's more like they are spoiling the name of their company that is paying them for their bread and butter.

Ari, you are one of such collectors who can make the collection industry proud because of your deeds. But, this industry has gone so far with their atrocious actions; don't let this world change you. If you can change the world, you will be achieving glorious heights. US will be proud to have you as its citizen, no matter if we didn't have a woman president so far.

Take my best wishes
Roxette

Thank you, ladies. I speak from the heart.

TwoKidTwoCat, I once overcame a similar adversity with a horse's ass for an ex-husband. He used my name illegally to purchase frivolties from the Franklin Mint, and left me hanging with at $760 bill, he also tapped into my checking account and left me with a $250 overdraft. He also threw away all of my mail so I was clueless to all of this. Then he left for the Air Force, leaving $200 for me until his first military paycheck which was quickly scooped up by one of his bill collectors, leaving me with $6. Then, add insult to injury, I find a love letter from another woman in his car. With help from my parents, I dropped him like a bad habit.

With hard work on my end, determination, and not a penny of public assistance, I eventually reclaimed my good name. He, on the other hand, married an 18-year-old (he was 27 at the time) he met during basic training about eight months before our divorce was final. He is still an idiot, and his credit is still farcical, and it is only a matter of time before this young naive girl wakes up and leaves him.

I had to start over, but it was well worth it. I had to live with my father and stepmother for a year in order to reshape my finances. I went to community college and worked through a temp agency in order to gain work experiece beyond retail. I also met the man who is now my husband online while job searching. I came across a dating service website and looked at it out of curiosity. The rest is history, my husband is a total prince, what every little girl dreams of marrying. A tall, blonde and blue, kind-hearted, handsome, thoughtful helicopter pilot who was born and raised in Denmark. My relationship with him since the beginning has been my greatest adventure and I am ever so grateful for him. He inspired me to aim high, I have an ABA in business admin, and am now working on a BBA in marketing. To sum it all up, I love my life!
What I wanted to impress upon you, TwoKid, is that we have something in common, and you are a role model and inspiration to all women to take a position of power, just as you did. I admire such courage. As for our stupid exes, waht goes around comes around. They will grow old, unattractive, possibly pick up diseases, and have nowhere to go with such bad credit. They are clowns.

Roxette, what I said about statistics was just something off the top of my head, nothing hard noted, just a guesstimate. I don't see any irresponsible slouches in this forum. Unfortunately, the collectors who come in as guests to blow hot air, insult people, and lambaste everybody are clearly not reading the posts, and they sound very prejudiced. Their insulence of everyone here is of great embarassment to me as I, a collector, am here to help, and they blow through here thinking they speak for me? Forget it.
I stated before, even after I take a better job, I will still partake in this forum as my caring for people will never cease. I would also prefer to work with people who are overcoming adveristy here than people who lack the wherewithal to take responsibility for their own survival like the person I spoke to yesterday.

Take my regards, and best wishes
Ari

P.S. TwoKidTwoCat, I have an enormous soft spot for cats and cat lovers! Back when I collected student loans, I admit I gave a couple of debtors a little leeway with their payment plans because they had cats! I LOVE CATS! I think anyone who gives time, love, and care to sweet little cats deserves a little discount on their payment plans. After all, pet insurance isn't free!

:D That sounds like a very good idea.I know my kitties would like some extra pounce treats with the savings. :)
Thanks for such a nice reply.
twokidtwocat

LMAO! That is too cute! Cats are wonderful, and even though I don't know from personal experience, I hear that kids are wonderful too! Aside from the financial farce, you've got the world by the tail! :D

I have cats toooooooo!!!!
Hey, over here, I have cats toooo!! LOL
I have four cats. One is a 'rag doll', he is 35 lbs! I have another one that is 30 lbs that sits up like a penguin when he begs. I will have to post a photo of them if I can. I also have a bird and a doberman. And I try to pay my bills.

***Ari, I don't know why, please forgive me and don't be upset, but I didn't know you were a fellow female! I had just pictured you as a man. no reason. just surprised when you referred to yourself as a female. you know how you read a book and have the person all pictured out in your mind then you see a real picture, nothing like what you had imagined.

thanks for being here Ari, I really love reading your posts. Shirley

LMAO Shirley! Yep, female. Ari is short for Arielle, hebrew meaning Lioness of God. To better enhance your mental picture, people say I compare to Claire Danes, Mira Sorvino, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Lisa Loeb, and Avril Lavigne. Basically, a tall athletic dirty-blonde with a very angular face.
I know exactly what you mean about mental pictures! My own imagination creates an image of Roxette similar to that of Ann-Margret in younger years, a hot blondie or redhead with an hourglass figure(must be the exotic name), and an image of Mom of Twins much like Jill from Home Improvement. Correct me if I'm wrong, girls!
A 35 pound cat! Holy Christmas! What a big beast! Maybe you should ask your collectors to cut you a little slack so you can put that 'potamus on a diet! I used to have a cat that big, her grape-shaped body was so cute! Just like a walking teddy bear. She couldn't stand up on her hind legs, but when she sat down she looked just like a snowman! I loved it! She was a calico, and the one time I tried to take her measurements out of curiosity, she wouldn't stop wiggling around! She lives with one of my former neighbors now, because I couldn't take her with me to my father's house. I'll send you my e-mail address so I can see those pictures!
Shirley, I know you pay your bills! Or else you wouldn't be here! I know the name of the game, and Wells Fargo is such a bunch of dorks! My original post in this thread does not apply to any borrower in this forum. It's more geared towards those condescending collectors who pop in as guest just to be rude and contaminate our wonderful forum with their unwelcome two-sense. There is a difference between the kinds of debtors they have in mind, and the ones who are members here.

So, here I am with the snap. Now, you can see me and compare it with your imaginations.

Girls, upload your snaps in this forum. Let's make it more real and happening.

Wow Ari,you were right on for Roxette.I have a very old computer and no camera,so no pic for now. :( Sorry.
Im more of the Jill from home improvement type.

I totally suck at editing pics. I can e-mail mine to Shirley or Roxette and maybe they can doctor it up to fit the 17 kb space.

Hi Ari,

You can send your snap to me at [email]mike@debtconsolidationcare.com[/email]

I will upload it for you.

Regards
Mike

wow Roxette!!! I had you as a brunette. gorgeous surprise!!!! I guess i didn't get to surprise anyone since I've had my photo up for a while now. It would have been fun to see how everyone had imagined me. I'm glad every one is starting to put their photo up now, it makes it more real to see who we talk to.

Ari-if you need help with your photo, just let me know. I got your message and will get those kitty photos out to you ASAP.

Shirley :D

Thanks Shirley, but Mike offered to crop it and upload it, so I e-mailed my pic to him.

I was pretty close on Roxette! She looks like a blond Rita Hayworth! Very pretty!

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can't wait to see your photo Ari. especially after me thinking you were a man! LOL

LMAO!!! Nice pic Shirley! You look like Valerie Bertinelli! I think the pic I sent to Mike for uploading makes me look a bit like Amber Frey of Scott Peterson fame, just in the way my head is positioned and my teeth are exposed. The pic was taken by my husband on our first date, believe it or not.

Btw, how's the upload coming along, Mike? We're all getting excited!

Here I am everyone! Tell me, is this what you had in mind?

you mean, besides the fact that I thought you were a guy!! LOL! No, but all kidding aside, I think you're very pretty! You're a very pretty collection agency person. LOL! Its nice to put a face with a name and we finally get to see who all we're talking to. I think its great that everyone is posting their pix. Shirley

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LMAO!!! You'd be surprised about who those voices belong to on the other end of the phone when the collector calls. When I was going through all the financial reconstruction three years ago, I would hear from these collectors and think that all collectors were a bunch of stodgy, humourless old farts. Fast-forward to May of 2005 when I was hired at CCA, and all my colleagues look like the cast of "The O.C.", lots of collectors in their late teens and early twenties. It's fun to guess though, isn't it?

So what's your comparison? So far I've heard Demi Moore, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Mira Sorvino, Claire Danes, Lisa Loeb, Avril Lavigne, and Amber Frey. Who do you think is right?

Ari, you are one of the beautiful collection agents to deal with. You have your own dignified identity and let it be like this forever.

Remember, if you remain in this industry in the future, people looking at you now will remember you as one of the best collection agents to deal with. Take my words!

Regards
Roxette

Oh! Thank you so much! I'm so flattered I'm just speechless!

YEAH!! you are a pretty collection agency person. inside and out. =) Shirley

When I was growing up, my father was the breadwinner, the one who made the money, spent the money and paid the bills, that is when he had to.
We moved around alot. My father took me outta school when I was 13 years old. He didnt believe womens heads should be filled up with non sense. And having a job, other than taking care of the home was a sin. I can remeber going to town with my mom, and she would let me get applications for jobs. We'd sneak and fill them out and take them back. More often than not, my father would find where we'd stashed the applications, and then both my mom and I would get in trouble with my dad.
I had a 7th grade public school education, and there it ended. My dad only paid our bills once a month, and only when they threatened to cut off our utilities. My dad went from job to job and we moved from place to place. When I was 18 my dad ask me to marry one of his friends. I got a job stripping & baleing tobacco on a tobacco farm. All the money I made my husband took. Dont get me wrong, I'm not stupid, but I was very ignorant about a great many things, one of them being my credit and how to manage and control my money.
In 2003 I finally went back for my GED and learned the importance of things.
I had a credit report and in a small way knew how to read it, and make sense of it.
I was in the process of divorcing my 2nd husband, my credit was and still is terrible. I am now learning more about credit repair, what to do and what not to do.
There for a long time I accepted things as they were. I allowed my family, my father and both of my exhusbands to use my ssn# for credit related purposes. I assumed that things has been paid or were paid off.
With my upbringing I have been irresponsible. I was taught to be irresponsible. Although I didnt veiw it as irresponsible. My dad made sure we didnt go without for a long period of time. We had our basic needs met, at least most of the time.

I have been irresponsible, I have been the victime of circumstance, I have not had the education afforded me that most kids in Kentucky had in the mid 1990's.
I am now the wife of a great man, a wonderful husband and father, the mother of 4 kids.
My husband Tony has pushed me to get my GEd, to study, and to use the internet as a way to gain knowledge to things that I previously knew nothing about.
We are now trying to repair our bad credit, and we are selling our home and buying grant it not a new home but a better home. We are moving to a new town, closer to our jobs, and with better schools.

Iread what someone had to say about being irresponsible and I had to post a message.
I had to say that yes I have been irresponsible, circumstance has gotten me, and a lack of education.
I just wanted you guys to have my 2 cents worth even if it doesnt mean a damn.

I am or I have been searching on the internet for a GOOD debt consildation agency. If anyone knows where I could find one.. lemme know.
Thanks
Dayna
AKA
MisFitLady

Hi Dayna,

Welcome to the forums.

Those who can accept their mistakes without arguing can actually learn from it. You will learn great things in life because you have the power to admit your mistakes without criticizing others.

Now that you are going ahead in your life smoothly with a wonderful partner and sweet children besides you, I am sure that the combined efforts of both of you will improve your financial problems.

Have a discussion with the consultant in this website. He will be placing a call to you shortly. Discuss your financial problems with him and work out a payment plan. I am hoping that your debt will be taken care in the proper direction.

Regards
Roxette

Oh Dayna!

I've never heard of such a situation. Hooray for you for pulling yourself out of that!

From my point of view, you were thirteen! You were a naive child and your father and husband completely stunted your growth, put shackles on you, and painted you into a dark corner! I do not see any irresponsibility on your part as the misguided child. What I do see is a detailed description of child abuse! I don't know your feelings about your fatherm nothing can change that, so forgive me if I step on your toes, but I'm going to be candid.

What good responsible father takes his child out of school at 13, marries her off so some beer-buddy of his, and reduces her to having to take a job lap-dancing at a strip club? None! You were abused and your growth severly stunted! I hope you spent some time with a personal counselor as well!

Don't think you were irresponsible for a second! You were taught since early childhood to trust your parents and believe they are always right, they abused the trust they instilled in you by fraudulently using your SSN and lying to you saying they were paying the bills in your name.

Bottom line is, Dayna, you were denied the tools you needed to know responsibility and take it. Don't put yourself down!

Forgive me, Dayna, for saying this if it hits a nerve. Forgive me, forum members because I don't usually profane, but my feeling towards these three abusive men in your past is...what a bunch of

****!!!

Let me make one more note, everyone in this forum who sees my posts probably has noticed my frequent use of the word "charlatan". The definition of a charlatan is; a person who makes elaborate, fraudulent, and often voluble claims to skill or knowledge; a quack or fraud. Well, your ol' man claimed to know what was best for you and that all women will do just dandy barefoot, pregnant, and stripping. That was a fraudulent claim as to his abilities as a responsible parent. He is a charlatan as are your two ex-husbands.

On the other hand, I'm very pleased to hear that you've taken the position of power and reclaimed your life. You can only go upwards from here, Dayna!

Good luck hon, and god bless,
Ari

[color=Red]****Adult term removed - Jason[/color]

FWIW, I am pretty sure - Quote:

Nice touch - good to see who we are talking to, especially if they are as attractive as Ari - schwing!!!

Ttthayden and Dayna,

Boy is my face red! That was a misunderstanding and a half on my part. I feel like such a fool, I'm just absolutely mortified! :oops: Please forgive me Dayna for such an erroneous brain-fart!

Anon, I'm blushing.............and married, not that you've stepped on anyone's toes! Waht a cute thing to say though, thank you very much!

Ari

Ari - I can certainly see how it could happen! Don't be too hard on yourself - I just happen to have grown up on a farm.

I know, I know. I grew up in New England and the only farms I ever saw were cornfields and sheep and cattle ranches. I have no idea what a tobacco plant looks like before it is rendered into a ciggy.
Or perhaps my mind is in the gutter! One can also strip a floor (wax), a car (parts), a bed (sheets), a field (crops), and a population (Hitler).

Shirley, 2kid2cat, Dayna, mom of twins, all of you out there in thr forum...I'm still here and staying here as an unofficial counselor even after I move on to a new career path. Keep me posted as to how you are doing!

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Ari,
Good luck to you on your new career!!!Glad to here that your not leaving us.

Ari, I meant to ask, have you heard anything back from coca cola yet?

shirley

Nope, nothing from Coca-cola, but I am scheduling interviews with a financial planning firm and a life insurance company. Fingers crossed!

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Hi guys, the wheels in my head have been turning again today.

I fed a homeless man on my way back to work. I was at a stoplight at the end of an offramp, and there he was. An older gentleman with a handmade sign claiming his status as a homeless Vietnam vet who needed just a little help. How could I possibly ignore him and not feel like a total shmuck? I looked around for something that may be of assitance to him. Cash? Nope, I only carry my checkbook and my plastic. Something to eat maybe? A-ha! I brought with me a 3/4 jar of roasted mixed nuts to eat at work. Needless to say, I gave it to him and it seemed to have made his day!

Then the words "hard times" and "circumstances" entered my head. Many people in this forum refer to their financial farces as hard times. Since they are temporary, are they really that hard? Come on! I had today extended my hand to a man who served this country in the most dreadful war, Vietnam, only to come home to a nation that clearly didn't appreciate it! Vietnam vets are probably the only vets still alive today to suffer the worst post-traumatic stress disorder. They can't sleep, they practically have seizures whenver they hear a balloon pop or some other loud bang, they go to pieces whenever they hear a crying child, and they become violently nauseaus and dizzy whenever they hear some sniveling pantywaist whining about some petty problem such as a bad hair day or long checkout line.
Being homeless, hungry, shell-shocked, and unloved is by far a harder time than a financial farce. eventually the bills get paid. The man I fed today is stuck that way for life!

I know nobody's here to cry uncle, but let's think about this for a moment. The hardest times in this country are falling on the people who have risked their lives and lost everything fighting for our liberty. I can't turn my back on them and like myself every day.
So maybe I didn't save his life, but at least I enriched it a little. That kind of thing is within everyone's power. If you enrich someone else's life you will make two people feel better. Yourself and the person whose life you touched.

You are right Ari,I give thanks everyday,that I can wake up each morning,in a warm home,and have a good job to go to.I do not think of myself as being in hard times,its just a temporary setback in my life.I am a strong person,and I do know that I have many things to be thankful for.After reading many stories on this board,I see that my little debt problem,is no worst than some on this board.Sadly there are many homeless people,war heros,fathers,mothers,and children.
These people were not always homeless,they once also woke up in a warm home.Its very sad that sometimes we forget about these people,many of us are living just one paycheck away from being were they are.So next time any of you see a homeless person remember to pay it forward.I know I will.

I think that if everyone took only a second (the length of time it took me to hand that dude a jar of nuts) to enrich the life of another, it would make a tremendous difference. I will do it every time opportunity arises until the day I cease to be. All it takes is a split second to hand a starving person something to eat, to make lots of noise to prevent someone from being assaulted, to help a short person get something off of a high shelf, to carry heavy shopping bags for a little old lady, and various other things to do to reach out to our fellow man without being late for work. Just think about how much of an improvement society would make just by everyone taking a second to reach out!

We don't need more laws and politicians to fix society! We need each other!

Ari, this reminds me of a story that happened to me a few weeks ago. Me and my daughter were at a red light and there was a man standing there, same kind of picture, he was holding a sign and his clothes were ragged and he was dirty. The sign read that he was homeless and needed food please help. I had nothing, but my daughter had two dollars in her purse. I rolled my window down and he walked over and I handed him the two dollars and said I knew it wasn't much but maybe it could help in some kind of way. A huge smile came on his face, and he said that he now had enough for some churches chicken. He was so happy. It almost broke my heart because I wished I could have done more. I gave him two dollars and he acted like I had gave him a million. those are the kind of people that you want to help and want to do more for. The ones that are sooo appreciative.
When Hubby is with us, he will usually run into a store and buy them food and bring it back out to them. Sometimes you don't know if they really need food or if the money is for drugs or booze. Its sad that we have to think like that.

Another story comes to mind and this is a story that my daughter remembers so well. She was little, about ten years old. We were riding in downtown memphis and again, the same picture, ragged, dirty tired looking man with a sign asking for food---had a backpack on the ground and had a dog with him. Husband didn't say anything, daughter was sitting in back seat with tears running down her face. She had caught a glimpse of the homeless man and his dog and said 'did you see that'? Hubby still didn't say anything, kept driving to the nearest store and went in. when he came out, he had a bag of food---and a small bag of dog food and two bottled waters-one for man and the other for the dog. He had even bought a bowl for the dog to drink from. It was really hot that day. We pulled back up to the red light and gave him the stuff. My daughter, to this day, has never forgotten that--. We try to help out whenever we see a need.
My husband gets up 3:30 in the morning and drives 30 plus miles to work. In december when we were having some cold weather, my husband would see a woman walking to work every morning in the cold, with no hat, gloves or scarf. He never mentioned it to me until we were at walmart one day and he put these items in the buggy. Then he told me the story of the woman he passed every morning around 4:30, that he wanted to help.

Ari, you're right. When you think that you've got it bad, and you've having a bad day, look around, theres others that REALLY have it bad, and suddenly your life doesn't seem so bad anymore. Shirley

I know it is very sad that some unfortunates are there by choice, abusing simples generosities to support an illegal habit, so yes it is more purposeful to feed them. When you reach out they always say "may God bless you" and I admit I do feel like the higher power is smiling upon me, but what about them? After all they endured in Vietnam and the horrors they saw, when will they be rewarded?

What a bunch of selfish thoughtless


**** we have in the government! Here they are pushing and pushing getting as many high school grads as possible into the armed services and over to Iraq just for the purpose of winning their self-created war. Then when they come home they are persona non grata and the government that lured them into service just kicks them aside! I think the government should take care of the soldiers who took care of them. Pay for their treatment when they come home with PTSD, give them severance pay, education, whatever they need to maintain their livelihood and be able to contribute to society rather than depend on it.

Sometimes I really don't think the system works. Screw the system and the government, along with all this eye-for-an-eye talk. If the world is going to be a safe, enjoyable place that is worth fighting for, it really is on us to band together. This reminds me of a fable:

After being saved from the brink of death, a man reported seeing both Heaven and Hell. When asked what they were like, he said that in Hell, everyone sat three feet away from a vast banquet table with an elaborate bounty of good food. They each had a set of three-foot utensils to eat with, but they were all hungry and unhappy. Then he went on to describe Heaven in the exact same way with the banquet, and the unusually long utensils, but everyone was eating well, making converstaion, and very happy.
What was the difference? In Heaven, everyone used their extra-long utensils to feed each other! In Hell, no one thought to help their neighbor and that's why they're in hell to being with.

That sums it up. If we feed each other it will be Heaven on Earth.

[color=Red]****Adult term removed - Jason[/color]

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This is your most killer pic Shirley! If you made no mention of a husband in your posts you'd have guys in this forum e-mailing you for a date! Guarantee it!

I've heard that song many times, it is amazing how simple words or lyrics can strike a chord within someone. I was inspired by s statement made by Mom of Twins who I think is now Brat 4-ever, she was defending herself and all of us in the forum from yet another bull-headed over-opinionated collector by saying that "We all bleed red and should be treated equal." That statement struck a chord. She's absolutely right, we all have the same passions and emotions, we all have families and people dear to us, we all do the same fun things and have friends, we all put our pants on one leg at a time, we're all people no matter where our money goes. It really is in the best interests of all people in the world to treat each other like family. We're all the same species on one planet, and you never know who's family your will join with when your relatives marry so it is wise for everyone to treat each other as sweet as you would treat your family.

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It's well deserved. Looks like 45 years have been god to you! I hope I can look just as stunning when I'm 45. I'm 26 and the haircut I just got makes me look exactly like my mother! She keeps long bangs to hide little forehead lines. She's 51 and is also doing well to keep the years off.

I meant good to you. Sometimes I can't type for jack!

LOL!! I knew what you meant, again, thank you. I don't do anything special...maybe just good jeans, my dad and his sister still look young and they're in their late 60s. I am still very young at heart and believe in laughter. I believe laughter can help get you through most anything. Me and my 19 yr old go to the fair and ride the rides together, we go to concerts, we go to the movies, go clothes shopping together. We wear the same size so we share clothes. she says I'm her bestest friend and she doesn't think of me as being as old as what I am. I try to be happy, lifes too short to spend it being uptight all the time. shirley