"OUR" Story
Date: Sun, 05/28/2006 - 20:56
#1--The need for more money. A need not uncommon to majority of people, I would imagine. The reason for the need are varied and range from careless spending to poor choices to illness to unemployment.
#2--This need leads to locating a source of money. Usually a job, but if your job isn't paying enough then it is borrowing from friends or using credit. This can go on indefinitely as long as there is a secondary source of funds to pay back loans and credit cards. The debt to income ratio can exceed greatly.
#3--Once these sources have been exhausted (or even when they were being used), the need for cash can lead to those horrible things called payday loans. This gives the debtor a feeling of being able to control his own debt. He is not asking a friend or family for help.
#4--When the need for money has reached the point of seeking one payday loan after payday loan to continue the cycle, then rock bottom has pretty much been hit. Sources of money have been exhausted and there seems to be no where to turn.
#5--Desperately seeking some way of solving this all-consuming problem, help is sought. The new millenium debtor seeks his answers through "THE INTERNET".
#6--His search leads him to this site, he receives valuable debt counseling and he begins to get off the endless cycle of indebtedness and begins to get control of his life. He will also want to continue his "recovery" and participate in this forum, much like the other members.
I am sure every one reading this can find something that they can identify within their own life. I hope newcomers will see this and realize our experiences can help them also break the cycle.
Hi Lorri, You have compiled these points so nicely. Guess, th
Hi Lorri,
You have compiled these points so nicely. Guess, this is life. We all go through some problems in our life one way or the other. People whom we rely the most turn us down during hard times. It is during this time we lose our mental balance and accept anything that comes our way. These payday loan companies exist to do their business and since we don't have any options open in front of us, we go and take help from them. They are not doing any welfare to us. They are charging us for their services. When these companies realize that we don't have any other way out but to visit them again, they start taking advantage of our situation and charge excessively.
It is not only the payday loan companies that are benefiting from our situation. All financial institutions have more or less the same motives except for some relief organizations or alike.
When we are struck in hard times, we should have faith in us. We need to feel confident and explore our positive sides. Life teaches us many lessons and through these practical experiences, we will come out as better, independent souls. Life never stops! It goes on and on!
Such as life. My story is a little more unique. I never had payd
Such as life. My story is a little more unique. I never had payday loans, just a big pretentious dark cloud hanging over me.
Ari, Didn't you ever get tempted to take a payday loan in the
Ari,
Didn't you ever get tempted to take a payday loan in the past? Most of us don't know the inside story of payday loans and fall within the catch. It's only after going through the experiences; we realize the pain within it.
Ari, I assume you are much disciplined when it comes to making monetary decisions. Were you like this from the beginning? Just curious to learn from someone more balanced in life!
To tell you the truth John, I had never actually heard of payday
To tell you the truth John, I had never actually heard of payday loans until I joined this forum and later on started collecting them, so no, the thought to take one out had never crossed my mind.
In the beginning, I wasn't always so financially focused. When I was bussing tables and working at GNC, I would divi up my money into envelopes for different expenses at that time; Car insurance, car maintenance, high school dues, but if I was ever in a bad mood, I'd empty one of those envelopes and run off to the mall to try and cheer myself up with trinkets. I'd hate to think what could have happened had I had a credit card during those times! Then I became acquainted with my ex-husband's financial insanity, and it painted a picture of loans and credit cards as acid-spewing incendiary explosives.
After I squared away all of my debts, I opened up four separate credit card accounts, they all are generally at zero balance. I only use them for emergencies and holidays. I still grit my teeth when I pull one of them out for a purchase.
Well, Ari, you taught me something with your post here. A new le
Well, Ari, you taught me something with your post here. A new lesson learnt on how to have a good budgeting is to make different envelopes and put the required cash into it at the beginning of the month. However, I will not try touching those envelopes during a bad mood.
I have some credit cards with me for regular use. But I ensure that everything is paid within the due date. My card is swiped only when I know that I have cash to pay it within the due date. Otherwise, I don't make the purchase. It's better to refrain from that product rather than paying extra on it in the form of added charges by the credit card company.
I like that envelope idea! I may have to give that a try. :)
I like that envelope idea! I may have to give that a try. :)
Ari---As soon as you said about the envelope thing, it triggered
Ari---As soon as you said about the envelope thing, it triggered a memory. When I was in high school, I babysat all the time--almost every Friday and Saturday night and sometimes during the week. I made 50 cents an hour!!! I had certain things I was always saving money for and would keep envelopes with labeled with what I was saving for. The biggest thing I ever saved my money for was my class ring which cost $25.20. I was religious about saving for stuff.
I kept up this method of saving until I was able to get a real job and savings account. I taught my daughter the same method.
Where did it all change? In my case, I think I started in with credit cards and forgot about being smart with money and everything just snowballed over the years. Many things came much too easy. I have just recently opened a savings account (first time in 25 years) and really hope I can save a small amount each month---It would make me feel so good.
I used envelopes because when I was bussing tables, I was paid i
I used envelopes because when I was bussing tables, I was paid in cash. Also, the reason why I always took to shopping as a stress reliever is because growing up poor, having things was unfamiliar to me. I felt a sense of entitlement to buy what I wanted with the money I earned. I always resented other kids, even my own best friend, whose parents paid their way through life and they never really had to work hard. I also felt anger towards my parents for making me have to work those awful slave jobs. I felt like I never had my dignity.
Ari---I never had a lot of material things growing up either. My
Ari---I never had a lot of material things growing up either. My dad was on diability a lot because of an injury and those were very tough times. When he was able to work it still wasn't easy because they were always having to play "catch-up". He was a stereotypical man of the day---he felt his wife should not work out of the home. So, my mom either babysat kids or took in ironing.
Strangely the friends that I chose as a child and teenager always seemed to have much, much more than I did. I ALWAYS felt like I didn't measure up and couldn't keep up with them. THEY never seemed to have to work just to buy something simple like a pack of notebook paper.
And as I have gotten older--I realize that material things mean nothing---yes, money is nice to have, but all I want is enough to get by.
One thing though I did experience as a child was the love of my family. I always felt secure in their love, even if we didn't have much.
Whoops that above was mine--for some reason I wasn't automatical
Whoops that above was mine--for some reason I wasn't automatically signed in. Here it is again. I tried to delete above but couldn't.
Ari---I never had a lot of material things growing up either. My dad was on diability a lot because of an injury and those were very tough times. When he was able to work it still wasn't easy because they were always having to play "catch-up". He was a stereotypical man of the day---he felt his wife should not work out of the home. So, my mom either babysat kids or took in ironing.
Strangely the friends that I chose as a child and teenager always seemed to have much, much more than I did. I ALWAYS felt like I didn't measure up and couldn't keep up with them. THEY never seemed to have to work just to buy something simple like a pack of notebook paper.
And as I have gotten older--I realize that material things mean nothing---yes, money is nice to have, but all I want is enough to get by.
One thing though I did experience as a child was the love of my family. I always felt secure in their love, even if we didn't have much.
Since we have been on the road to financial recovery, we have le
Since we have been on the road to financial recovery, we have learned how to budget our money and make it stretch for two weeks. Now our bills are all paid on time and the phone isn't ringing off the wall every hour of the day.
Tammy--I bet it makes you feel like your life and finances are i
Tammy--I bet it makes you feel like your life and finances are in your control again doesn't it?
Lorri, one thing we did not have in common as children were supp
Lorri, one thing we did not have in common as children were supportive parents. My parents took absolutely no interest in me until I grew up. They were more interested in my two younger brothers. I was also the "Carrie White" of my school, I had few friends, lots of tormentors, and my parents would hear none of it when I reported the harassment to them, they just didn't give two sh!ts. Sometimes, they were no better! My mom sometimes had to be the life of the party at my expense by making extremely humiliating jokes about me. That's why I always sought solace in material things. They sure did make my peers happy!
Well, Ari--I am so sorry that you had to experience your childho
Well, Ari--I am so sorry that you had to experience your childhood that way. No one deserves that EVER--Sadly not everyone thinks of their children as gifts and don't treasure their very beings. I realize that I was very fortunate to have very loving and supportive parents.
I can now understand why then material things would make you happy. When a child does not get the support she needs emotionally, she will search for it elsewhere. Some might try drugs, turn to crime or inflict the same torture on others or turn to material things like you did to provide the positive feelings that parental support would have given you.
My heart goes out to you Ari--You have survived in spite of it all to become a valuable member of society. Even though I only know you in this community I sense that you are a naturally caring person. We all appreciate you so much.
I really appreciate that Lorri, it warms my heart. It's true tha
I really appreciate that Lorri, it warms my heart. It's true that my parents are very different people now, but it does eat me up to think that they could have seen the light so long ago and none of that stuff would ever have happened. There are some things I can forgive them for, and other things that I really need apologies for, but I dare not ask. All I would get is excuses from either one of them..."aaaaw, but I didn't know any better...". Bullsh!t.
What good came from that is that I know what it takes to be better than that. I would never treat another person like a human punchline or take away their dignity. Even though I can't have kids of my own, I can better them when I interact with my neices and nephews, and that's a good feeling.
And sweetie--your nieces and nephews will remember you and how m
And sweetie--your nieces and nephews will remember you and how much you loved them and treated them with respect. They in turn will pass that on to those they come in contact with.
The cycle of cruelty stopped with you and that is testament to your inner strength and determination. Go---and let nothing ever stop you in your attempt to overcome the @#$%^&* (insert your own word!)
Such as life, it can be very complicated. I once caught my young
Such as life, it can be very complicated. I once caught my youngest brother harassing a girl in his grade on the bus. I got in his face about it, and I didn't let him get off the bus until he apologized to her. She was very grateful. she even asked me to be her friend. She was 11, I was 17.
Ever see the movie Dreamcatcher? Four boys chase away a bunch of football players who they catch beating up an autistic boy. Those are the kinds of guys you marry!
I have never seen the movie, but I can relate on the level of a
I have never seen the movie, but I can relate on the level of a child that has been picked on.
I think picking on a child and completely attacking them is anot
I think picking on a child and completely attacking them is another. Picking on can be harmless and playful in order to inspire someone to have a little sense of humour about themselves. Some of those little monsters take it way to far. They're just not done until their target absolutely hates themself. I hated being a kid, which is another reason why I choose not to have them. If I found out that some cretin was terrorizing my child, I'd turn completely to the dark side and go bust some heads.
People who grow up acting like that never grow out of it either. They go around pissing on everyone in society; People they work with, their own families, salespeople, and waitstaff. They never learn that you can't treat people they was that they choose. You have to treat people the way they want to be treated, or else they will learn to the hard way. Where I work now, do these cardholders really think I enjoy having to keep a stiff upper lip while they treat me like I'm retarded? Do they think I like being told to shut up? Do they think I like being "huh'ed" and "whatted" and "say that again'ed" when in truth, having to repeat myself is my hugest all-time pet peeve? One of these days one of these clowns is going to strike a nerve and I will sacrifice my job on the altar of dignity and tell one of these belligerent f@?ks to go do society a favor and die!!!
Now that I've vented, I'm going to hop off this soapbox now.
No one deserves to be picked on especially a child. A child is a
No one deserves to be picked on especially a child. A child is an innocent until the mean cruel world moves in on them.
Ari---I can identify totally with your reason for choosing not to have children, it is so very hard to want your child to be independent and get along on his own, but when somebody is hurting (physically, emotionally,etc.)your child, the parent can't help but react. A mother's natural instinct is to protect her young--- When my daughter was growing up it took every ounce of restraint I could muster up to not fight every one of her battles.
Some mothers happen by chance, some plan, some willingly, some begrudgingly and some just instinctively know that the job isn't for them. And that is alright. We are not all cut from the same cloth when it comes to what we end doing or being in life. Its obvious that your "mothering" instincts are focused on your nieces and nephews and you are probably great at it.
Lorri, did you know that my first name, Arielle, is Hebrew and i
Lorri, did you know that my first name, Arielle, is Hebrew and it means Lioness of God? That is exactly what I am. A Lioness. I would gladly go to bat for anyone being oppressed. I did so for my husband when First Credit of America was at him, I did so for some of the seventh graders when I was a senior, and I would most certainly go for the jugular of any waste of space I catch harassing my nieces and nephews!
I did not know your first name was really Arielle. That is so pr
I did not know your first name was really Arielle. That is so pretty---I had a student once named that and it was pronounced like "R-E-L" instead of
"AIR-E-L" (like the little mermaid). How is yours pronounced? The meaning of your name is very fitting for your personality---a true fighter for what is RIGHT!!!
So true! And either way you pronounce it is right, and I also kn
So true! And either way you pronounce it is right, and I also know that it's me being paged because my name is so rare.
Next time I am in Pensacola--I will have you paged in Walmart ju
Next time I am in Pensacola--I will have you paged in Walmart just to see if you answer :D. Oh---BTW I haven't been to Florida in 20 years so I might not be paging ya real soon 8)
I have a name that's too common..My mom decided at last minute t
I have a name that's too common..My mom decided at last minute to name me Jessica...My name was originally Amber. Then one hour later, she decided to change her mind..lol Even in my baby book it says "Amber Dawn" and then it's scratched out and Jessica is written in...There's a section that asks why they picked the name and it says, "Because we like it." My mom was sooo deep...lol
I have a very common name also (for girls born in the fifties an
I have a very common name also (for girls born in the fifties anyway). My mom said she was going to name me "Donna Jean" (yuck) and then saw
"Lorri Jean" in a magazine story and went with that and that spelling. I have been to this website (can't remember where) and tells what names were common during certain eras. I love hearing about why people have certain names.
I've seen sites like that...One site even traces back when the n
I've seen sites like that...One site even traces back when the name originated..Apparently Jessica was first used by Shakespeare in "The Merchant of Venice".
Now that is really interesting. I think (I know) that names go i
Now that is really interesting. I think (I know) that names go in and out of style. I don't think the whole time I was in school in the 60's and 70's I even knew a girl named Jessica.
Jessi, that is actually true. I studied Shakespeare literature a
Jessi, that is actually true. I studied Shakespeare literature and Jessica is indeed one of the main characters in Merchant of venice.
My best friend is named Jessica, it's always been one of my favo
My best friend is named Jessica, it's always been one of my favorite names. I was supposed to be Amy, but in the hospital my parents heard "Michelle" by the Beatles, and so Michelle I became. Unfortunately, no one in my family calls me that, I've always been Shelley. All my report cards until 7th grade, when I got an identity, are for Shelley. I hate that.
As a teacher---I may call a child one thing in class :D , but I
As a teacher---I may call a child one thing in class :D , but I am a real stickler for making sure their given name is on report cards. I wanted to name my daughter Megan, but my cousin's dog was named Megan so I named her Amanda (which of course she hates).
LOL I was mad at my boyfriend's mom when she named her dog, beca
LOL I was mad at my boyfriend's mom when she named her dog, because I've always said if I have a daughter, I want to name her after my grandma, who was Clara Mae...Glenda named her puppy Daisy Mae. So now if she still has that dog, it will look like I named my kid after her dog...lol Oh well..