What do I do?
Date: Thu, 06/15/2006 - 08:32
Rhonda
Have you spoken to debt counselor yet (free from when you signed
Have you spoken to debt counselor yet (free from when you signed up here)? Did you not know about the loans that were listed on your husbands paystub? I don't think you are driving a wedge in your relationship, but rather you confronted him and he did not like it.
If you did not know about the loans, I would look into other things you might not know about. I don't want to put ideas in your head, but keep your eyes open.
I agree with you Lorri, that if he kept these loans from her no
I agree with you Lorri, that if he kept these loans from her no telling what else he's kept from her. I was in a marriage like this and got out because of his careless spending habits.
rkcoker2002, do you know what the loans were for? and how is his going to afford to get the kids new cars if you are already $90,000 in the red? I think debt counseling would be the first step to take as well or possibly reconsolidating those loans for a lower interest rate to. I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I know it has to be tough. Stay strong and wish for the best.
I agree with everyone else - you can't ignore this. Your husban
I agree with everyone else - you can't ignore this. Your husband is probably embarrassed by it (even if his actions don't show that) and doesn't want to talk about it. I'm that way with my boyfriend and my bills... I'd rather just get rid of them instead of talk about them. You have GOT to get in touch with a counselor about this. Whether you do so through this site or through a local credit union... that is the first step. It's hard not to panic because it seems like the light is so far away - but you'd be surprise at how much help the counselors can offer - and you always feel better after talking to them.
Yes rkcoker2002, take the suggestions from everyone here but do
Yes rkcoker2002, take the suggestions from everyone here but do what your heart says for keeping the relationship between you and your husband healthy. Don't let the crack widen further. I know it will be hard to control the anger within but you will have to look at the future also and think about your children. Talk to your husband nicely and convince him for credit counseling. If he is sensible, he will understand the situation very well because he is a budget analyst by profession. Remember, you are the better half of your husband and sound to be more matured than him. You will be able to keep things in control.
Thank you so much everyone!
I am going to try to have a confrontation with my husband tonight. I know it won't help anything to talk about this in an accusatory tone. At this point, I certainly am not going to be giving out ultimatums, either. What I want is for us to make a plan to work on this together, whether through a counsellor or a program. We have already put half the debt on a HELOC loan and I put the other half on no interest credit cards for 12 months. I realize that is tiny step but at least it is in the right direction. I'm not sure what to do about the other 3 loans on his paycheck. If any of you are Christians out there, please pray that I will be able to do this in the right spirit to get the best outcome. Thanks again.
Rhonda
Rhonda--Yes I am a Christian and yes I will pray for you to be a
Rhonda--Yes I am a Christian and yes I will pray for you to be able to confront your husband in the right spirit so you can solve this issue together. I prayed for God to send me a way out of my paydayloan mess and the very next morning I came upon this forum. Obviously, divine intervention brought you to this forum to begin dealing with your financial situation. God Bless You and please keep posting so we can continue to help you in your situation.
Rhonda, I will pray for you in my evening prayers. Hope everythi
Rhonda, I will pray for you in my evening prayers. Hope everything ends well at your side.
Talk with husband
I just wanted to tell everyone thank you for you prayers and your help. My husband and I had a talk last night and it went amazingly well. He is willing to do whatever we think we need to do. He is not a worrier like me so he handles things much better. I also want everyone to know that although I did not know the severity of the debt, I did know we were in debt and I take responsbility for my part in getting us where we are now.
I think the hardest times are yet to come. It is going to be difficult to do without some of the things we are used to and there may be some problems with resentment on both our parts as we enter this journey. I hope that this will be something that will bring us closer instead of apart. I think it is all in how you handle things.
Have most of you done a debt consolidation with this company? Doesn't that show up negatively on your credit report? Is there anyboy out there doing this on your own? I guess I just need to know what to do next.
Rhonda
Rhonda, I'm SO glad everything went well with your husband. C
Rhonda, I'm SO glad everything went well with your husband.
Consolidation will be a good option for you as it will pay your debts in full. If it shows as a negative, it's only temporary. As you start paying things off, it will drastically improve.
Pull your credit reports first--If you haven't done it yet, go to www.annualcreditreport.com and you can pull all three of them for free once per year. Make sure there is nothing on there that is incorrect. Get all your bills together and sort them out. I have an Excel spreadsheet that I formatted to record everything that I owe and how much I have left to go. You can also do this on paper. Keep records of ALL payments, and EVERY bit of communication with the creditors.
Rhonda, I am glad everything worked out so easily. Now, you will
Rhonda, I am glad everything worked out so easily. Now, you will be able to tackle the problems as your husband stand besides you as a moral support. Don't think much, take your time but be regular in your payments. If you take a consolidation route, that will be most helpful. You will get lower interest rates offered by the consultant after negotiating with the creditors. Besides, you will see the total amount reduced significantly as most of the financial charges and late fees will get waived off. Pick up the perfect payment plan and be regular on it. Don't miss any of the payments in the program otherwise you will lose most of the benefits of the program.
Consolidation does not have negative impact because your bills will be shown in your file as paid. This mostly counts in increasing your credit scores. This program will remain in your file as long as you are enrolled in it. Once everything is paid off, no one will know about using this program.
Read some articles on debt consolidation and getting out of debt. Get perfect solutions and become debt free. I have found some articles interesting in this site
http://www.debtconsolidationcare.com/debt-free.html
http://www.debtconsolidationcare.com/debt-solution.html
http://www.debtconsolidationcare.com/help.html
Rhonda---I am so thankful you and your husband were able to peac
Rhonda---I am so thankful you and your husband were able to peacefully and successfully come to a workable solution to your debt problems.
Yes it will be hard to learn to do without things you are used to. But, remember they are just things. If they are that important and necessary to your life, God will provide for you, not always the way we want, but in a way that is good for you.